As a foreigner in a country that he did not know well and understood even less, he had few recourses. He was well aware how little he could do against the might of the state, of his impotence as he went from office to office, from one police chief to the next, one official to another. He refused to give up. Refused to accept that someone like Ilona could be locked away for having opinions that didn’t match the official line.
He repeatedly asked Karl what had happened when Ilona was arrested. Karl was the only witness to the police raid on their home. He had been to collect a manuscript of poems by a young Hungarian dissident which Ilona had translated into German and was going to lend him.
“And then what happened?” he asked Karl for the thousandth time as he sat facing him in the university cafeteria with Emil. Three days had passed since Ilona disappeared and there was still hope that she might be released; he expected to hear from her at any minute, even for her to walk into the cafeteria. He glanced regularly towards the door. He was out of his mind with worry.
“She offered me some tea,” Karl said. “I said yes and she boiled the water.”
“What did you talk about?”
“Nothing really, just the books we were reading.”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing. It was just empty conversation. We didn’t talk about anything special. We didn’t know she’d be arrested a moment later.”
Karl could see how he was suffering.
“Ilona was a friend to all of us,” he said. “I don’t understand it. I don’t understand what’s going on.”
“And then what? What happened next?”
“There was a knock on the door,” Karl said.
“Yes.”
“The door to the flat. We were in her room, I mean in your room. They hammered on the door and shouted something we couldn’t make out. She went to the door and they burst in the moment she opened it.”
“How many of them were there?”
“Five, maybe six, I don’t remember exactly, something like that. They piled into the room. Some were in uniform like the police on the streets. Others were wearing ordinary suits. One of them was in charge. They obeyed his orders. They asked her name. If she was Ilona. They had a photograph. Maybe from the university files. I don’t know. Then they took her away.”
“They turned everything upside down!” he said.
“They found some documents that they took away with them, and some books. I don’t know what they were,” Karl said.
“What did Ilona do?”
“Naturally she wanted to know their business and kept asking them. I did too. They didn’t answer her, nor me. I asked who they were and what they wanted. They didn’t give me as much as a look. Ilona asked to make a phone call but they refused. They were there to arrest her and nothing else.”
“Couldn’t you ask where they were taking her?” Emil asked. “Couldn’t you do something?”
“There was nothing that could be done.” Karl squirmed. “You have to understand that. We couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t do anything! They meant to take her and they took her.”
“Was she scared?” he asked.
Karl and Emil gave him a sympathetic look.
“No,” Karl said. “She wasn’t scared. Defiant. She asked what they were looking for and if she could help them find it. Then they took her away. She asked me to tell you that everything would be okay.”
“What did she say?”
“I had to tell you that everything would be okay. She said that. Told me to pass it on to you. That everything would be okay.”
“Did she say that?”
“Then they put her in the car. They had two cars with them. I ran after them but it was hopeless, of course. They disappeared around the next corner. That was the last I saw of Ilona.”
“What do they want?” he sighed. “What have they done with her? Why won’t anyone tell me anything? Why don’t we get any answers? What are they going to do with her? What can they do with her?”
He rested his elbows on the table and clutched his head.
“My God,” he groaned. “What has happened?”
“Maybe it will be okay,” Emil said, trying to console him. “Maybe she’s back home already. Maybe she’ll come tomorrow.”
He looked at Emil with broken eyes. Karl sat at the table in silence.
“Did you know that… no, of course you didn’t know.”
“What?” Emil said. “What didn’t we know?”
“She told me just before she was arrested. No one knew.”
“No one knew what?” Emil said.
“She’s pregnant,” he said. “She’s just found out. We’re expecting a baby together. Do you get it? Do you realise how disgusting it is? That fucking bloody interactive fucking surveillance! What are they? What kind of people are they? What are they fighting for? Are they going to make a better world by spying on each other? How long do they plan to rule by fear and hatred?”
“Was she pregnant?” Emil groaned.
“I should have been with her, Karl, not you,” he said. “I would never have allowed them to take her. Never.”
“Are you blaming me?” Karl said. “There was nothing to be done. I was helpless.”
“No,” he said, burying his face in his hands to hide the tears. “Of course not. Of course it wasn’t your fault.”
Later, on his way out of the country after being ordered to leave Leipzig and East Germany, he sought out Lothar for the final time and found him in the FDJ office at the university. He still had no clue as to Ilona’s whereabouts. The fear and anxieties that had driven him on for the first days and weeks had given way to an almost intolerable burden of hopelessness and sorrow.
In the office, Lothar was cracking jokes with two girls who were laughing at something he had said. They fell silent when he entered the room. He asked Lothar for a word.
“What is it now?” Lothar said without moving. The two girls looked at him seriously. All the joy was purged from their faces. Word of Ilona’s arrest had spread around the campus. She had been denounced as a traitor and it was said she had been sent back to Hungary. He knew that was a lie.
“I just want a word with you,” he said. “Is that okay?”
“You know I can’t do anything for you,” Lothar said. “I’ve told you that. Leave me alone.”
Lothar shifted round to entertain the girls further.
“Did you play any part in Ilona’s arrest?” he asked, switching to Icelandic.
Lothar turned his back on him and did not answer. The girls watched the proceedings.
“Was it you who had her arrested?” he said, raising his voice. “Was it you who told them she was dangerous? That she had to be removed from circulation? That she was distributing anti-socialist propaganda? That she ran a dissidents” cell? Was it you, Lothar? Was that your role?”
Pretending not to hear, Lothar said something to the two girls, who returned silly smiles. He walked up to Lothar and grabbed him.
“Who are you?” he said calmly. “Tell me that.”
Lothar turned and pushed him away, then walked up to him, seized his jacket by the lapels and thrust him against the filing cabinets. They rattled.
“Leave me alone!” Lothar hissed between clenched teeth.
“What did you do with Ilona?” he asked in the same collected tone of voice, not attempting to fight back. “Where is she? Tell me that.”
“I didn’t do a thing,” Lothar hissed. “Take a closer look, you stupid Icelander!”
Then Lothar threw him to the floor and stormed out of the office.
On the way back to Iceland he got the news that the Soviet army was crushing an uprising in Hungary.