His tongue bulged in his cheek as he mulled this statement over. Eventually, he said: 'And you are not a fool, Lord Erekose.'
'Thank you. I did not suspect that you judged me that…'
'Hmph.' He removed his helmet and ran his fingers through his thick hair. He was still thinking.
I waited for him to say something further, but then he replaced his helmet firmly on his head, dug his thumb into the side of his mouth and picked at a tooth with the nail. He withdrew the thumb and stared at it intently for a moment. Then he looked at the map and murmured, 'Well, at least we have an understanding. With that, it will be easier to fight this stinking war.'
I nodded. 'Much easier, I think.'
He sniffed.
'How good is our own fleet?' I asked him.
'It's a good fleet still. Not as large as it was, but we are remedying that, too. Our shipyards work night and day to build more and larger men-o'-war. And in our ironworks up and down the land we forge powerful guns with which to arm those ships.'
'And what of men to crew them?'
'We are recruiting all we can. Even women are used in certain tasks-and boys. You were told that, Lord Erekose, and it was true-the whole of humanity fights the Eldren warriors.'
I said nothing, but I have begun to admire the spirit of this people. I was less divided in my mind concerning the rights or wrongs of what I did. The folk of this strange time and place in which I found myself were fighting for nothing more nor less than the survival of their species.
But then another thought came to me. Could not the same be said of the Eldren?
I dismissed the thought.
At least Katorn and I had that in common. We refused to concern ourselves with speculation on moral and sentimental issues. We had a task to perform. We had assumed the responsibility for that task. We should do it to the best of our ability.
CHAPTER SIX
PREPARING FOR WAR
And so I talked with generals and with admirals. We pored over maps and discussed tactics, logistics, available men, animals and ships, while the fleets massed and the Two Continents were scoured for warriors, from boys of ten years old to men of fifty or older, from girls of twelve to women of sixty. All were marshalled beneath the double banner of Humanity which bore the arms of Zavara and Necralala and the standards of their king, Rigenos, and their war champion, Erekose.
As the days passed, we planned the great land-sea invasion of Mernadin's chief harbour, Paphanaal, and the surrounding province which was also called Paphanaal.
When not conferring with the commanders of the armies and navies, I practised weaponry, riding, until I became skilled in those arts.
It was not a question of learning so much as remembering. Just as the feel of my strange sword had been familiar, so was the sensation of a horse between my legs. Just as I had always known my name was Erekose (which, I had been told, meant The One Who Is Always There in some ancient tongue of humanity which was no longer used) so I had always known how to pull an arrow on a bowstring and let fly at a target as I galloped past on horseback.
But lolinda-she was not familiar in this way. Though there was some part of me that seemed able to travel through time and space and assume many incarnations, they were plainly not the same incarnations. I was not living an episode of my life over again, I had merely become the same person again, going through a different series of actions, or so it seemed. I had a sense of free will, within those terms. I did not feel that my fate was pre-ordained. But perhaps it was. Perhaps I am too much of an optimist. Perhaps I am, after all, a fool and Katorn was wrong in his assessment of me. The Eternal Fool…
Certainly I was willing to make a fool of myself where lolinda was concerned. Her beauty was almost unbearable. But with her I could not be a fool. She wanted a hero-an Immortal-and nothing less. So I must play the hero for her, to comfort her, though it went ill with my preferred manner, which has always been pretty casual. Sometimes, in fact, I felt more like her father than her would-be lover, and with my pat twentieth-century notions of human motivation, wondered if I were really nothing more than a substitute for the strong father she expected in Rigenos.
I think that she secretly despised Rigenos for not being more heroic, but I sympathised with the older man (older? I think- it is I who am older-infinitely older-but enough of that…) for Rigenos bore a great responsibility and bore it pretty well as far as I could make out. After all, he was a man who would rather plan pleasant gardens than plan battles. It was not his fault that he had been born a king without a close male successor to whom he could have, if he had been luckier, transferred responsibility. And I had heard that he bore himself well in battle and never backed away from any responsibility. King Rigenos was meant for a gentler life, maybe-though he could be fierce enough when it came to hating the Eldren. I was to be the hero that he felt incapable of being. I accepted that. But I was much more reluctant to be the father than he could not be. I wanted a much healthier relationship with lolinda or, so I told myself, I did not want one at all!
I am not sure I had a choice. I was mesmerised by her. I would probably have accepted her on any terms.
We spent whatever time we could together, whenever I could get away from the military men and my own martial training. We would wander arm in arm along the closed balconies that covered the Palace of Ten Thousand Windows like a creeping plant, winding from top to bottom of the great palace and containing a great variety of flowers, shrubs and caged and uncaged birds that fluttered through the foliage of these spiralling passages and perched among the branches of the vines and the small trees and sang to us as we wandered. I learned that this, too, had been King Rigenos's idea, to make the balconies more pleasant. But that had been before the coming of the Eldren.
Slowly the day approached when the fleet would gather together and sail for the distant continent where the Eldren ruled. I had begun by being impatient to get to grips with the Eldren, but now I was becoming more and more reluctant to leave-for it would mean leaving lolinda and my lust for her was growing quite as strongly as my love.
Although I gathered that day by day the society of humankind was becoming less and less open, more and more bound by unpleasant and unnecessary restrictions, it was still not considered wrong for unwed lovers to sleep together, so long as they were of an equal social standing. I was much relieved when I discovered this. It seemed to me that an Immortal-as I was assumed to be-and a princess were quite decently matched. But it was not the social conventions that hampered my ambition-it was lolinda herself. And that is one thing that no amount of freedom or 'license' or 'permissiveness' or whatever the old fogies call it can cope with. That is the odd assumption the twentieth century (I wonder if you who read this will know what those two stupid words mean?) makes-that if the laws that man makes concerning 'morality'-particularly sexual morality-are done away with, then one huge orgy will begin. It forgets that people are, generally speaking, only attracted to a few other people and only fall in love with one or two in their whole lives. And there may be many other reasons why they may not be able to make love, even if their love is confirmed.
'Where lolinda was concerned, I hesitated because, as I have said, I did not wish to be merely a substitute for her father-and she hesitated because she needed to be absolutely sure she could 'trust' me. John Daker would have called this a neurotic attitude. Perhaps it was, but on the other hand was it neurotic for a relatively normal girl to feel a bit peculiar about someone she had only lately seen materialise from thin air?