I can’t blame her for who I am, though. If Professor S’san helped make me who I am, all she did was sand off the rough edges. I was already me when I got to the academy.
Me. I’m one girl. What can I do alone? Maybe everyone looks to me for answers, but if it were a matter of going against the Guild, no one would follow me.
A rock rolled behind her and she looked to see Alain laboring up the slope beneath them. One might.
How can I do that to the first friend I’ve found since leaving Caer Lyn? A guy who might even be…no, no, no. That’s not going to happen.
Especially since I don’t know what might take place in Dorcastle if I do make it there. Is whoever did this planning something else?
Is whoever did this after me for things I haven’t even done yet?
Chapter Thirteen
Alain could see the sky brightening in the east by the time another Mechanic train arrived from Dorcastle, its locomotive creature chugging gingerly along the metal lines while extra look-outs watched for more of the dangerous gaps. Alain gazed at the strange device, wondering how the Mechanics had created such a creature. Mari had told him that Mechanics did not use spells, but how else could something like that, or a dragon, be brought into being?
The Mechanics from the old caravan, and then the commons, inched their way across the gap where the trestle had been, using a narrow trail against the cliff just wide enough to walk single file. Most did their best not to look down into the depths where the trestle had fallen.
The last of the commons, a man who had hung back until everyone else had gone, balked halfway across, frozen with fear, eyes shut and clinging to the rock wall behind him. Alain could see the Mechanics laughing, and some of the other commons did, too. Most of the commons didn’t laugh, but were arguing among themselves. It did not occur to Alain to do anything, but he did wonder if the common would be abandoned there.
Mari swung down from the locomotive and walked onto the narrow strip, looking stubborn and ignoring comments yelled by some of the Mechanics. She said something to the commons watching as she passed them, and some of those sheepishly fell in behind her. Stepping onto the narrow area, Mari made her way to the common paralyzed with fear and put a hand on his arm, speaking in a low voice.
Everyone watched as she gently tugged the man into motion, getting him step by step across the remaining distance until the commons waiting at the end could grab him and pull him onto the wider area. Mari walked back to the locomotive as the commons called out thanks to her, watching her with different expressions than they turned on other Mechanics.
Only a few Mechanics remained behind with the original train, and Alain saw them begin backing it up as soon as the last commons were clear. He wondered if they would back up all the way to Ringhmon.
After that it was simply a matter of loading everyone aboard the new train. Alain overheard some of the commons grumbling about the freight belonging to them which remained on the stranded Mechanic train, which now would have to either await repair of the trestle or be transported overland by caravan southwest out of Ringhmon to the Silver River, where barges could carry it on to Dorcastle. The additional time involved, Alain gathered, would be substantial, and that would cost the Mechanics Guild a lot of the fees it would otherwise have earned. “At least we know the Mechanics aren’t behind this,” one of the commons muttered in a low voice, afraid of being overheard. “It’s costing them money.”
The other commons laughed harshly in agreement. “It’s costing the Mages money, too,” another suggested. “Maybe they really are innocent.” Then he laughed harder at his joke and everyone joined in, though Alain ducked his head to avoid letting the others see his lack of reaction.
He thought on that later. To Mages, the Mechanics are not only shadows but also false, being nothing like us. Mari says the Mechanics see the Mages the same way. Yet to the commons, the Mages and the Mechanics are much the same thing. I did nothing for that common who was scared to move, and neither did any of the Mechanics except Mari. Had I been wearing my robes, and Mari not been here, the actions of Mage and Mechanic would have been identical. I understand now why the commons speak of the Great Guilds as if we were one.
As everyone got aboard the new train, Mari stopped on her way back to the locomotive to tell him where she would be the second evening after they arrived in Dorcastle. “It’s a restaurant,” she explained after giving the address. “One of the other Mechanics told me about it. If you want to meet again, I’ll be there.”
Something about the way she said those words, something about the way she avoided his gaze, made him ask a question. “Do you want to meet again?”
She had looked at him, her expression uncertain, then nodded. “Yes.”
“Then I will be there. Why did you help that common?”
“He needed to be helped, and no one else was doing anything.” Mari gave him an angry look. “You could have helped. You understand what that it is now.”
“He is not a friend.”
“That’s not the point. Some of the other Mechanics are giving me a hard time about him being a common, and that’s not the point, either.”
“What is the point?”
“Don’t let people suffer! Don’t let anyone be hurt! If you can help, then help! What about that is complicated?” Mari demanded.
Alain thought about her words. “It is not complicated, but doing it might be…” What was the right word? “Difficult.”
“Yeah, well, that’s me in a nutshell, isn’t it?” She had gazed at him defiantly, as if waiting for something.
He had nodded to her. “It is.”
Whatever she had been expecting, that wasn’t it. Mari looked startled, then grinned. “I hope I see you in Dorcastle. But it really is up to you.”
She had entered into the back of the great locomotive beast, and he had entered the part of the train where the commons sat. Everyone was tired, so no one bothered Alain as they all tried to catch up on their sleep.
He could not sleep, though.
He knew that he should not go to that restaurant. He should not meet Mari again. Somewhere in the night, Alain had felt emotions boiling beneath the seals he had placed upon his feelings for so many years. He thought of tears, and help, and friend. Memories once safely buried haunted the darkness.
What manner of challenge was this, that threatened to devastate him as a Mage? All that he had done, all that he had endured, might be destroyed within a short time by his association with Mari. Once again he wondered at the power she had to influence him. To change him. Perhaps to ruin him.
He knew what the teachings of the elders called for when the world illusion pressed too forcefully. A Mage must retire to an empty chamber, devoid of anything but blank walls, and there work to rebuild his certainty of truth: that nothing else existed but him, that feelings and emotions were barriers to wisdom and power, that everything and anything that might connect him to the shadows which were only illusions of other people must be denied and locked away beyond retrieval. Alain had seen Mages do just that a few times while he was still at Ihris, emerging from their voluntary isolation after days or weeks with the total disinterest in the world that marked wisdom.
He should do that when he reached Dorcastle. Deny these memories, deny helping, deny friend, and especially deny Mari. That was the road back to the certainties he knew.