"Too long, however long it was," I said, knowing that it was exactly eighteen days and eight hours. "I don't like to think about it. Jilly's awake now, Paul. Everything will be all right." He looked so painfully hopeful that I dropped my hand to his shoulder and squeezed. "Jilly's back with us. She'll tell us exactly what happened. It's over now, Paul." He looked like he was going to cry. For the life of me, I couldn't bring myself to demand that he explain Laura.
"Well, you look tired yourself, Mac. It's been a long day. You've been pushing yourself too hard. Why don't you have the doctors here check you out?"
I declined and sent Paul home. He looked ready to pitch forward onto his face. I'd nail him about Laura tomorrow. I wanted to know about the damned party on Tuesday night, the same night Jilly drove her Porsche off the cliff.
I realized that I didn't have to know any more about anything right now. Who cared what Paul had told me, what Laura had told me? It didn't matter. Jilly would live. She was the only reason I was here.
I was so tired my eyes hurt but I was too restless to sleep. I ended up wandering the hospital corridors, looking into every room that had windows, except for the morgue in the basement. I had a tough time dealing with the morgue anytime, but now, not a chance.
I went back to Jilly's room a little after one A.M., still wide awake, still restless. I sat down at the small table in front of the window, pulled out my notebook, and began to write. I wrote down what people had told me. I wrote down some of the questions I still had.
I laid down my pen. I shook my head. My written questions sounded like a soap opera. Was Jilly sleeping with some other guy? Who is Laura Scott, really?
I wrote one final question: Jilly's awake. What the hell am I still doing here?
When Jilly awoke at two A.M. I was in a semi-stupor, feeling a strong pull from my cracked ribs because I was stretched out in a long deep chair pulled from the doctors' lounge, alongside her bed. I was holding her hand.
"Ford?"
It was her voice and it sounded to me like old knotted threads, ready to unravel at the first pull. She spoke again, and I knew she'd heard the weakness in her own voice and was concentrating on sounding stronger. "Ford?"
I gave her a big smile, which I didn't know if she could even see because the room was shadowy, with only a lamp in the far corner of the room lowered to dim. But my eyes were used to it. I could see her clearly. "Jilly, hi." I squeezed her hand, leaned up and kissed her forehead.
"You stayed with me?"
"Yeah. Paul looked ready to drop so I sent him on home. You want me to call the nurse?"
"Oh, no, I just want to lie here and be alive and start to believe it. The headache's gone. I just feel sort of weak, nothing more."
I gave her more water and rubbed my knuckles over her smooth cheek. "I was with you, Jilly. I was with you when you went over the cliff, when you hit the water. I felt that huge impact."
She said nothing, just looked up at me, waiting.
"I was in the hospital myself, remember?"
She nodded. "The car bomb explosion, in Tunisia."
"Yes. That dream or vision-whatever-was more than real. I came awake and I couldn't breathe. It scared me shitless, Jilly. What I can't figure out is why you hooked up with me. How you were able to connect to my mind. Were you thinking about me at all at the time?"
She shook her head. "You told me about this already, Ford. I heard you clearly, that first time you came to see me. Do you believe me?"
"Of course I believe you. I'd be pretty stupid if I didn't, since I was with you in the Porsche, going over that bloody cliff."
"It's all very confusing, Ford."
"Jilly, the truth now. Were you thinking about Laura?"
I thought she'd pass out. She turned utterly white, her breath wheezed out, and she was shaking her head back and forth on the pillow. "You brought her here. She was with you. I saw her as clearly as I always saw you. No one else, Ford, just you. And then Laura was with you, and I saw her clearly too. And I started screaming-"
"And you came out of the coma screaming," I said slowly, my eyes never leaving her face. "You saw Laura and you couldn't bear to have her here, and then you woke up. Was she the one who brought you out of it?"
I didn't think she was going to answer me, then she whispered, "I had to get away from her, that's all I know. I just couldn't believe she was still here. What were you doing with her?"
Only the truth, I thought, but what was the truth? There were so many lies swirling about that I couldn't be certain exactly where the truth lay, but I could at least tell her what I thought of things. "When I was here yesterday, I fell asleep holding your hand."
"I know. I saw you."
"We'll talk more about that later. I awoke suddenly and heard you saying that Laura had betrayed you.
At dinner last night I asked Paul about Laura, said that you'd told me about her. It took a while, but he finally admitted that he'd had an affair with her, once he admitted that she actually existed. Then he said he'd broken it off. He told me she wasn't important. He didn't believe that you knew about it. But you see, I knew that you had at least heard her name. I wanted to see her, so I went to the public library in Salem."
Suddenly, Jilly was nearly gasping for breath. She was wheezing. "Ford, you've got to believe me. Stay away from her. She's very dangerous."
And I was thinking: I've never met anyone less dangerous in my life. What was going on here?
"Did she sleep with Paul?"
Jilly shook her head, her skin so pale I thought she would faint. Then she nodded. Was it a yes or a no or just more confusion? In any case, she was tired, upset, and I backed off. I patted her hand and covered her with a light blanket. I stood and felt my body creak. "You're exhausted. It's very late. I'll let you rest awhile. Let me get the nurse."
I watched her for a moment, seeing the waves of fatigue wash over her, dragging her under into oblivion.
The nurse could wait. All my questions could wait. She needed sleep. I turned to see Nurse Himmel standing in the open doorway.
"Don't worry. I won't wake her up again. That's what you were coming to tell me, wasn't it?"
I nodded and stepped back so she could come into the room. I liked Nurse Himmel. She was short, built solid as a Humvee, and she'd always been kind to me, and to Jilly. Like Midge, Mrs. Himmel would have brought me a beer.
"She's sleeping, Mr. MacDougal," Mrs. Himmel said quietly as she gently pulled the blanket up to Jilly's neck. "She's just fine. Her pulse and oxygen level are normal. Goodness, it's wonderful to see a recovery like this. She'll be up and walking around soon. Now you should go home and sleep in your bed. You're looking just a bit slack in the jaw."
"You're right, my jaw could use a rest."
She just smiled at me.
Whatever. I knew she was right. It was just that there was so much Jilly had to tell me. It could wait. It would be stupid if I got myself laid flat again. The people I called friends would never let me live it down.
I could hear Quinlan, another FBI agent, calling me a wimp in that easy dark voice of his. I drove into Paul and Jilly's driveway twenty minutes later. I shucked off my clothes, down to my boxer shorts, and was in bed only five minutes after that.
I dreamed I was a waiter in a nightclub, with a white towel over my arm, carrying a tray of drinks, but I couldn't remember who had ordered them. I just kept walking around this huge room, looking and looking, not knowing, and I was getting frantic. There were dozens of customer drink-tables, all of them circular, people crowded around them. There was Jilly, tap-dancing from one table to the next. She was dancing like a pro. People were whistling and clapping. She was also stark naked except for her black tap shoes. A man whose face I couldn't see clearly was running after her, holding a long cloak toward her, waving it at her actually.