“I thought if I got married, nobody would notice how odd I was.”
This had the feel and texture of an oft-repeated refrain, so what the hell, I could do ten minutes, I said,
“Yeah.”
Neither a question nor agreement, just throw it out there. Safe. He said,
“Didn’t work.”
Like seriously, I could give a fuck?
I asked, sounding as if I cared,
“She left you?”
He gave me a look, bordering on pity, said,
“Don’t be daft. She went round telling everybody how odd I was.”
The Jay had worked some abandon and I said,
“Backfired, eh?”
Not good.
He snarled,
“What’s that mean?”
Fuck.
I said,
“Tell you what: you carry on drinking and talking shite and me, I’ll take my good self elsewhere.”
Before he could quite digest the insult I was moving, and the barman said,
“Nice one, Jack.”
Depends on which side of a good beating you sit.
I stopped to listen to a guy massacre “The Fields of Athenry,” got my phone out, and called Emily.
Answering machine that went,
“Hey asshole, you know the drill.”
Okay.
I said,
“Emily, got a lead on your plan for the Grammarian but it’s vital you meet me at the Twelve Pins in Connemara before five this afternoon.”
I got a large takeaway coffee from a deli and a half bottle of Jay, moved down to Nun’s Island, and settled down in a doorway to wait.
“Cotton Point is plagued with rabid foxes, and the novel’s haunting refrain ‘poison fox bit you, you were poison too.’”
(Pete Dexter, Train)
Superintendent Clancy had gathered the murder squad. He was caught between the prospects of landing a huge coup and a massive fuckup. He peered at the anxious faces of the Guards and detectives assembled, began,
“We stand on the precipice of a great success.”
Paused.
He did like his drama.
Then,
“Or a horrendous clusterfuck.”
He picked out Ridge’s face, said,
“Park, the suspect, has called for a lawyer and we know what that means.”
Did he expect an answer?
A guy at the back ventured,
“We have to beat the shite out of him now.”
Clancy nearly smiled then reined in, barked,
“That is not how we do things.”
Murmurs.
“Tear his house apart, bring me something that says this is the fellah.”
Ridge tried,
“We already have lots of suspicious items but nothing that is definite. He did have an inordinate amount of dictionaries.”
A moment as the crowd wondered if this was a joke.
Nope.
She continued,
“The suspect seems to be disoriented. We think he administered a DIY version of ECT.”
Clancy took a moment to figure this, then,
“You mean he shocked the be-Jaysus out of his own self?”
He was interrupted by a young Guard who said,
“He’s lawyered up.”
Said it just like in the movies. Clancy said,
“Fuck.”
He snapped at the young guy,
“Is he a Prod?”
The guy did know he meant Protestant but wasn’t altogether sure what one looked like. He’d grown up in the years such nonsense didn’t rate, he tried,
“Should I ask him, sir?”
Clancy raised his eyes to heaven, muttered,
“Give me fucking patience.”
Then to Ridge,
“Get me evidence. We’ll stall this shithead as long as we can.”
The lawyer, named Pearson, knew he had a headline case and had alerted the press, and put on his Mason’s tie for the doorstep lecture he’d deliver. If he handled it the right way, he’d get a book out of this and use that to claim an artist’s tax exemption. It was win-win. Clancy came out of his office, all fuss and blunder, said,
“Be just a moment while your client is having a wee cup of tea.”
Pearson smiled, said,
“Well, Superintendent, it’s like this: you can opt for the small fiasco or go large when I add police brutality to the sheet.”
Clancy looked as though he might wallop him, then asked,
“I know you?”
Pearson gave a well-fed, well-rehearsed chuckle, then,
“Not yet but by Christ you will.”
Clancy thought,
“Yeah, a Prod.”
“Pain is both a tool and a working condition, like heat or a dictionary. And more important, that pain is like darkness, held at bay by the candles of our friendship and our world.”
I watched Emily drive out of the gated building. She was driving an Aston Martin. She seemed to have unlimited access to cars, like everything else.
I got across the road before the gate clanged shut, and getting into the main block took a good five minutes. I had a fine-tuned set of burglar keys given to me by a guy who now sat on the new water board. Still picking people’s pockets but with sanction, if not approval. The door to her apartment gave me a moment of pause. Would she booby-trap?
Oh, yeah.
So I was extremely careful, my heart hammering.
Finally the door opened and I stepped inside. An OCD wet dream. Spotless and everything in white: walls, sofas, coffee table. A lingering aroma of weed and patchouli. Not unpleasant.
There was an open-plan sitting room leading to a kitchen and bedroom. On the main wall was a large framed photo of a man with his collar turned up, heading into a dark alley. It was black-and-white and, dare I say, arresting.
“Fuck,”
I said,
As
I realized it was me.
Jesus.
Shaking my head, I headed for the kitchen, a solid steel fridge, opened to reveal a full-stocked range of supplies. Six-pack of Shiner Bock; had me one of those cold babes. Still hadn’t decided if I wanted her to know she’d been invaded. On the kitchen table was this:
A solid gold Colt.45, fully loaded, ready to rock. It was a beautiful piece. Yeah, I’d confiscate it. Slid it into the waistband of my jeans. Felt better already. If she came home suddenly, I could simply shoot her.
A small shelf had some books, titles were
All My Puny Sorrows.
Probably among the finest novels ever on suicide and indeed family fuckup.
Then,
David Foster Wallace essays.
And
Anne Sexton poems.
Why was that not a surprise?
I finished the beer, thought,
“Go another?”
Yeah, why not?
Pulling drawers open at random, I found a faded photo, four men, one I recognized as Emily’s murderous father and, beside him, a man whose head was circled in red, and a red label above proclaiming/asking?
“The Grammarian?”
The other two I knew from a high-profile case where they had been convicted of assaulting young girls. I said,
“Fucking motley crew.”
In her closet I found a metal chest, opened to see stacks of banded cash, muttered,
“Holy shit.”
Tempted to grab a wedge but, hey, taking the gun, that was simply disarming her. But taking money — that was outright stealing. Put a pack in my jacket, hundreds of euros. Moved across the room and opened a closet and, oh, fuck
Reams and reams of baby clothes. I shut that quick, my heart scalded. Said,
“I am not going to think about that, no fucking way, I didn’t see it.”
I moved to the door, looked back at her life, barren, cold, empty, and like, I had something better?