But BH! Moral rectitude, honesty, and all those other things that don’t feed a man are what people (especially our ineffable Mr. P) expect from him. As such, my sexy baldy, all we need to do is catch BH or that shiftless MR in some kind of sleazy deal to thwart the latter’s ambition for power. The P already trusts you like no one else, for his own reasons. He’s always saying so: “I don’t make a move without T.” “T’s always more than enough for my needs.”
Even here in Mérida everyone knows what they say at the P’s office. “T is my most loyal servant, I could never make a move without T, I trust T more than I trust myself, T is the son I never had. . ”
And so on and so forth.
My adorable little tortilla, we must be even more astute than the eagle that climbed the thorny nopal without asking permission first. The eagle that graces the presidential chair!
What advantages do we have? Our discretion, for starters. There’s no better training for politics than adultery. Little secrets, little secrets. Big surprises, big surprises. Nobody suspects us, nor would they ever think of connecting us in any way. I live here in the land of the pheasant and the deer, and there isn’t a soul who could possibly suspect a thing about our little romantic escapades in Cancún. Good Lord! In that hippie wig, nobody on earth would ever recognize you at the hotel, and please forgive me for saying so, my sweet handsome thing, but the last time we went to the beach a couple of young gringos invited me to go dancing with them at a disco. “Leave your father at home,” they said, “he spends the whole day napping anyway.”
Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, my darling, but I’m telling you this to make you realize that you and I have been discreet, extremely discreet, and on that account we can’t be faulted. You, for your part, have always been a teacher of civil law at the National University, a respected congressman for the now defunct PRI, first a loyal campaigner and then a headhunter for the erstwhile candidate, now for the presidency. Unsullied by chicanery. They could accuse you — and with good reason — of being a horny lech, my darling, although that’s no sin, not even a venial one. But a thief, never. You don’t have to say anything about this, not to me, darling. I know how you live, in that tiny one-bedroom apartment in Colonia Cuauhtémoc. That sickening smell of cooking, garbage, and piss that wafts up the shaft in the stairway. Not even an elevator! And your three Sears suits, your six pairs of shoes, so ancient they’re actually from that ancient old shop El Borceguí, your two Basque berets for protecting your bald pate in January. My God! You’re an ascetic, my tortilla! What they don’t know, of course, is that baldness is a sign — secondary, they say, but a sign nonetheless — of virility, and even if you’re modest in every other aspect, your masculine gifts, my irrepressible man, are still peerless. Why, it’s as if God the Father gave you almost everything in small sizes with one exception, that Tarzan trouser snake, that Popeye prick, that chimpanzee chili that’s very much your own, my bashful one, but it also belongs to me, the woman who so adores you, and asks you to think hard because we’ve only got two more years to achieve our goal.
I adore you, my dear T. Please tell me when I can see you again, and I repeat: Keep your hands clean and your spine straight, but above all watch it, my love, keep your eyes open, and be prepared to be a bit of a bastard. .
11. NICOLÁS VALDIVIA TO MARÍA DEL ROSARIO GALVÁN
Thank you for allowing me to address you in the familiar, María del Rosario. It’s a gift, especially because it makes up for the position you’ve put me in. I know it’s the president’s decision. I know that I can thank him through you for the fact that I’m now sitting at a desk in the hallowed halls of the executive branch. But what a price you’ve made me pay! To have to deal with Tácito de la Canal all day! Everything you told me about him pales in comparison to the dismal truth. If I’m able to bear him at all it’s only because I love you and am grateful for all the help you’ve given me. Besides, I respect your reasons. My first post in the Terán administration is quite close to the president, in the office that’s the heart of the country’s highest authority, at the service of the president’s chief of staff, Tácito de la Canal.
I must be disciplined about this and simply accept the daily company of this repugnant man. Obey him. Respect him. If this is not the best and most genuine proof of my love for you, María del Rosario, I don’t know what is, other than romantic suicide in the manner of young Werther. You tell me that I have to start somewhere, and I do hope that my tenure in this office is brief and instructive. I really am repelled by the sickening obsequiousness of Mr. de la Canaclass="underline" the way he bows before the president, the way he always stands at the president’s side like a cardinal next to a king, and that servile way in which he hurries to arrange the president’s chair each time Terán stands up and sits down. Must Tácito always unfold and place the president’s napkin on his lap at mealtimes? Meanwhile, our casual, unpretentious Lorenzo Terán eats in shirtsleeves and tosses bits of meat to his dog, El Faraón. I can’t decide whether the chief of staff would rather feed the dog himself, or if he’d actually prefer to be the dog and receive those presidential scraps on all fours.
María del Rosario, if you wished to offer me a crash course in the iniquities brought about by political servility, you couldn’t have chosen a better place or a more consummate subject. I can offer you a basic analysis already, and I’ve only been in this office a week. Tácito de la Canal is a master of deceit, daring in the shadows, humble in the light of day, generous when it suits him, but a miser by nature. Just look at how he treats his subordinates. He evinces fear and resentment because he knows that he is not a subordinate but might go back to being one.
There’s a secretary at the office who stands out because of the strange outfits she wears to work. She’s about forty years old — and looks it — but dresses like a little girl. Not a teenager, María del Rosario, but strictly, literally, like a little girl. Curly ringlets crowned by a baby blue bow. Blue and pink taffeta dresses, white ankle socks with embroidered angels at the edges, and patent leather Mary Janes. Her only concessions to adulthood are the abundant layers of powder she piles on her face to hide her wrinkles, the bold vermilion-colored lipstick she wears, the waxed eyebrows and mascara-caked eyelashes.
The minute I laid eyes on her I knew this woman had a secret, and the right thing, the human thing, was to respect that.
Imagine my revulsion, my horror, when yesterday I found a Barbie doll sitting on the swivel chair of this child-secretary, who grew very flustered when she saw it and read the card stuck to the Barbie doll’s blond mane with a hairpin.
I don’t know what the card said, but she read it, burst out crying, and tossed the doll into the trash. I wanted to know what this was all about, and Penélope, an older, stocky, and very forthright secretary, told me that Mr. de la Canal gets his kicks humiliating Doris (that’s the woman-child’s name). He sends her gifts meant for a ten-year-old girl and taunts her constantly by saying things like: “What would your mommy say? That you aren’t a very hardworking little girl. That the teacher should punish you.”