“Is there a point to this conversation, Casey?”
“Oh, yeah,” she laughed. “Sorry. It’s no big deal. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
What was with everyone asking me that tonight?
“I know you hate him,” she continued. “I wanted to make sure you were fine… and that he was okay, too. You didn’t, like, stab the boy, did you? I mean, I totally disapprove of murdering hotties, but if you need help burying the body, you know I’ll bring the shovel.”
“Thanks, Casey,” I said. “But he’s alive. Today wasn’t as bad as I expected. Actually,…” I almost told her everything. How Mom and Dad were getting a divorce and how, in a moment of desperation, I’d kissed Wesley Rush, again. How that kiss had turned into something much, much more. How my body felt dirty all over, yet at the same time amazingly free. The words lingered on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t make them come out.
Not yet, at least.
“Actually what, B?” she asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Um,… nothing. He actually had some good ideas for the paper. That’s it. I guess he’s, like, a Hawthorne freak or something.”
“Well, that’s good. I know you find smart boys sexy. Are you gonna admit you want him now?”
I froze, not knowing how to respond to this, but Casey was laughing already.
“I’m teasing, but I’m glad things turned out okay. I was a little worried about you today. I just had this feeling that something bad was going to happen. I guess I was just being paranoid.”
“Probably.”
“I’ve got to go. Jessica wants me to call her with all the details of my meeting with Harrison. She just doesn’t get it, does she? Anyway, I’ll see you at school on Monday.”
“Okay. Bye, Casey.”
“See you later, B.”
I flipped the cell phone shut and placed it on my nightstand, feeling like a total liar. Technically, I hadn’t lied; I’d only withheld, but still… withholding from Casey was, like, a mortal sin. Especially when she made such a point of opening herself to my problems.
But I’d tell her eventually. Well, about my parents, at least. I just needed to deal with it myself before I sprang it on her and Jessica. The Wesley thing, though… God, I hoped they’d never find out.
I knelt at the foot of my bed and started folding the clean clothes, like I did every night. Weirdly, I wasn’t as stressed as I’d expected myself to be. I hated to admit it, but I definitely had Wesley to thank for that.
9
Dad didn’t leave his bedroom for the rest of the weekend. I knocked a couple of times Sunday afternoon and offered to make him something to eat, but he just murmured a refusal, never opening the door between us. His isolation terrified me. He must have been depressed about Mom, and ashamed he’d fallen off the wagon to top it off, but I knew this wasn’t healthy. I decided that if he hadn’t emerged by Monday afternoon, I would bust into the room and… well, I didn’t know what I’d do next. In the meantime, I just tried not to think of my father or the divorce papers on the kitchen table.
Surprisingly, that was pretty easy.
Most of my thoughts swarmed around Wesley. Ew, right? But I really didn’t know how to handle school on Monday. What did one do after having a one-night stand (or, in my case, one-afternoon stand) with the school’s biggest man-whore? Was I supposed to act nonchalant? Treat him with my normal undisguised hatred? Or, because I’d honestly enjoyed myself, should I act, like, grateful? Tone down the contempt and be friendly? Did I owe him something? Surely not. He’d gotten just as much out of the experience as I had, minus the self-loathing.
By the time I arrived at school Monday morning, I’d pretty much settled on avoiding him entirely.
“Are you okay, Bianca?” Jessica asked as we walked out of Spanish at the end of first block. “You’re acting… um, weird.”
I’ll admit, my spy skills weren’t exactly smooth, but I knew that Wesley walked past the classroom on his way to second block, and I didn’t want to risk an awkward post-sex meeting in the hallway. I peered anxiously around the edge of the door, scanning the crowd for those unmistakable brown curls. But if Jessica could tell something was up, I was being way too obvious.
“It’s nothing,” I lied, stepping out into the hall. I looked both ways, like a small child crossing a busy highway, and I was relieved that I didn’t see him anywhere. “I’m fine.”
“Oh, okay,” she said without suspicion. “I must be imagining it, then.”
“You must be.”
Jessica tugged at a loose strand of her blond hair that had escaped from the confines of her ponytail. “Oh, Bianca, I forgot to tell you! I’m so excited!”
“Let me guess,” I teased. “This has something to do with Harrison Carlyle, right? Did he ask you where you got your cute skinny jeans this time? Or how you condition your luscious hair?”
“No!” Jessica giggled. “No… Actually, it’s my brother. He’s coming to visit us for the week, and he should be getting into Hamilton by noon today. He’s going to pick me up from school this afternoon. I’m really excited to see him. It’s been, like, two and a half years since he left for college and -. Hey, Bianca, are you sure you’re okay?”
I stood frozen in the middle of the hallway. I could feel the blood draining from my face, and my hands turned cold and started to shake. There was definite nausea coming on, but I told the same old lie. “I’m fine.” I forced my feet to move again. “I just, um, thought I forgot something. It’s fine. Now, what were you saying?”
Jessica nodded. “Oh, well, I’m so excited about Jake! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve really, really missed him. It’ll be nice to hang out with him for a few days. Oh, and I think Tiffany is coming with him. Did I tell you they just got engaged?”
“No. That’s great… I’ve gotta get to class, Jessica.”
“Oh,… okay. Well, I’ll see you in English, Bianca.” I was halfway down the hallway before Jessica got the sentence out of her mouth.
I pushed past the stampeding students, barely hearing them as they bitched at me for stepping on their toes or ramming them with my backpack. The sounds around me slowly faded as unwanted memories flooded into my head. It was like Jessica’s words had broken the dam that held them back for so long.
“So, you’re Bianca? The freshman bitch that’s been screwing my boyfriend?”
“Your boyfriend? I haven’t been-”
“Stay the hell away from Jake.”
My face burned as the memories rushed back. My feet moved so fast I was almost sprinting toward my AP government class. As if I could outrun the thoughts. As if they wouldn’t chase me with a vengeance. But Jake Gaither would be back in Hamilton for a week. Jake Gaither was engaged to Tiffany. Jake Gaither… the boy who broke my heart.
I ran into the classroom just as the tardy bell rang. I knew Mr. Chaucer’s eyes were glaring in my direction, but I didn’t bother to look. I took my seat near the back of the room, trying desperately to focus on something else.
But not even Toby Tucker’s witty commentary on the legislative branch or the back of his adorable out-of-fashion head could tempt my thoughts away from Jake and his bride to be.
I barely heard a word Mr. Chaucer said all block, and when the bell rang, my page of notes, which should have been full of details from the lecture, consisted of only two short, barely legible sentences. God, I was going to fail this class if shit like this kept coming up.
So much drama! If I were a rich Manhattan snob, I could have been a character on Gossip Girl. (Not that I watch that trashy show… often… that my friends know about…) Why couldn’t my life be a sitcom? Then again, even the Friends crowd had issues.
I slouched toward the cafeteria, and I found Casey and Jessica waiting for me at our table. As always, Angela, Jeanine, and Jeanine’s cousin Vikki joined us. Angela was busy showing everyone her new Vans, so my sulkiness went unnoticed as I slumped into my chair.