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Criteria. See DSM-IV criteria; Non-DSM-IV criteria Criticism: anxiety over, 200;

constructive, 177; fear of, 7-8,

171; global, 175; helping avoidants overcome fear of, 171-77; inuring yourself to, 209; of patients by therapists, 167; responding to in a healthier way, 173-76; supportive therapy for dealing with, 148-49 Critics: characteristics, 171-72; manipulating, 175-76. See also Criticism

Daughters, sexual avoidance development in, 52 Dedicated therapeutic approach, 111

Defenses, 16-17, 126, 156-57 Delayed ejaculation, 55, 188 Delusional jealousy, 173 Denial, healthy, 156 Depression, 18, 57-58, 71, 73-74 Development, 99-108; avoidant disorder of childhood and adolescence, 99-102; biological factors, 106-7; cognitive errors and, 97; evolutionary factors,

107-8; nonparental relationships, early, 105-6; normal avoidance as part of, 40; parental relationships, early, 102-5; psychological issues, early, 99-105; trauma, early,

102

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition.

See DSM-IV criteria Differential diagnosis, 61-69;

borderline personality disorder,

66-69; panic disorder/specific phobia/social phobia, 61-66 Displacement, 16-17 Dissociation, 212

Dissociative personality disorder, 78-81 Dogs, comparisons to, 107-8 Dreams: analyzing, 79-80, 209; commitment, fear of, 20-21; dissociative avoidants, 79-80; early parental relationships,

105; hypervigilance and selfconsciousness, 10; masochistic avoidants, 86; self-help, 209 DSM-IV criteria: anxiety in new social situations, 9; fear of criticism, humiliation, and rejection, 7-8,

171; feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, 8-9; hypervigilance and self-consciousness, 10; list of, 3-4; shyness, timidity, and withdrawal, 3, 6-7; social awkwardness, 10-11. See also Non-DSM-IV criteria

Eclectic therapeutic approach, 111-13 “Economic Problem in Masochism, The” (Freud), 11-12

Educative dimension of therapy, 112 Ego-ideals, 15-16, 126, 210-12 Ejaculatio tarda, 55, 188 Emotional charging, in sexual avoidance reduction, 188

Emotionalism, parental criticism about, 103

Empathy, 145

Environmental enhancing, in sexual avoidance reduction, 188 Equivalencies, false, 94-95 Erectile dysfunction, 55 Erotophobia, 48, 50, 51, 52. See also Sexual avoidance Essential sexual avoidance, 45-47 Evolutionary factors, 107-8 Existential approach, 117 Exposure: graded, 138-40; interoceptive, 139; joint/group, 142 Exposure anxiety, 199-200

False equivalencies, 94-95 Family, helpful, 207-8 Family therapy, 117-18, 168-69 Fears: of commitment, 20-21; of control, 94; of criticism, humiliation, and rejection, 7-8,

171; erotophobia, 48, 50, 51, 52; of flooding, 11; neophobia, 18-19; of public speaking, 65, 156, 176; sexual avoidance and, 20-21; social phobia, 61-66, 166; specific phobia, 61; of success, 86-88; supportive therapy for, 149 Fidelity, in committed sexual relationships, 153-54, 191 Fixed role therapy, 202 Flooding, fear of, 11 Forgiveness, 208 Francis and Widiger criteria, 4 Freud, Sigmund, 11-12, 48, 173 Friends, helpful, 207-8

Gambling addiction, 88 Garlic disorders, 64 Global criticism, 175 Goals, setting, 199-200 Graded exposure, 138-40

Grief, 39-40, 74 Group therapy, 160 Guilt: about being oneself, 60; about sexuality, 94; depressed avoidants and, 73; as overresponse, 149; psychodynamically oriented psychotherapy and, 114, 125-26; rationalization versus, 60; reducing, 125-26, 181-82, 186; self-esteem and, 181-82; sexual avoidance reduction and, 186; supportive therapy and, 149

Health, 212-13

Healthy avoidance, 37-39, 156, 182, 197-98

Healthy defenses, 126, 156-57, 204 Healthy denial and counterphobia,

156

Healthy identification, 156-57 Healthy projection, 156 Histrionic personality disorder,

77-78, 157

Hobbies, 142, 167-68 Holistic therapeutic approach, 111-13 Hot red pepper disorders, 64 Humiliation, fear of, 7-8, 171 Hypervigilance and self-consciousness, 10

Hysterical (histrionic) personality disorder, 77-78, 157

Identification: with aggressor, 16, 59-60, 174-75; healthy, 156-57; with peers/society, 19-28 Identity maintenance, 145 Impatience. See Patience Impracticality, 168 Improvement, spontaneous, 57 Inadequacy, feelings of, 8-9 Infantilization, 103-4 Innate/essential sexual avoidance,

45- 47

Insight, 123-25, 186-88, 205-6 Intellectualization, 17, 168 Interoceptive exposure, 139 Interpersonal therapy, 112, 116,

143-45, 159-60

Jealousy, 173

Joint/group exposure, 142 Journaling, 141, 202-2

Kantor criteria, 4-6

Learning, observational, 159 “Love phobia,” 48, 50, 51, 52. See also Sexual avoidance

Madonna complex, 53, 185 Manipulation, 140

Marital/couple therapy, 159-60. See also Interpersonal therapy Marriage, open, 190 Masochism, 11-13, 16, 71, 85-88 Media, 106

Medical curing, in sexual avoidance reduction, 189

Men, sexual avoidance in, 51-52, 53, 55 Millon/Benjamin/Horney criteria, 4 “Mingles” avoidants, 31-32, 33 Mixed personality disorder, 89-92 Motivation, enhancing, 141, 198-200

Narcissism, 18, 82 Negative thinking, 95 Negative transference resistances, 120-21, 169-70 Neophilia, 18, 33, 212 Neophobia, 18-19 Niceness, 144

Nonavoidance: advantages of, 199; philosophy, 140, 151; trial forays into, 206

Non-DSM-IV criteria: American Psychological Association Help Center, 6; anger, readiness to, 13-15; associated characterological problems, 17-19; defensiveness, excessiveness, 16-17; flooding, fear of, 11; Francis and Widiger, 4; identification with peers/society, 19-28; Kantor, 4- 6; masochism, 11-13; Millon/Benjamin/Horney, 4; relational idealism, excessive, 15-16. See also DSM-IV criteria Nonparental relationships, early, 105-6

Normal avoidance, 39-41, 198 Normal jealousy, 173

Observational learning, 159 Obsessionalism, 17 Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, 39, 71, 74-77, 156-57 Onion disorders, 64 Open marriage, 190 Overgeneralizing, 96

Panic disorder, 61 Paradoxical therapy, 140-41 Paranoia: as associated characterological problem, 18; comorbidity, 71, 72; reducing, 183; self-esteem and,

183; supportive therapy for, 157; thinking and, 93-94 Paraphilia, 82

Parents: cognitive errors and, 97; counteridentification with,

104-5; early relationship with, 102-5; excessive control by, 103; infantilization by, 103-4; selfesteem in children and, 180; sexual avoidance development in daughters and, 52; sexual avoidance development in sons and, 51-52; sexual avoidance treatment and,

191

Passive-aggression, 83 Passive-dependent personality disorder, 18, 84-85, 156 Patience, 141, 169, 200 Patients: advice to, 150-55; criticism of, 167; liking and respecting, 147. See also Self-help

PDM (Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual), 5, 29-30, 187 Peers, early relationships with, 106 Peers/society, identification with, 19-28 Perfectionism, 74-75, 96, 188 Personality changing, in sexual avoidance reduction, 188 Personality traits, avoidant, 41-42 Pets, 167-68

Pharmacotherapy, 112, 160-61 Phobic passes/talismans, 140

Playing the field, as rationalization, 58-59

Positive transference resistances, 120 Positivity, 144, 151, 189-90 Posttraumatic stress disorder, 81-82 Premature ejaculation, 55 Priorities, setting, 200 Profession, selecting, 196 Prognosis, good, 197 Projected jealousy, 173 Projection, 72, 93-94, 156, 204 Psychodynamically oriented psychotherapy, 123-31; basic technique, 123; defenses, unhealthy, 126; ego-ideals, 126; guilt reduction, 125-26; insight, 123-25; marital/ couple therapy, 160; overview, 113-14; secondary gain, 126-27; supplemental techniques, 127-31; transference resistances, 127; treatment of avoidant personality disorder and social phobia, 65-66 Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual (PDM), 5, 29-30, 187