“It’s not your father’s doing,” said Blackbird quietly.
“You don’t know,” said Alex. “It could be…”
“A nova is an exploding star, but the light takes centuries to travel the distance to earth so that we can see it. Look, the rest of the article explains. This happened thousands of years ago.”
“It might still be the same,” said Alex. “We don’t know what Dad might have done…” said Alex.
“It’s not him, Alex. I’m sorry.”
“Fine,” said Alex. “Fine! If you don’t want to believe in him then you don’t have to. But I know! I just know, OK!” she slammed the laptop’s lid shut, picked it up and threw it at the wall. It bounced and tumbled sideways, landing on the carpet. She stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Blackbird could hear doors banging as she retreated.
Blackbird went to the laptop and retrieved it from the floor. She took it to the desk and opened it, finding the screen cracked, but the blurry image of the star still imprinted there.
“I want to believe,” Blackbird said quietly. “I really do.”
Against the light inside me, the dark was a cool balm. I pressed the back of my bare feet into the black sand, feeling the sharp grains under my heels. My fingers brushed the surface of the beach, the gritty feel of wet sand under my hand was a welcome sensation. The rhythmic crump and sigh of the waves were a relief. There had been noise and chaos, but I couldn’t remember what had caused it. My memories had been scoured clean. The utter blackness above was soothing to my eyes. All was calm. I felt my chest rise and fall with each breath, and heard my slow heartbeat echoing the thump of the waves.
I closed my eyes again and tried again to look inwards, only to find the glaring brightness coiling inside me. Every time I tried to remember who I was, where I was, why I was here, all I could see was searing light. It twisted and turned, trapped writhing within me. If I could let it out — eject it from inside of me, then I could be free, but every time I turned inwards I was forced away by the brightness there.
There was something — a memory or a dream. There had been a fire. I could smell the smoke on my clothes and feel the rawness where the heat had caught my skin. That didn’t explain the light inside me, though. How did the fire get inside me?
“Cousin. I wondered if I would find you here.”
I opened my eyes. Standing above me was a man I felt I ought to recognise. He wore a long coat and his features reminded me of someone I knew. I could see him illuminated against the sky until I looked away. I looked back and the light found him again. I was seeing him in the glare from my eyes. Somehow the light was escaping from inside me.
“Who?” I asked.
He sighed and then looked out towards the horizon. “Ah,” he said. “So that’s what you did with it.”
“Do I know you?” I asked. His voice was familiar.
“I’m not sure that you ever did,” he said, “and now you probably never will.”
“Where are we?”
“These are the shores of night. This is the last place you will ever be.” He looked around, as if enjoying the view.
“Why am I here?”
“A fine question, though the answer is probably not to your liking.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“I’m here because I let my judgement get the better of me. I let sentiment come before purpose, and I got lost in the play and got careless. You learn fast, do you know that?”
“I’m having difficulty even remembering my name,” I said. “Do you know my name?”
“Yes, Niall. I know your name,” he said.
His use of my name brought other things back. “You’re… Raffmir,” I said. “And we are not friends.”
“Not friends, no.” He agreed. “But we have a deal in common. Come,” he said offering his hand.
I took it and got to my feet. Somewhere I had lost my shoes, but the sharp wet sand under my feet was not unpleasant. “What now?” I asked him.
“Now? In due course we will discover that together, perhaps, but for now let us walk along the shores of night, and you can tell me how much you remember.”
“Should I walk with my enemy? You tried to kill me, I remember that now.”
“There are no friends or enemies here, Niall. Only companions. Did you know you’ve been here before?” He set off along the shore and I walked beside him.
“No,” I said.
“At least twice,” he said, “though the memory of it will be lost to you.”
“Then, how do you know?” I asked him.
“Ah, well,” he said. “Therein lies a tale.” We walked along the shore, the waves lapping almost to our feet. “And for once, we have time on our side…”