“Just lean on me,” BT said, picking me up like a rag doll.
“I think she will know something is up,” Mrs. Deneaux said, “with you carrying him around like a ventriloquist’s dummy.”
BT had one arm wrapped around my waist and had me pulled into his side, this I could tell because my head, which seemed to weigh a thousand pounds, was pointed straight down. Like a new born baby I couldn’t even hold my head up.
“At least I’ll be able to see Durgan’s boots as he kicks me with them,” I said. Gallow’s humor.
“Not funny man,” BT said as he dragged me around the roof. I’m not sure what he was trying to achieve but he kept doing it. Pretty soon he was going to scrape the tips of my hiking boots clean off.
“I’m not a junkie. I don’t think walking me around in circles making sure I stay awake is going to work in this situation,” I said, still looking down at the rooftop.
“Can’t think of anything else to do man, and I’m nervous as hell, so you get to go for a ride.”
“Wheee,” I said cheerlessly. “How much more time do you think we have?”
“Never enough,” he answered.
I was able to finally move my head upwards by degrees as we heard Eliza coming up the stairs.
“I’m in trouble,” I said, almost able to pull my head into a horizontal viewing position.
“If you’re in trouble, we all are,” BT said grimly.
“If I can’t stand by the time she comes for me, make sure you save one of those bullets for me.”
“Will that work? I mean now?” BT asked me.
“I think if an overzealous horsefly came right now, he could finish me off.”
“Mike, you’re not instilling me with confidence in our group decision.”
“You think?”
“So you lose your soul but not your sarcasm?”
“That might have hurt if I could muster up the strength to care.”
“Do you think this was a trick?” Gary asked.
I hadn’t known it before but he was walking behind us the whole time.
“I mean, maybe he just weakened you so that you had absolutely no chance. I mean, it seemed like he set his sister up, maybe he did the same to you,” Gary finished.
“Well, you’re just full of good cheer,” I told him. “Maybe he even injected me with a little zombie plague for shits and giggles.”
“It’s possible Mike,” BT added.
“Nobody thought to voice these friggen’ concerns before I let Bat Boy bite me?”
BT shrugged his shoulders but since I was attached to his hip my feet now dangled four inches off the ground as he made the gesture.
“Michael?” Eliza asked almost sweetly.
“Mike’s not here!” Gary yelled.
I could feel BT’s head turning around. “You kidding me?” he asked Gary.
“I mean, he’s sleeping!” Gary told Eliza.
“Get him!” Eliza said with not a hint of her earlier merriment.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Gary said.
“Don’t they have medication for what ails you Talbots?” BT asked.
“I’m still looking!” Gary yelled in a different direction to make it sound like he had moved.
“One minute, Michael, or the deal is off,” Eliza said furiously.
“I’m here,” I rasped.
“Has the shroud of death settled over you yet? It is a cold cloak, wet with the tears of mourning loved ones and broken dreams,” Eliza asked.
“They don’t make one in his size, bitch!” BT roared. “You should know that by now!”
“Durgan will be ready in ten minutes, will you?” Eliza laughed as her voice trailed behind her descent back down the stairs.
“I don’t like her very much,” BT said.
I would have agreed but I was in the midst of passing out again.
‘Michael, I have stalled as long as I possibly can, you need to get up.’
‘Tomas? Oh no, you’re in my head again.’
‘My sister and Durgan will be on the roof in less than five minutes.’
‘Was this a trick?’
‘Get up!’ Tomas shouted in my head.
Can someone go deaf from shouting WITHIN their head? ‘I’m up!’ I shouted back, but the connection was broken.
“Michael, there are no surprises waiting for us are there?” Eliza asked suspiciously.
“I’m up!” I shouted again, this time vocally. “Sorry,” I said to those around me as I sat up.
“Well, that’s an improvement,” BT said, “Can you do any better than that though? Unless of course Durgan wants to thumb wrestle you to death.”
“Don’t you have some nails you can chew or something?” I asked him. “Help me stand.”
“Michael?” Eliza asked again.
“What?” I said testily. “Oh. No, there are no surprises, our original agreement is in effect.”
“You won’t mind then if I send some of my army in to verify that?” she asked.
“You sound awfully frightened for being the Lord of All You Survey,” I rang out.
Mrs. Deneaux got a good chuckle out of that one. She tipped her cigarette to me.
“Go ahead, send in your smelly minions!” Gary yelled.
“You felt the need to invite them, did you?” Tracy asked him.
“No more than a hundred,” I said to Eliza.
‘Why?’ BT mouthed.
“I’m hoping by having to count them it’ll take longer,” I told him.
“Michael, what trick are you trying to play?” Eliza asked, her dark eyes narrowing.
“No trick, I just want the fighting ring to be as big as possible,” I told her.
“It’s so the little faggot can run away like a screaming little bitch!” Durgan yelled.
“Someone got their ‘roid injection today,” BT said.
“Three hundred, Michael,” Eliza said.
“Fine,” I told her. “Even better,” I said to BT. It would take longer.
After a few minutes of zombies filing in like students into an auditorium, Durgan pushed his way through the throng. Two of them fell on their faces, and he smashed his heel down onto one of the fallen zombie’s temple. The sound was much like that of a large beetle being squished, it was not pleasant.
“That’s going to mess up your count,” I said, taunting him.
“Don’t care, there’s more of them, there’s always more of them.”