“Yes.”
“It happens to boys too. Some boys need to affirm their admiration in a sexual manner. It could be that they want to dominate others, to show they are more assertive, and it sends confused messages to the brain. Others, particularly those who might have had a weak or absent male presence in their lives, can seek affirmation from older or more assertive men. You can have a child who has several brothers and sisters, brought up in a loving home by two balanced parents, but one of the children might be gay, and no one knows why. For some, it’s a passing fad that changes as they grow older; for others, it’s more permanent. Nothing is carved in stone, and all people are different. One’s sexual orientation doesn’t make you any less of a person; if you look back in history, some of the giants in just about every aspect of human achievement have been gay.
“Now, start from this point; your father is sufficiently concerned about you to bring you here, probably knowing that I am not in the business of ‘curing’ anyone of their sexual orientation. What I do is help both the patient and their loved ones come to terms with whatever they are and give them the necessary desire to be useful members of a society that is often very cruel and unkind towards anyone that might not come up to what they think is normal. Your sexual orientation is secondary to who you are, as long as you choose it to be so. You can choose to be a nice person, or a nasty one, whether you are straight or gay makes no difference. But if you can’t deal with the conflict within yourself, how can you ever hope to form any relationships with anyone else?”
“I dunno.”
“No, neither do I. Let’s go back one; do you want to go through life knowing that others believe you to be an unpleasant person?”
“No.”
“So, what do you think you can do about it?”
“I dunno.”
“Okay, if you were your father, what do you think he wants you to do?”
“Not be queer.”
“Take that out of the equation for a moment. You are attending a school that has just suspended you for violence, not for being gay. You have to face the consequences of your behaviour, not your inner feelings. You agree that you feel anger and frustration, and you aren’t sure why. What is your first task?”
“Huh?”
“If you could wave a magic want and make something in your life go away, what would it be?”
“Being queer.”
“Okay; say it’s gone. You are still suspended, people still look at you and think you’re a bully, so what do you need to do?”
“Change my behaviour?”
“Good, but what comes before the behaviour; as the behaviour is usually only the result of what’s going on in one’s head?”
He looked blankly at her.
Anne sighed, as he was proving to be a tough nut to crack.
“Life is mostly about choices. Often we make choices that are the easiest and give us an advantage of some sort. Some can be to avoid disadvantages, but a few are made for us by either other people or circumstances. Now, your behaviour towards others, particularly some boys, is governed by your attitudes. As you’ve been growing up, you have been forming attitudes. These are passed to you by your parents, their behaviours and attitudes; your peers and everyone with whom you come into contact, regardless of whether it has been a positive interaction, negative or even neutral.
“Over the next week, until we meet again, I want you do make me a chart with three columns. In the left hand column I want you to list all what you think are your problems, as you see them, not from any other perspective. Can you think of any problems?”
“Um, anger?”
“Is that a problem or a result?”
“Huh?”
“What makes’ you angry?”
“Oh. I’m not sure.”
“Then you need to think about it. Any others?”
“Aggression and violence.”
“Again, what makes you resort to violence?”
“Bullying, picking on people. Er, frustration, um, being attracted to boys.”
“Okay, how do you get on with girls?”
He shrugged.
“Okay, I’m not that bothered.”
“All right, is how you relate to girls a problem?”
“Possibly.”
“Then put it down, along with anything else. Then, in the middle column, put against the problem, your attitude towards that subject. For example, against girls you might put fear or mistrust. Against bullying you could put anger, but it could be self loathing. In the last column you need to associate observable behaviour that seems to appear. So, against bullying, you have anger, and lastly violence, do you understand?”
“I think so.”
“Good; once we have the chart, we will make a fourth column and look at why each happens that way, so look for the cause. Once we understand that, and this will mean you opening up to me and telling me everything that makes you Roddy, we should be able to help you iron out any kinks; okay?”
The boy nodded, giving her a weak smile – the first.
“Shall we get dad back in now?”
“I suppose so.”
“If you go and ask him to come in, then you go and get a drink and relax for minute, as you must be tired.”
Richard came back in, and sat there as Anne outlined her strategy for Roddy to delve into his mind and relist on paper where things were going wrong.
“Once we have this chart, we can explore it together, all three of us, and work out a strategy for Roddy to overcome some of his problems, and thereby remove some very negative attitudes and behaviours that are causing him the problems in the first place. One of these is your attitude towards homosexuality.”
“Mine?” said Richard, surprised.
“Yes. Part of the problem, in my opinion, is that you have voiced such a vehemently antagonistic attitude towards gay men that this has instilled within your son a real conflict of late. As he is increasingly finding himself attracted to boys, his knowledge of your feelings, and his own attitude that is wholly supportive of your attitude so he will meet your approval, is tearing him apart. We need you to affirm your approval of him as an individual, regardless of sexual orientation, if we are to make progress. We’re not asking you to suddenly change your spots, as I know some attitudes and values are hard to change, what I am asking you is to show unconditional love to your son, regardless of whether he is gay or straight.”
Richard was silent for a moment.
“So, it’s all my fault?”
“I never said that, but your attitude is not helping things within his mind. To be honest, having a mother who left is another factor that we will have to talk through. These are all factors, with a lot more that will only come out if he knows that you love him regardless.”
“I do, though.”
“Have you ever told him?”
“Well, not in so many words.”
“Three words, Mr Myers, just three little words; I love you. You could add, something like - ‘nothing else matters’, but that’s optional.”
It was a very thoughtful pair who drove home that evening.
Keira cursed as the doorbell rang. On peering through the curtains, she saw a police car on the drive. Kenneth had called the police three hours ago, so he thought nothing had come of it.
“Shit!” she said, and became Kenneth.
The policeman was a big man, even if he was only around twenty-three.
“Evening, is this the residence of one Graham Frost?”
“Yes, he’s my Dad.”
“You’re Kenneth, yes?”
“Yes; was he drunk?”
“He’s been involved in a road collision a few miles down the road. He was taken to Wexham Park Hospital with a suspected fracture to the spine. They now think it’s just whiplash, but he was required to give a specimen of blood as it is strongly suspect he’d been drinking. However, he became agitated and angry and punched the officer. He’s now in Slough Police station, and he gave a specimen of breath that was double the legal limit. He’ll be held there until sober enough to charge. He will be bailed to this address to attend court next week.”