For lack of anything better to do, I picked up the copy of TV Guide that was lying on the coffee table and began scanning the program schedule. A yellow Post-it note wedged between the pages caught my attention, and I flipped to the section it was marking. Dad had highlighted a Family Ties marathon for the following Sunday night, using the little slip of paper as a bookmark. I smiled and pulled a pen out of my purse, scribbling, “I’ll make popcorn,” on the Post-it. Dad would see it when he got home from his meeting.
Just when I put the magazine back on the table, the doorbell rang. I stood up as quickly as I could without falling and walked over to the door, expecting to be greeted by a big undeserved Toby smile. But the smile that flashed in front of me, while sparkly and white, belonged to someone quite different.
“Mom?” I practically gasped the word, sounding like some chick in a soap opera who’s just learned her evil twin is still alive or something. Embarrassed, I cleared my throat and said, “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Tennessee.”
“I was, but I came to visit you, of course,” my mother replied, cocking her head to the side in her movie-star fashion. Her platinum blond hair was pulled into a neat clip at the back of her head, and she was wearing a red-and-black knee-length dress. Typical Mom.
“But it’s, like, a seven-hour drive,” I said.
“Oh, believe me, I know.” She sighed dramatically. “Seven and a half in bad traffic. So… are you going to invite me in or not?” I could tell by the way her hands twisted around the strap of her handbag that she was nervous to be back in this house.
“Um, yeah,” I said, stepping aside. “Come in. Sorry. But, uh, Dad’s not here.”
“I know.” She was looking around the living room in a way that made me feel anxious for her. She eyed the armchair and couch that had once belonged to her as if debating whether she was allowed to sit there now. “He has his AA meetings on Fridays. He told me.”
“You talked to him?” This was news to me. As far as I’d known, my parents had been avoiding contact since Mom’s reappearance last month.
“We’ve spoken on the phone twice.” She pulled her eyes away from the furniture and focused them on me. They felt like heavy weights on my shoulders. “Bianca, sweetie…” Her voice was soft and sad. Painful to hear. “Why didn’t you tell me he was drinking again?”
I shifted, trying to slide out from under her gaze. “I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I guess I just hoped it would pass. I didn’t want to worry you over nothing.”
“I understand, but Bianca, this is a serious issue,” she said. “You know that now, I hope. If it ever happens again, you don’t get to keep it to yourself. You have to tell me. Do you understand?”
I nodded.
“Good.” She sighed, looking immensely relieved. “Anyway, that’s not why I’m here.”
“Why are you here?”
“Because your dad also told me something else,” she teased. “Something about a boy named Toby Tucker.”
“You drove seven and a half hours because I have a date?”
“I have other reasons to be in Hamilton,” she said. “But this is the most important. So, is it true my baby has a boyfriend?”
“Um, yeah,” I said, shrugging. “I guess.”
“Well, tell me about him,” Mom urged, finally deciding to sit down on the sofa. “What’s he like?”
“He’s nice,” I said. “How’s Grandpa?”
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “He’s fine. What’s wrong? You’re taking your birth control, aren’t you?”
“God, Mother, yes,” I groaned. “That’s not the issue.”
“Thank the Lord. I’m too young and hot to be a nana.”
No kidding, I thought, remembering Vikki.
“Then, what’s the problem?” she pressed. “I came because I heard you had a hot date tonight, and I wanted to have that special Mommy moment. But if you’re having problems, I get to spill out some Mommy advice, too. It’s like a two-for-one visit, isn’t it? Makes the travel time worth it.”
“Thanks,” I grumbled.
“Oh, honey, I’m kidding. What’s wrong? What’s the matter with this boy?”
“Nothing. He’s absolutely perfect. He’s smart and nice and totally right for me. Only there’s another guy…” I shook my head. “It’s stupid. I’m being an idiot. I just need a little time to think things over. That’s all.”
“Well,” Mom said, standing up. “Just remember to do what makes you happy, okay? Don’t lie to yourself because you think it’s safer. Reality doesn’t work like that… I think I told you that before.”
She had.
But I’d been running for so long I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore.
“Though,” Mom continued. “I brought you a little something for your date, and it might help you out while you’re thinking everything over.”
I watched with mild horror as she pulled a pink-and-yellow box from her handbag. Any object that came wrapped in those colors couldn’t be a good thing. “What is it?” I asked as she placed the box in my outstretched hand.
“Open it and find out, silly.”
Sighing, I pulled the hideous bow off the box and flicked open the lid. Inside was a small silver chain with a little white metal charm in the shape of a B. Like the ones girls wear in middle school, as if they’ll forget their own name or something.
Mom reached forward and removed the necklace from the box. “I saw it and thought of you,” she said.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She put down her handbag and moved around to stand behind me, pushing my hair aside so that she could fasten the chain around my neck. “It’s gonna sound corny, so try not to roll your eyes at me, okay? But maybe this will help you remember who you are while you’re figuring things out.” She moved my hair back into place and stepped in front of me again. “Perfect,” she said. “You look wonderful, sweetie.”
“Thank you,” I said, and this time I really meant it. Seeing her made me realize just how much I’d missed my mother.
At that moment, the doorbell rang, and I knew it had to be Toby. As I reached for the knob, I felt Mom slide into place behind me, ready to observe.
Oh, great.
“Hey,” I said, opening the door and glancing away from Toby’s blinding smile.
“Hi,” he said. “Wow. You look beautiful.”
“Of course she does,” Mom interjected. “What did you expect?”
“Mother,” I hissed, shooting her a dirty look over my shoulder.
She shrugged. “Hello, Toby,” she said, waving. “I’m Gina, Bianca’s mother. I know, I look more like her sister, right?”
I gritted my teeth. Toby laughed.
“Have a good time,” Mom said, kissing me on the cheek. “I’m going to pack up some of my things that are still here, but I’m talking at a retirement center in Oak Hill Sunday, so I’ll be staying at a hotel for the weekend. We’ll have lunch tomorrow so I can get all the details.”
She pushed me out the door before I could argue with this, and then I was alone with Toby on the porch.
“She’s funny,” he said.
“She’s insane,” I muttered.
“What kind of talks does she give? She said she was going to a retirement home?”
“Oh. She wrote a self-esteem book.” I glanced back at the house, watching through the window as Mom moved past, headed for the bedroom she used to sleep in, prepared to pack up the last few things she’d left behind. I’d never realized the irony until that moment. For the past couple months, I’d been struggling with my own self-esteem while my mother coached others on how to improve theirs. Maybe if I’d talked to her, it wouldn’t have taken me so long to figure things out. “She talks to people around the country about learning to accept themselves.”
“Sounds like a fun job,” Toby said.