“I guess you couldn’t say that you were my friend,” Mari said.
“No. I eventually admitted that I had followed you to spy upon you.”
“You…what?”
Was there humor showing in the Mage’s eyes? “That is what I told them. There is no truth, so one story was as good as another. The elders were willing to accept that I was motivated by a desire to learn more about a possible threat to the Mage Guild.”
Mari felt herself smiling widely. Being able to lie with a clean conscience probably had its advantages. I really like the guy hidden inside him. That good person I keep getting glimpses of. I think I’d like him even if he hadn’t saved me at least twice. “What did you find out while you were spying on me?”
“Not to start fires inside buildings unless I am already near a window.” He waited while Mari winced. “Otherwise I could tell them little, since I explained I often could not understand your words or actions.”
“Yeah,” Mari said. “A lot of people have that problem with me, and to be perfectly honest I’m having a little trouble figuring them out myself right now. Look, I’ve got some issues I need to work out with my Guild. I don’t know exactly what’s going on. Anyway, there’s no sense in you getting in more trouble with your Guild, too. Hanging with me isn’t doing you any good, and might get you in trouble.”
“But you are a friend.” His voice remained impassive, his face unrevealing. “You also saved my life, carrying me to the window. How did you create the strength to do that? It was an impressive manipulation of the illusion.”
Mari shrugged and looked down, feeling the heat of embarrassment in her face. “I have no idea how I did that. I guess I was highly motivated. I wasn’t going to leave you behind, not after you got me out of that cell.”
“You never leave anyone behind,” Alain recited as if it were a lesson.
“No. I don’t.”
The Mage’s mouth worked, then he spoke hesitantly. “Thank…you.”
They had been walking, but now Mari stumbled to a halt, staring at him. What had it taken for a Mage to say those words? She had heard him say them before, but only repeating her own words back to her. He hadn’t actually said thank you to anyone, to her. But now he had. Say something to him, you fool. Anything. “You’re thanking me for throwing you out a window?”
“Yes, if you wish to say it that way, using your sarcasm.” Mage Alain twisted his face slightly. “I am uncertain about the right things to say. As an acolyte, the use of those words would bring punishment.”
You poor— “Well, uh, that’s…I mean…I’m really glad…you’re…all right.”
“A friend wants to help,” Mage Alain said. “Because it is the right thing,” he added, quoting her.
“Uh…yeah…that’s…right.” He had paid that much attention to what she said? And he really liked her? Or whatever Mages used in place of “like,” anyway. He had saved her life, he had gone into a dungeon to get her out, he had listened to her. He had that thread thing between them that wasn’t there but was.
He hadn’t left her when that would have been the easiest, most acceptable thing to do. Instead, he had taken the hardest road he could, because he wanted to help her.
Mari stared at Alain, wondering why she was suddenly having so much trouble talking, why she couldn’t seem to string two words together without fumbling, why she felt so awkward, why she couldn’t take her eyes off of Alain’s expressionless face and his firm jaw and his soulful eyes—
Soulful eyes?
Oh, no, Mari. No no no no no no no. You are not going there. That is so crazy it’s off the scale. He’s a Mage. You’re a Mechanic. Yes, he’s damaged, and yes, it would be oh-so-romantic to try to fix him, but that is not the sort of repair job any rational woman would undertake, and it is certainly not the sort of job you should even be considering. He doesn’t even know what love is. He doesn’t know what like is. He has only the vaguest idea what a friend is.
You told him it wasn’t love. You told him not to think about love. That was smart. You’re smart, Mari. You won’t get involved with some badly damaged guy who thinks nothing is real just because he’s more real than any other guy you’ve ever met. You will…you will…
I felt safe when he showed up here.
Why is he looking at me? He’s waiting for something. Did he ask me a question? Oh, right. “Where am I going? Uh…I’m…uh…I…Dorcastle. I…I’m going to…Dorcastle.” Stars above, help me, I sound like I’m six years old.
But Alain didn’t show any sign that he had noticed her discomfort, even though he must have. “I also must go to Dorcastle. My elders insist that I leave this city.”
“Oh…um…good. Are you…taking…the train?”
“Train?” Alain asked.
“Yes.” She pointed in the direction of the yard. “Train.”
“This is like a caravan?”
“No…yes. I mean, it takes people, but…faster. Much faster.” She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. “Mages never use trains, but if you are wearing that—those clothes—you could ride it.”
Alain considered that. “How would I do this?”
“It’s easy.” So easy a Mage could do it. I have to stop using that expression. “You…you go…there. That way. There’s a…a sign. Train Station. You can read? Sorry. Of course you can read. And there’s another sign. Passengers. I can…get you a ticket. You go to…to that window…and you say, ‘will call ticket for Alain of Ihris.’ Don’t…please don’t…say the Mage part. You’re not wearing those robes so…no one will know you’re a Mage.” Unless they look at your face. “And…and they’ll give you a ticket. That’s a piece of paper with writing on it. And…you follow the other passengers…and the train takes you to…to Dorcastle.” She wanted to bury her face in her hands out of sheer embarrassment. Please, please, let this end.
“Is there something wrong?” Alain asked. “You are distressed.”
“No. Nothing. Nothing at all. Do not, do not, tell anyone that you’re a Mage. Some of my fellow Mechanics might…do the wrong thing. But I…I have to go. Myself.” What had happened to her? An awful suspicion occurred to Mari as she looked at the Mage. She had never believed the stories about Mage spells, but look what he had done last night. Maybe some of the other stories were true, about the ability of Mages to make people act in strange ways. “Alain…tell me the truth.”
“There is no truth.”
“Try anyway! Would you…would you do anything to me…without me knowing?”
The Mage looked at her silently for a while.
Stars above. There’s hurt in his eyes. I can see it way back there, almost completely hidden, but I hurt him with that question. I hurt the feelings of a Mage. They don’t even have feelings, but I hurt them. Way to achieve the impossible, Mari.
Finally, Alain shook his head. “I would not do anything like that.”
Could she believe him?
But as if sensing the question, Alain added more. “There is no truth, but I will not mislead you. A friend would not mislead.”
“Thank you.” Mari tried to gather up the shattered shards of her dignity. “I’m sorry. I really have to go. Um…thank you. Thank you for everything. Goodbye.” Forever. Absolutely, positively forever, before I make the biggest mistake of my life. She hoisted her pack and almost ran down the road, away from the Mage Alain.