"I present to Your Majesty Doctor Sir Harold Shea, a mundane with a petition."
She put his hand over his heart and bowed to the horizontal, flourishing an imaginary hat with a sweeping gesture. When he straightened up, he faced Queen Ozma on her throne. She must have been about Dorothy's age in terms of mundane maturity; but she was still one of the most beautiful women Shea had ever seen. A circlet of gold, to each side of which was fastened a large red blossom, confined her midnight hair. After scrutiny, Shea decided that the blossoms were artificial.
"Master Shea," said Ozma. "Your pardon, Doctor Sir Harold Shea. Do not, pray, take offense at our curiosity; but we should like to know whence you obtained those appellations of rank, 'Doctor' and 'Sir'?"
Shea smiled easily. "Your Majesty, the 'Doctor' was awarded in consequence of my studies at the Garaden Institute in the mundane world, and I was dubbed a knight by the warrior lady Britomart in the world of The Faerie Queene."
"Of what sort were these studies whereof you speak?"
"In the workings of the human mind, Madam."
"Perhaps we should keep you with us, to unravel the mystery of why people, living secure and comfortable lives, persist natheless in acts of mischief, dishonesty, and violence. But now tell us what you would of us, pray."
When Shea had again told the story of Walter Bayard's stranding in mythological Ireland, Ozma sat quietly for some time. Twice she leaned forward and seemed about to speak but then sank back on her throne. At last she spoke, not to Shea but to a flunkey:
"Where is our consort?"
"My last knowledge, Your Majesty, is that he was on the tennis courts."
"Kindly request him to join us in the Audience Room." She turned back to Shea. "Sir Harold, you appear to have led a lively career, leaping from world to world. Whilst we wait, will you tell us of one of your adventures?"
"Gladly, Your Majesty," said Shea. "When I sojourned in the iron castle of the enchanter Atlantes, in the world of the Orlando Furioso Shea was telling how he and Polacek had bribed the goblin Odoro to fetch them a bottle of liquor in the nonalcoholic Muslimoid environment, when the consort entered, carrying a tennis racquet. King Evardo was a tall, lean, well-muscled man, with blond hair streaked with gray. He wore shorts and a T-shirt, and sweat beaded his features.
The flunkey made introductions, and Shea repeated his bow. To his surprise, Evardo thrust out a large hand. Shea shook it and got the impression of a crushing grip, deliberately held back from its full power.
"A pleasure, Sir Harold!" boomed the consort, wiping his face with the towel a flunkey handed him. He turned to Ozma. "What's the problem this time, darling?"
On request, Shea repeated the tale of Bayard's stranding. He ended: "... So I thought that if Your Majesties would use the Belt to fetch Bayard here and then send us both home ..."
"I see." said King Evardo. looking through narrowed lids.
Ozma spoke: "It sounds like a praiseworthy enterprise—"
She broke off as Evardo raised a hand. The consort said: "My darling is sometimes a trifle impulsive, perhaps a bit over-accommodating. This is a lovable quality in a spouse but unrealistic in a ruler. Assuming that we can, with the Belt, accomplish these feats, wherein lies the benefit to the Kingdom of Oz?" After a pause, he added: "To put it in the mundane vernacular, what's in it for us?"
"I—I hadn't thought," said Shea. "What could I possibly do for Your Majesties?"
"One task stares us in the face, namely: the rescue of our son Oznev from captivity by the Gnome King."
"Huh? Do you mean old Ruggedo? I thought you had turned him into a potted cactus!"
Evardo gave a grim chuckle. "So we had; or to be exact, so our friend the elf Himself had. But Ruggedo's former chancellor, Kaliko, succeeded him. Kaliko's a less contrary, cantankerous character than old Rug. but you trust either at your own risk.
Anyhow, we sent Oznev off to visit his cousins in Ev, during his summer vacation from Wogglebug U. Then, when we looked in Ozma's magic picture to see how he was getting on, it showed us poor Oznev chained in an underground cell. Next we got a note from Kaliko, delivered by messenger bat, saying he would trade the boy for the Belt. If we didn't agree, he would send Oznev home—but a piece at a time.
"So, what do you expect me to do?" asked Shea.
"We'll transport you to Ev by the Belt, dropping you off near the Gnome King's western palace, which is actually a glorified cave. We'll give you a chart, showing how to find the entrance to the Kingdom of Gnomicia. Once inside, you're on your own."
"If you know where Oznev is, why can't you fetch him home by the Belt?"
"Because the Gnome Kingdom is so well protected by magical barriers and counter-spells that no device like our Belt can get through into it. We can just barely bring it into focus in our magic picture. The Royal Wizard of Gnomicia, Doctor Potaroo, set them up and keeps adding new ones. Other wizards call Potaroo a fifth-rater, but there's nothing fifth-rate about his magical defenses."
Shea said: "I understand that Gnomicia is a labyrinth of caves and tunnels, in which an outsider could easily get lost."
"Right you are!" said Evardo.
"Then how do you expect me to find my way around it? Wandering through miles of tunnels wouldn't do your son a bit of good. Do you know a trustworthy guide?"
Ozma spoke: "The only person in Oz who knows the tunnels is Ruggedo—"
"What!" exploded Evardo. "We mustn't even think of turning that villainous old scundermuch loose on an innocent world!"
"Perhaps, if he promised to reform—" began Ozma.
"Darling! He's promised that before, more than once, and each time he backslid. It's out of the question, Sir Harold."
"Then," said Shea, "I'm sorry, but I really don't see how I can help you in this matter. Of course, Your Majesties and several of Her Majesty's subjects, like Princess Dorothy, have been in the caverns and come out again, but I don't suppose—"
"You don't suppose correctly, snapped Evardo. "It's true that the Queen and some of our friends have visited Gnomicia, but only briefly, seeing but a small fraction of the complex. Your chances of finding Oznev were as good if you went in cold as they would be with, say, the Scarecrow or Tik-Tok as guide ..."
The argument growled on and on, Shea refusing to agree without a sure guide, living or documentary; the royal couple refusing to help recover Bayard unless Shea undertook the mission. At last Shea suggested:
"Maybe Ruggedo would be so pleased by a chance to oust Kaliko and get his throne back that he'd be glad not only to show me around but also to stay there, without further conditions. I believe he did once recover his kingdom but wasn't allowed to keep it."
Evardo sighed. "I still wouldn't trust him any farther than I could throw a chimney by the smoke. Sometimes you mundanes are too sharp for us poor, simple fairylanders. Let's drop the subject and take it up again tomorrow, when the Queen and I have discussed it. You are welcome to dine and pass the night in the palace."
The audience resumed at ten the next morning. Evardo said: "Sir Harold, the Queen and I have decided to take you up on your proposal to give Ruggedo back his gnomish form. Then we shall see if hell fall in with our scheme. Pray come with us to the conservatory, good my sir!"
Following the royal couple and a brace of guards. Shea ducked right and left to avoid masses of greenery. The air was steamy. Evardo and Ozma stopped at a long bench on which were lined up flowerpots containing spiny and prickly plants, such as cacti, agaves, and thistles.