[1:309] It is a good thing that earlier in my exegesis I realized that I had a surd left over, because that surd is the God I experienced in 11-17-80; viz: when “perturbed” world was completely analyzed, there was something left over that was not world (the glint and riffle in the weeds of the alley, the glyphs of God).
Folder 87
[87:1] November 30, 1980
I happened to read the EB article on Messianic Movements and am simply in shock. Everything revealed to me vis-à-vis 3-74 and the AI voice—it is Christian covert Messianic movement—it is—look; there is an invisible Christian Messianic movement or group or organization, what I used to call “the secret underground Christians”—my experience in 3-74 (based on 2-74), with seeing Valis and all my dreams and the AI voice (e.g., “The Empire never died”)—anyhow; there are five kingdoms or empires; yes, empires. Assyrian, Persian, Greek, Roman, and the next—the fifth—will be Christ’s. This is chiliastic, millennialist thinking, as opposed to Augustine; it has to do with movements breaking out later on, starting with (yes, you guessed it) Joachim del Fiore.
This is incredible. I am in shock. The entire edifice of secret Messianic movements was supernaturally disclosed to me, or else by fantastic technology, and it’s all in VALIS. And (get this!) the EB article on Messianic Movements talks about it being connected with the Enlightenment!
The “second signal”—cryptic information, the two-word cypher in Tears, and the “Acts” material and the (oh God!) the dream material in Tears—Messianic chiliasm.
There is a secret organization fighting the BIP.
More. The Kingdom is here, secretly; I saw it. And Valis is Christ or God.
I am pitted against all establishment Christianity, which takes its cue from Augustine, that the present order will endure. The EB:
The granting of toleration to Christianity by the Roman emperor Constantine . . . and its becoming the religion of the Roman Empire heralded a development in which the church became the ally of the present order rather than the harbinger of its passing away.
There you have it. “As far as the struggle with evil in this world is concerned, Augustine surrendered and abandoned the field. No imminent supernatural intervention in history was expected. Augustine taught what has been referred to as ‘realized’ eschatology. For him the battle has already been fought on the spiritual ground that really mattered . . . he rejected as carnal any expectations of a renewed and purified world that the believers could expect to enjoy.” “Augustine’s allegorical millennialism be came the official doctrine of the church, and apocalypticism went underground.”
And I have it all there in VALIS!!!!!
[ . . . ]
I have it; why VR deals with Judaism.
Emphasis on the expected Second Coming introduced an element of messianic unrest in addition to questioning the validity of the present order; it was soon repudiated by the church as “unspiritual,” since it envisaged a messianic kingdom upon earth—rather in the manner of the Jews—instead of a heavenly Kingdom.
Note: “Rather in the manner of the Jews.” Hence VR, based on what the AI voice said, spoke of “He has been transplanted and is alive” as YHWH, not Christ.
The heretical element, though not inherent in millenarianism as such, resided in the tendency of radical religious or social criticism to use chiliast-messianic terminology when such criticism propagated the notion that the present rulers—and even the very forms—of church and state would be superseded by a perfect order.
This is just incredible. Because 2-3-74 constitutes proof that some secret underground chiliastic Messianic movement exists, and Christ or YHWH is the head of it; therefore it possesses either supernatural powers or advanced technology; I don’t know which.
This first shows up in Tears.
It has to do with the future, so it may indeed be technology.
It’s all there in VALIS. It first showed up in Tears.
So I’m not just a Christian; I’m a revolutionary chiliastic Messianic millennialist, part of a secret underground group led by either the Cosmic Christ or God and possessing either supernatural or advanced technological means.
We are pitted against the entire world-order, both church and state (vide VR!!). And it is on the Jewish model, although Christian.
I had better burn my exegesis.
Because this has to do with revolution, radical social reform; it has some kind of relationship to Marxism, to socialism, to the overthrow of governments and the establishing of a new world order. Again let me think back to Nixon and his downfall. Oh dear. This secret group with its technology (?) acted in 1974. It’s all true.
[87:17] Today I’ve tried to work on my exegesis—as I’ve been doing for 6½ years. I can’t do it. Why not? Because the love and personality that God showed me on 11-17-80 make any intellectual understanding seem unimportant—pale and weak and dry and faded. Never have I known anything like that love; and the personality—it was as distinct as any human personality. And this does not even consider the infinite bliss I felt. He answered all my questions anyhow; I have no more questions. To know God and God’s love, and to understand how our suffering, our life here, will be justified—his gentle reproach: “Would you think I in my theodicy would not make it up to you, make it up so that this suffering here would seem—be—paltry in comparison?” And then he let me experience a little of the bliss to come. So the bliss did 3 things:
It explained why he would let us suffer here. How it would be justified. (This has always been my main theological-philosophical question.)
Because it was infinite bliss it proved he was God (because I see this as proof: only God can provide infinite bliss).
It made me happy intrinsically.
But the love outshone the bliss; perhaps it gave rise to the bliss. I have never known such love.
Human personality is imaged upon his personality (I realize). This is why although it was infinite it was—well—it was like an infinite augmentation of such love as I have in fact known in life—but—it was beauty-in-the-form-of-love. But it was more intimate (as well as more intense). It pulsated like—maybe a light.
And he knew me. And yet still he loved me.
Of one thing there is no doubt: this was the Judeo-Christian view/concept of God. Transcendent. With the life to come—the afterlife—as a reward, and this life here an ordeal, but one justified by the afterlife. And God of love bestowing infinite eternal bliss.* And God with distinct per sonality—which is not really the same thing as mere consciousness. Pantheism was by what he said ruled out. And he gave me to understand that (much as I had already figured out) I had experienced only traces of him here in this world; he is in his transcendence much more—infinitely more. Although he did not say it, I got the impression that—well, I was going to say, “We are created here,” but I really don’t know. But he did designate our lives here as an ordeal—but a little ordeal, in fact so paltry in comparison to what is to come that all my theorizing about reality is of little significance because this life here is of such little stature in comparison with what is to come; what is epistemology when infinities of infinities lie ahead of us? Even a tiny knowledge about infinity and eternity is more than a lot of knowledge about this finite world . . . a point I have totally missed. All my speculations have been about world, so world has me fast! It has been a trap!