“Bianca?”
Startled, I focused on Toby again. “Hmm?”
“Are you all right?” he asked.
My fingers had been toying with the little B charm around my neck without my realizing it. Immediately I dropped my hand to my side. “I’m fine.”
“Casey warned me that you’re probably lying when you say that,” he said.
I gritted my teeth and searched the dance floor for my so-called friend. She was being added to my hit list.
“And I think she’s right,” Toby sighed.
“What?”
“Bianca, I can see what’s going on.” He glanced over his shoulder at Wesley before turning back to me with a little nod. “He’s been staring at you since he got here.”
“Has he?”
“I can see him in the mirrors over there. And you’ve been staring back,” Toby said. “It’s not just tonight either. I’ve seen the way he looks at you during school. In the hallways. He likes you, doesn’t he?”
“I… I don’t know. I guess.” Oh God, this was uncomfortable. I just kept spinning my straw between my fingers and watching the little waves that appeared on the surface of my drink. I couldn’t meet Toby’s gaze.
“I don’t have to guess,” he said. “It’s pretty obvious. And the way you look at him makes me think you’re in love with him, too.”
“No!” I cried, releasing my straw and glaring up at Toby. “No, no, no. I am not in love with him, okay?”
Toby gave me a small smile and said, “But you do have feelings for him.”
I couldn’t see any sign of pain in his eyes, just a touch of amusement. That made it a lot easier to give him an answer. “Um,… yeah.”
“Then go to him.”
I rolled my eyes without meaning to. It was just so automatic. “Jesus, Toby,” I said, “that sounds like a line out of a bad movie.”
Toby shrugged. “Maybe, but I’m serious, Bianca. If you feel that way about him, you should go over there.”
“But what about-?”
“Don’t worry about me,” he said. “If you want Wesley, that’s who you should be with right now. Dating me won’t make your feelings for him go away… I should know. Definitely don’t worry about me, Bianca. The truth is, I’m in the same situation as you. I just didn’t want to admit it.”
“How?”
Now Toby was the one staring at his drink, nervously adjusting his glasses. “I’m not over Nina.”
“Nina? Your ex?”
He nodded. “We broke up over a month ago, but I still think about her a lot. I really do like you, so I thought that if we dated, maybe I’d forget about her. For a while I did, but…”
“Well then, you should call her,” I said. “Instead of just sitting here pouting, you should call Nina and tell her how you feel. Tonight.”
He brought his eyes back up to meet mine. “You’re not angry? You don’t feel used?”
“That would make me a huge hypocrite since I was kind of using you, too. Even though I really didn’t mean to.” I slid out of the booth and paused to steady myself on the platform shoes. “And for the record, if Nina doesn’t take you back, she’s a moron. I think you’re probably the sweetest, most polite guy I’ve ever met in my life, and I’ve had a massive crush on you for years. I seriously wish you were the one for me.”
“Thanks,” Toby said. “And if Wesley breaks your heart, I promise to… well, I would say I’d kick his ass, but we both know that’s physically impossible.” He frowned down at his skinny arms. “So I’ll write him a strongly worded letter.”
“Okay,” I snorted. I leaned across the table and kissed Toby on the cheek. “And thank you.”
He gave me one more perfect smile, one I would remember for the rest of my life, and said, “You’re stalling. Hurry up and go.”
“Right. Okay. See you in class, Toby.”
“Good-bye, Bianca.”
I took a long, deep breath to calm my nerves as I locked eyes with Wesley again. Then, with a weak smile pulling at the corners of my mouth, I began to push my way through the crowded club, leaving behind the nicest guy in the world. The familiar techno music had stopped playing, and everyone on the floor stood around waiting for the band to go onstage. I had to zigzag between their stationary bodies, no one being considerate enough to step aside for even a millisecond.
I spotted Casey in the crowd-her blond head towering over everyone but the boy beside her, the basketball player she’d been eyeing for weeks-and I knew she wouldn’t like my decision. In her head, it was Wesley’s fault I’d neglected her. She’d be upset with me. She might even get pissed. She’d think I was leaving her behind again. I would just have to prove her wrong. Prove to her that Toby, whom she adored, wasn’t right for me.
When I was about three yards from the bar, a sound filled the speakers, but it wasn’t the Emo music I was expecting. Instead, a screech of feedback assaulted my ears-and totally scared the shit out of me. I was so startled that I jumped, which wouldn’t have been a big deal in any other shoes.
My foot landed on the side of my platform, throwing me completely off balance. Before I could recover, my ankle gave way and sent me flying-face first, naturally-into the wooden floor. Fan-freaking-tastic!
I couldn’t help letting out a whimper as pain shot through my twisted ankle. “Fuck!” I groaned. “Ow, ow, ow! God, I hate these damn shoes.”
“Then why did you wear them?”
My skin tingled as two hands lifted me by the elbows and guided me into a standing position. Realizing I wasn’t stable on my feet, Wesley wrapped his arm around my waist and walked me over to a bar stool.
“Are you all right?” he asked, helping me onto the seat. I could tell by his smile that he was fighting the urge to laugh.
“Yes,” I mumbled, letting myself smile a little. I didn’t really feel that embarrassed. Not with Wesley. Had it been anyone else, I would have run-or hobbled-right out of the club, but with Wesley it felt okay. Like we could laugh about it together.
But the smile faded and his face became serious. He stared at me for a long moment, and his silence was about to drive me up the wall when he finally opened his mouth. “Bianca, I-”
“Bianca! Omigosh!” Jessica materialized at my side, her cheeks pink from excitement and exercise. Behind her, the band had started playing (or attempting to play) an Emo version of a Johnny Cash song. It was sickening, but Jessica managed to talk over the racket. “Oh, Bianca, I finally found you! Did you see? Harrison and I were dancing together! I think he might ask me to prom. Wouldn’t that be great?”
“Good for you, Jessica.”
“I have to go tell Angela!” Then she spotted Wesley. A knowing smile spread across her face as she said, “See you two later.” And with a whip of her blond ponytail, she was gone.
Wesley watched her vanish into the crowd with an amused expression. “She does know Harrison prefers men, right?”
“Let her have hope,” I said, smiling to myself.
He turned his attention back to me. “Yes. Hope is good. Bianca, I-” He grinned wickedly. “I knew you’d give in sooner or later.” He put his hand on my knee and ran it smoothly up my thigh. “You’re finally going to admit that you love me, aren’t you?”
I swatted his hand away. “First of all,” I began, “I don’t love you. I love my family and maybe even Casey and Jessica, but romantic love takes years upon years to develop. So I don’t love you. But I will admit, I’ve thought a lot about you lately and I definitely have feelings for you… feelings other than hatred for the most part. And maybe it’s possible-in the future-that I… could love you.” I hesitated, a little scared of the words that’d just left my mouth. “But I still want to kill you most of the time.”