I tried to put the smell to the back of my mind and set to work opening each cupboard and making a mental note of anything which could be salvaged for my purposes. I was pleasantly surprised by their tinned food collection, although no meat and way more lentils than I deemed to be normal. But who am I to judge. In the pantry they didn’t have as much as we had, but I counted about 8 bottles of sparkling water which I supposed I could just leave to go flat for Rosa’s formula. There was a huge sack of rice alongside a sizeable stash of tuna fish, doing the rationing in my head this could keep us going for at least another couple of weeks if we were careful. On a table in the hallway, I found a key for the front door which might be handy for bringing in Rosa. I would have been able to use it right then if I had thought to bring my keys with me. Each room I passed I entered scanning for things which we could use. In the living room, I had taken the batteries out of every remote control, which would get the radio working again. Methodically I searched until began to make my way back up the stairs to the top of the house. It wasn’t until I had gone through one of the daughters’ bedrooms that I struck gold. A charging brick.
Providing the network was back up and running I could get in touch with my sister. It would be so good to hear her voice. My thoughts drifted to Matt and if he was alive.
“Well all I can do is try.” Maybe they’d been trying to get in touch with me and hadn’t known if we had survived the initial blast.
With the charging brick and batteries stuffed safely in the pockets of my husband’s oversized joggers, I dragged a chair over to give me a boost up to the skylight. It was much harder to get out than it was getting in. After a couple of attempts, I finally managed to haul myself up and tipped my torso forward over the lintel, falling out onto the roof. The smell hit me like a wall as I dropped back into my house through the skylight. Remembering that I still needed to walk past the body on the stairs made my stomach lurch, keeping my eyes ahead I held my breath and raced down into the kitchen.
Shadow was startled as I ran into the kitchen but settled as soon as he realised it was only me. Clutching a charging brick and without so much as a look at Rosa in her cot, I started looking for my phone. Throwing things behind me out of the pantry door until I found it tucked under the side of the mattress. I had left it there so many weeks ago. As I waited for it to power up, I turned my attention to the radio, popping out the dead batteries, discarding them and pushing in the new ones. I thumbed the tuning dial and waited. After a few seconds, the radio hissed and I moved the dial to the frequency which had been broadcasting the Bunker’s recorded message.
“We have begun gathering survivors, our priority is to create safe communities and work together to bring back order. If you are currently south of the Watford Gap and East of Croydon and if you feel it is safe to do so, make your way to the nuclear Bunker in Kelvedon, Essex. There are signposts which will guide you in from the surrounding areas.”
Finally, someone had a plan, we could leave this place and go to relative safety, where like-minded survivors had banded together. But if I left now and Matt was still alive somewhere, how would he find us? I looked down at my phone charging on the kitchen table, the home screen was idle. There were no unread messages and no voicemails waiting for me to listen to. I had to face up to the fact that we couldn’t survive here alone. Waiting for him indefinitely was not an option. This was it. It was time to leave.
12
I STARTED LOADING up the Discovery that evening. I packed the food and water from next-door along with Rosa’s supply of formula, and a few books and toys to keep her entertained. One thing that had been useful about being shut up indoors together for such a long time was that we had started potty training! Nappies had been amazing but trying to make them last longer meant that Rosa was uncomfortable and when they ran out things got pretty disgusting. Without an endless supply available to us I didn’t have much of a choice. But as I knew we would be in the car for some time, I packed the last of the nappies we had managed to get hold of. I folded down her travel cot and wedged it in the footwell of the back seat covering it with two sleeping bags and a couple of pillows.
Thinking about what we might encounter on the journey made me break out in sweat. After what I had seen of the outside world so far, I was petrified. To get to the Bunker, we might have to walk. I would be able to carry Rosa in a sling. It would be sensible to pack one large backpack with any essential items we needed. I could always return to the car for anything I was unable to carry.
Rooting around in a drawer I had managed to find a road atlas of the United Kingdom. Very handy. In Matt’s cupboards in the garage, I also found an old tattered London A-Z map from 1999. I tucked the maps in front of the leather roll of knives in the side compartment of the driver side door. I didn’t want to use them, but it did feel safer having the knives close at hand. The kit had been expensive. They were an anniversary gift for Matt. Leather. He’d been so keen and thrown himself into his hunter-gatherer phase. The set had been kept in pristine condition. They still were if you didn’t count the one I had used to kill someone. I’d left that on the floor upstairs where I’d dropped it. I hadn’t the stomach to retrieve it. I had absolutely no desire to go upstairs again.
There was so much useful stuff in amongst our camping equipment. I loaded them into the back of the car as Shadow sat watching me intently. I could tell he knew something was going on and tried my best to reassure him with lots of fuss, taking time to sit and scratch his ear every now and again.
“Don’t worry we won’t leave you.” He jumped up and sat in the boot of the Land Rover for a while and watched me work. He sat there brooding but had to jump down again as I loaded in the tent. throwing a brew kit in the footwell of the passenger seat and the flare gun which I placed on the dashboard. Sorting through the things which were Matt’s made me feel uneasy. I think it was guilt that we were leaving without him. I had played through every scenario in my head, and there was no logical reason for me to stay here. If he had been able-bodied, there was nothing that would have stopped him coming to find us. Nevertheless with an old tin of blue paint I wrote in bold letters on the kitchen walclass="underline" “GONE TO KELVEDON BUNKER.”
At least this way if he does make it here he’ll know where we’re heading and he can make his own way there to meet us. Even with the odds stacked against him, there was a part of me which couldn’t accept that he was dead. The thought was too much for me to deal with right now. I needed to pack and leave. Putting down the paintbrush I made a promise to myself.
“This is the last night we will spend here, Shadow.” He turned at the sound of my voice and came to sit by Rosa’s cot. As soon as it was light, we would begin our journey to the Bunker and then somehow try to piece together whatever family we had left.
13
WE HAD BEEN on the road for about ten minutes when I saw the first body. It was laid out by the side of the road and covered in a blanket. Why would someone leave the body of someone they cared about on the street like that? I slowed down as we drove past. It felt wrong. To drive by and not acknowledge it. It was only a few miles further until I saw the next one.
This time there wasn’t just one. There could have been a dozen bodies. All different sizes laid side by side in the field by the edge of the road. My eyes stung as I fought to keep them on the road in front of me. There were children laid out in that barren grass field. By the size of them, they could have been no more than 8 years old.