“Oh yes. I’m Keira, Kenneth’s friend. He’s at home finishing his homework, so he asked if I could take Basil out.”
“You are very similar to Kenneth, are you related?” David asked.
“Not that I know of,” she said.
Ben decided to chase a Spaniel, so their attention was diverted. Keira left, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Okay, girl, you just learned something – not in your own back yard!” she said to herself as she walked rapidly home.
Her mother had not returned, so she took off the torc and changed back to normal.
Normal?
No, she changed back to being Kenneth, and couldn’t wait to return to normal; to be Keira.
Linda came home a little before eight, to find Kenneth sitting on the sofa with the dog on his lap, watching TV
“Have you done your homework?” she asked, seemingly distracted.
“Yes, and I’ve fed the dog and had some supper.”
“What did you have?”
“There was some pizza left from yesterday.”
“Oh, was there enough?”
“Not really, so I made a bacon sandwich as well. How’s Uncle Bill?”
“Not too bad. He’s getting stronger each day. He and Carrie went for a walk today, just around the flat bit in the country park. They had a cup of tea at the visitor centre.”
“That’s good.”
“Did you walk Basil?”
Kenneth was about to say that he had, when an idea came to him.
“No, I had some French homework to do, so a friend took him to the woods for me.”
“Oh, what friend; Connie?”
“No, you haven’t met this one; her name’s Keira.”
“Oh, a school friend?” Linda asked as casually as she could. She was beginning to be very concerned over Kenneth, fearing that he might be gay, as he appeared to have no inclination to meet girls; apart from that dreadful Connie, who didn’t count.
“No, she goes to a girls’ school, I think. She lives along the road somewhere. I’m not sure where.”
“Oh? How did you meet?” Linda asked, thinking that Kenneth was being deliberately evasive; as if he was hiding something. She remembered her first boyfriend, of whom she knew her parents would disapprove. She was equally vague and evasive about him.
“She walks dogs as an after school cash earner. She asked if I wanted Baz walked. I told her I couldn’t afford it, so she said she’d do it for nothing if I helped her set up her computer.”
Linda frowned.
How does she know you’re good with computers?”
“She knows Connie, so I guess she told her.”
“Ah!” said Linda, things were becoming clearer now.
“Was Baz all right with her?”
“She never said he wasn’t. She said she met those two from next door with their Labrador, Ben.”
“Who; David and Ruth?”
“Yeah, that’s them. Apparently, they wanted to know if we were related.”
“Why?”
“I dunno, perhaps we look a little alike, I’m not sure.”
“I’d like to meet her; when is she coming around again?”
Kenneth shrugged, pretending to be intent of the TV show.
“Kenneth?”
“Sorry, I’m not sure.”
Linda gave up the interrogation, heading into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.
The kitchen was tidy, as it always was after Kenneth had been there. This was another reason she suspected he might be gay, as he always tidied up and even made his bed every morning. All her friends with teenaged sons complained that they were slovenly, scruffy and unkempt; they never tidied up and left crumbs everywhere. Hell, even Graham, her husband, was like that and he was in his mid-forties.
She and Graham did not communicate as much as they ought to, but they had had a few conversations regarding their son’s possible sexuality. Graham wouldn’t have it that Kenneth might be gay. Despite Linda feeling that it was a distinct probability, her husband denied all the evidence that she listed
“He’s just a sensible boy who’s probably a late developer,” Graham said, repeatedly. He conveniently forgot that by the time he was a year younger than Kenneth, he was avidly attempting to get into Tessa Bryant’s knickers behind the bike sheds.
Linda was still anxious, as to have a gay son would be the kiss of death in the tennis club. She could imagine Amanda bloody Perkins smirking behind her back. Oh, and the indignity of it all if he brought some horrible boyfriend home and had an expectation that they’d accept such a disgusting relationship. She conveniently forgot about her ‘unnatural’ relationship with Yvonne.
She carried her cup into the sitting room and sat on the sofa next to her son. The dog came over to get some love from her.
“Ken?” she started.
Kenneth groaned inwardly. Here it comes again, he thought.
“Mmm?”
“I don’t want to sound naggy or like a typical silly mother, but if there was anything wrong, you would tell me, wouldn’t you?”
“Probably not,” he said.
She hadn’t listened.
“You see, we do love you and want the best for you, but we’d like to know if there’s anything bothering you.”
“Yup, I know, that’s why you’ve consistently ignored me whenever I do share stuff.”
“You see, there are times when a mother knows that something might not be quite right, and, well, if we can help in any way, please let us know.”
Kenneth turned to his mother, who looked embarrassed.
“You want to know if I’m gay, right?”
Linda blushed a bright red.
“Not especially, just anything that might be, you know, not right.”
“So, you’re saying that being gay is not right?”
That silenced her for a moment, but she quickly denied that she didn’t mean not right as in wrong, but not right as in, well, as in ill or something, and managed to dig a deeper hole for herself.
“If it’s any consolation, I’m not gay, in that I am not a boy that is attracted to other boys, okay?”
Relief flooded from her almost tangibly.
“Oh, thank God for that. You have no idea how relieved that makes me feel!” she said.
“Do you remember when I was about five, I told you that I should have been a girl?” he asked, deflating her euphoric moment.
“No, should I remember?” she said.
Linda at first denied, it, but then admitted that she did recall the conversation. She began to experience a feeling of dread; as if she knew what was coming next. She hoped she was wrong. Having one of them would be worse than having a queer as a son. Oh my God, what would they say?
“But that was just silly talk, you were too young to know about such things,” she said.
“I am sixteen; do you think I’m still too young?”
“No dear, I’m not suggesting anything like that.”
“I have, ever since I was about four, been convinced that I should have been female. I told you then, and a couple of times since, and each time you told me I was mistaken and to get those silly notions out of my head. Well, the notions are still there, and, as I’m seventeen next year, I fully intend to explore the possibility of finishing my life as a girl. Every waking moment of every single day I know that I am a girl inside. It even invades my dreams when I’m asleep. Every night when I go to bed, I pray to wake up a girl, and every morning I wake up disappointed. Now, is that what you wanted to know when you asked if anything was wrong?”
Linda was silent, as she just couldn’t think of what to say.
“So, when I say I am not a boy attracted to other boys, you have to believe me. You see, I think that inside, I am a girl, with normal girl feelings that I cannot express or experience because of what’s on the outside and what society demands of me.”
Linda started to say something, but couldn’t find the words.
“I’m sorry if my attempting to find some degree of happiness or fulfilment interferes with your plans for me, but there you go. This is my life, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow anyone to make my decisions for me. If I make mistakes, then that’s fine; they’ll be my mistakes, but you can forget whatever you have planned for me, as I’m going to go my own way, come what may.”