“Nevertheless,” said Amber. “I’ll escort you back. You need to rest. You can hunt Sam down tomorrow.” She stood, and I pushed myself up to my feet. “Can you walk?” she asked.
“I’ll manage,” I said.
“We’ll take the easy route,” she said, looking me up and down. “You know what your problem is, Niall?”
“Which one?” I asked. It seemed like I had so many problems.
“You don’t accept being fey.”
“I thought I was doing quite well,” I said. “I’ve coped with most things so far.”
“That’s not what I mean,” she said. “You call your power when you need it. You summon it when you have a purpose, but most of the time you bury it within you. You hide it, because you’re afraid it makes you less than you are.”
“And you don’t?”
“My power is always with me. It lives and breathes within me and is as much a living part of me as my fingers, or my heart. It’s there when I eat, and when I sleep. It’s in every breath.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to be like that,” I said.
“When you are, and someone tries to shoot you, you’ll be able to finish them before they finish you,” she said. “Until then, you need someone to watch your back.”
She led the way across the grass, waiting when I lagged behind.
TEN
Alex crept along the passage to her room wrapped in glamour designed to turn away curious eyes, checking behind her in case anyone had seen her come in. She went to her door and slipped through, checking the corridor once more before gently closing the door and letting the glamour fall away.
“You’re back late.”
“Jeez!” Alex spun around to find Blackbird sitting on her bed, her hands folded in her lap. “What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?” She laid her hand on her heart. She could actually feel it beating. “What are you doing in my room?”
“Waiting for you.”
“I was out,” said Alex.
“I can see that,” said Blackbird, taking in the stains on the knees of Alex’s jeans, the mud on her trainers, and the dirt smeared into her sweatshirt. “Your father thinks you were looking after the baby.”
“Oh yeah,” said Alex, brushing with her hand at the marks on her sweatshirt. “Sorry about that.” As Blackbird examined her, the stains began to fade subtly. Her hair became less tangled, her hands cleaner.
Blackbird continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “I must confess that’s what I thought too, until I got back and found that the baby’s been with Lesley all evening.”
“I kinda got side-tracked,” said Alex. “I bumped into Sparky and he suggested we go out, and one thing led to another.”
“Did it indeed?” Blackbird looked again at the knees of Alex’s jeans, which were hardly stained at all by now. “It led to another, did it?”
“What d’you mean?”
“Alex, you are old enough to become a mother in your own right.”
“A mother! You’re joking, aren’t you?”
“When one thing leads, as you say, to another, there can be unforeseen consequences.”
“You think I’ve been having sex?” Alex laughed. “With Sparky? I can’t believe you’re saying that.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” said Blackbird. “I’m simply making you aware of things that may have escaped your notice.”
“I think I know about the birds and the bees,” said Alex. “Mum and me had that conversation years ago.”
“Did she mention that being a mother has responsibilities?” asked Blackbird.
“I guess that kinda goes unsaid.”
“Responsibilities that include being where you said you’ll be, doing what you said you would do, and not leaving other people to pick up the pieces for you when you decide to go off and do something else.”
“I said I was sorry,” said Alex.
“Saying you’re sorry isn’t the same as being sorry,” said Blackbird. “And it’s not me you need to apologise to. You may want to find a moment to apologise to Lesley. She ended up looking after the baby in your absence.”
“I don’t know why I have to look after him anyway,” said Alex.
“I’m not your mother, Alex, and I’m not telling you what to do. However, if you say you will do something, I expect you to do it, or at least try.”
“He’s your baby,” Alex said, resentfully.
“He’s your brother,” Blackbird reminded her.
“Half-brother,” said Alex.
Blackbird stared at her for a moment. “I’m not your wicked stepmother, so I’d prefer that you didn’t paint me as one.”
“That’s OK,” said Alex. “Because I’m not Snow White.”
Blackbird glanced at Alex’s knees again, which showed no signs of the stains that had been evident earlier. “No,” she said, “you’re not.” Alex blushed.
Blackbird stood, and as she did, Alex moved quickly away from the door to the window overlooking the courtyard, leaving a clear exit and staying well out of reach of Blackbird, who smiled slowly. “Since your return to us, your father has asked for you to be given space to come to terms with what happened to you. I think you’ve had space enough, Alex, and it’s time you thought about how you might give something in return.”
“I’m not your babysitter,” said Alex.
“I never said you were,” said Blackbird, “and there are other ways that you could show some gratitude for what you have and some respect for those who provide it, though I can appreciate that a young person might not want to be burdened with a baby,” she said. “It would cramp your style somewhat, I think.”
“What does that mean?” asked Alex.
“Only what it says,” said Blackbird. “Is it your intention to join the Eighth Court, Alex?”
She shrugged. “Not got much choice, have I?”
“There’s always a choice, my dear,” said Blackbird, “and consequences either way, but if you are to join the Eighth Court then you will have to pledge allegiance, in blood, on oath. That oath will be binding, and if you swear falsely it will trip on your tongue.”
“Then maybe I won’t swear,” she said.
“That’s your choice,” said Blackbird, “but you will not receive the protection of the court without swearing allegiance.”
“Don’t need protection, do I? I can look after myself.”
“That’s easy to say from a room at the centre of the courts, protected by Warders, surrounded by people you trust. But you’ve been outside, Alex, and I don’t think your memory is so poor that you’ve forgotten what it means to be alone.”
“Yeah, well. I survived.”
“That’s one of the choices,” said Blackbird. “Most of us can survive. We find a way because we have to, but if you want more than mere survival then you need help. That’s what we’re doing, Alex, we’re helping each other to build something better. Think about it.”
Blackbird went to the door and then hesitated. “If I were you,” she said, “I would get myself cleaned up, in bed and at least pretend to be asleep before your father comes back and starts asking the sorts of questions you don’t want to answer.”
“You’re going to tell him?” Alex didn’t want to ask, but she had to know.
“That we talked? No, I don’t think your father needs to be aware of every conversation we have.”
“I meant about coming back late, about not looking after the baby.”
“I won’t mention it, Alex, but that doesn’t mean he won’t find out. Sleep well.”
The door closed behind Blackbird and Alex was left alone, but even so she counted to a hundred before she finally let the glamour go. She was going to have to find somewhere to stash her ruined clothes until she could get them washed. She stripped and dropped all of them behind the chest of drawers, pushing the soiled trainers under the chest with the edge of her foot so they’d be out of sight. The shower she took was hot and long, and after it she felt as if her limbs had turned to jelly. She turned off the light, cracked the door open so that light from the hallway striped up across the carpet and up the wall and slid into bed.
She was exhausted but somehow too gunned to sleep. She felt wired, as if she’d drunk one of Sparky’s boosters and was now so full of caffeine and stimulants that sleep was impossible. Her mind kept turning to the wild ride through the forest, the brutally violent encounter they’d observed, and the promises she’d made to Tate.