“Well, I guess I’m not most people.”
He looked at me seriously. “Does the word even bother you?” he asked.
“No.” I knew it was a lie the second the answer passed my lips. It did bother me, but I wouldn’t admit that. Especially not to him.
My entire body seemed to be conscious of his eyes on me again. Before he could say anything, I stood up and walked to the bedroom door.
“Listen,” I said, twisting the knob. “I have to go, but I was thinking we should do this again. Like a fling, maybe. Purely physical. No strings attached?”
“Can’t get enough of me, can you?” Wesley asked, stretching out on his back again with a smirk. “That sounds good to me, but if I’m so fantastic, you should spread the word to your friends. You say you love them, so you ought to let them experience the same mind-blowing pleasure… maybe at the same time. It’s only right.”
I scowled at him. “Just when I think you might have a soul, you say shit like that.” The door thudded against the wall when I flung it open. I marched down the stairs and yelled, “I’ll let myself out!”
“I’ll see you soon, Duffy.”
What an asshole.
My father was oblivious. I guess his suspicious dad mode was faulty or something because he hardly questioned me as I slipped out of the house to go see Wesley more and more that week. Any sane dad would have been tipped off when his daughter used the “working on a paper” excuse twice in a row, but four times in one week? Did he really think it took me that long to write a stupid essay? Wasn’t he worried I might be out doing exactly what I was doing?
Apparently not. Every time I walked out of the house, he just said, “Have a nice time, Bumblebee.”
But I think cluelessness must have been in the air. Even Casey, who’d been watching me like a hawk since Jake drove into town, hadn’t picked up on anything between me and Wesley. Nothing more than her usual jokes about my secret pining for him, that is. Of course, I was doing everything I could to hide the evidence, but more than once, I was sure she’d caught me.
Like Friday afternoon when we were hanging out in my bedroom and getting ready to go to the Nest. Really, Casey was the one getting ready. I mostly just sat on my bed and watched while she posed in front of my mirror. We’d done this a million times, but with Jessica still clinging to her brother every waking moment, the room felt strangely empty. Almost eerie.
Jessica was so different from both of us. I mean, Casey and I were opposites, but Jessica was from an entirely different planet. She was a constant ray of light. The glass half full. She kept us balanced with that big smile and naive innocence that always shocked us. While sometimes it felt like Casey and I had both seen too much of the world, Jessica was, in a lot of ways, still a child. Virginal. Always full of wonder. She was our sunshine, and Casey and I were kind of in the dark without her.
I was wondering how many more days Jake would be in town, when Casey turned to look at me, apparently deciding that she liked her purple skinny jeans after all. (I’m glad she did, because I thought they were hideous.) “You know, B, you’re dealing with this whole Jake thing a lot better than I expected,” she said.
“Thanks… I think.”
“Well, I kind of figured that when Jake rolled back into Hamilton with his fiancée, you’d be freaked. I was banking on tears, midnight phone calls, and some good old nervous breakdowns. Instead, you’re being, like, totally normal… or, you know, as normal as Bianca Piper ever gets.”
“I retract my thanks.”
“Seriously.” She crossed the room and sat down next to me. “Are you dealing with this okay? You’ve barely complained, which is disturbing because you complain about everything.”
“Do not,” I protested.
“Whatever you say.”
I rolled my eyes. “For your information, I’ve found a way to take my mind off it, but that’s kind of ruined when you keep talking about it, Casey.” I nudged her playfully with my elbow. “I’m starting to think that you want me to cry.”
“At least that would prove to me that you’re not bottling it up.”
“Casey,” I groaned.
“I’m not kidding, B,” she said. “This guy really fucked you up freshman year. You were a crying, blubbering, panicking mess after what he did, and I know it’s hard because we have to keep it from Jess, but you need to deal with it somehow. I don’t want to see you go through that shit again.”
“Casey, I’m fine,” I assured her. “I really have found a way to relieve the stress, okay?”
“What’s that?”
Oh, shit.
“What’s what?”
Casey frowned at me. “Duh. Your way of relieving the stress. What are you doing?”
“Um… just stuff.”
“Are you working out?” she asked. “Don’t be embarrassed if you are. My mom does cardio when she’s pissed off. She says it helps her channel the negative energy-whatever that means. So is that what you’re doing? Are you working out?”
“Um… you could say that.”
Damn it. My cheeks were definitely burning. I turned away from her, examining the hairs on the back of my arm.
“Cardio?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
But miraculously, she didn’t seem to notice that my face was on fire.
“Cool. You know, these pants are a size bigger than what I usually buy. Maybe we should work out together. It could be fun.”
“I don’t think so.” Before she could argue or see the scarlet color of my cheeks, I stood up and said, “I’ve gotta go brush my teeth again. Then I’ll be ready to get out of here. Okay?” And I ran out of the room.
When I returned a few minutes later, I was forced to lie yet again.
“Wanna stay over at my place tonight?” Casey asked as she fluffed her short hair in the mirror. “Mom’s going to a bachelorette party for a woman she works with, so it’ll just be us… and a few James McAvoy movies if you want. Jess will be sad she missed it, but-”
“I can’t tonight, Casey.”
“Why not?” She sounded hurt.
The truth was that I had plans to see Wesley around eleven that night, but obviously I couldn’t just be honest. But I couldn’t really lie either. I mean, my lies were always so fucking transparent. So I did what I was getting better and better at these days. I withheld.
“I have plans.”
“After we leave the Nest?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
Casey turned from the mirror and stared at me for a long moment. Finally, she said, “You’ve been busy a lot lately, you know. You never want to do stuff with me much anymore.”
“I’m going out with you tonight, aren’t I?” I asked.
“Yeah, I guess, but… I don’t know.” She turned away and examined her reflection one last time. “Never mind. Let’s just go.”
God, I hated being dishonest with Casey. Especially because she clearly knew something was going on, even if she hadn’t figured out what just yet. But I was going to do everything in my power to keep my thing with Wesley under wraps.
And, of course, Wesley acted totally casual about everything. In public, we treated each other with the same sarcastic indifference as always. I insulted him, gave him dirty looks, and cursed under my breath as he acted like a pig (not that there was any acting involved). No one would have guessed we were different behind closed doors. No one could tell that I was counting down the minutes until we’d be meeting on his front porch step.
No one but Joe.
“You like him,” the bartender teased as Wesley, after enduring a verbal tirade from yours truly, went off to dance with a giggling bimbo. “And I’m thinking he likes you, too. You two have something going on.”
“You’re insane,” I said, sipping my Cherry Coke.
“I’ve told you a million times, Bianca, and I’ll tell you again. You’re a bad liar.”
“I wouldn’t touch that douche bag with a ten-foot pole!” Did my voice convey enough disgust? “Do you really think I’m that much of an idiot, Joe? He’s arrogant, and he sleeps with everything he can get his filthy hands on. Most of the time, I just want to claw his creepy eyes out. How could I like him? He’s a jackass.”