For the entire trip back, Kevin had been all smiles. He had seen the top of the Watch, survived the climb, and acquired a souvenir to boot—and Bertram, who was too tired to beat him up at this point, would not get his hands on these glasses.
There was an uncanny, unpleasant sense that their experience on the mountain had somehow linked the four of them together like prisoners in a chain gang, but no one talked about it. No one talked much at all on the way back.
The boys marched into camp, looking like the sole survivors of a major plane crash, and they made their way to their tents. No one had noticed their disappearance, and no one noticed their return—what with so many kids running this way and that, throwing up Kirkpatrick's Chili-Eggs Scrambled with Garlic Over an Open Fire.
They wearily went to their tents to get a few minutes of sleep before they were dragged out for the day's festivities.
4
KEVIN FINDS ROCKS IN HIS HEAD
Rumors spread, as rumors do, at the speed of light squared, and the buzz around the campsite focused on a single question:
Could it possibly be true?
Could they have climbed the Divine Watch, and could Kevin Midas actually have gotten there first?
Bertram denied that it ever happened. He would rather lie than allow Kevin the smallest glimpse of glory.
"But what about Josh's cut and Hal's bruises? What about my glasses?" Kevin tried to reason with the doubters.
"I can explain all that," said Nicole Patterson, who could always be counted on to explain all things. "Hal's a clumsy ox," she said. "If he wasn't bruised all the time I'd be surprised. Josh has a cut because Bertram must have slammed his face into a tree or something—and you must have found those glasses under a bush."
Kevin knew he'd never change her mind, so instead he just pushed his glasses farther up on his nose and asked proudly, "Do you like them?"
Nicole pondered them and shrugged. "They'd look a lot better on a larger head," she said.
And so until about three o'clock that afternoon, Kevin's life was pretty much unchanged.
At three, Bertram did some diving.
The assignment that afternoon was to do something that Native Americans might have done a thousand years ago. Most kids were spread out around a large, ice-cold pond near the campsite. Some hunted fish unsuccessfully with sharp sticks. Some ground berries into war paint, others were doing a sad-looking rain dance, and the rest watched with deep dread as Kirkpatrick cooked a snack of stir-fried forest-findings.
Kevin and Josh were lying on a boulder overlooking the pond.
"We're studying the clouds for a message from the sun-god," they told Kirkpatrick, "like Native Americans might have done." Kirkpatrick bought it and let them spend the afternoon basking in the sun, resting their aching feet.
Kevin basked with his glasses on. Through the dark lenses, he could see Josh staring at him. Josh was examining the glasses the way he would stare at a brand-new sports car, letting his eyes move across the perfect surface.
"You know," said Josh, "they could have been mine if I got there first."
Kevin shrugged. "That's the breaks."
"Your parents'll probably hate them," said Josh.
Kevin wondered if they'd even notice them. His mother rarely seemed to notice anything Kevin did, and his father was still trying to figure Kevin out.
"They won't care," said Kevin.
"You think Nicole likes your glasses?" he asked with a grin.
Kevin frowned. "She thinks I have a pinhead."
"You do," said Josh. "But that's okay, because you've also got a pin body."
Kevin was searching for a comeback line when Bertram called to them from across the pond.
"Hey," bellowed Bertram. "Hey, Midas, I hope you know I'm not talking to you because of what you did!"
Kevin, with the safety of a small lake between them, bellowed back, "Are you saying that you admit we climbed the mountain, and I got there first?"
"We admit nothing!" bellowed Hal, who stood firmly and strongly in Bertram's shadow.
"All's we admit," said Bertram, "is that you and Wilson are gonna have a short life expectancy unless you stay out of my way."
"Ah, go jump in a lake," said Kevin.
And sure enough, Bertram flung out his arms and did a commanding belly flop into the frigid water.
When he surfaced and scrambled for shore, both Kevin and Josh broke out in raucous laughter. It was echoed by everyone else in attendance.
Bertram climbed out of the water and onto the boulder he had been standing on, trying to figure out what had happened.
"Hey, Bertram," yelled Kevin, pushing the glasses farther up on his face, "that was pretty good—but can you do it again?"
Bertram slipped, spun his arms a few times, and flew into the lake once more. Splash! Everyone watching collapsed into convulsions.
Bertram blubbered his way to shore, only to find Hal laughing too.
"Hey, Bertram," said Hal, "don't look now, but I think there's a fish in your pants."
Bertram then screamed his guts out, because, as everyone knew, Bertram was deathly afraid of live fish, due to some early-childhood trauma. He leapt around like a madman, until finally a small bull-head trout came flopping out the leg of his jeans.
Kevin and Josh were in stitches, but when they finally recovered enough to look at Bertram's face, they realized he had quickly overcome his terror. His fists were clenched, his jaw was clenched, and there was an evil look in his eyes—"the chain-saw look," as people called it. Bertram left his rock and began to run around the lake toward them, picking up speed like a locomotive. Hal ran around the lake the other way.
The sight of the rapidly approaching chain saw quickly sobered Kevin and Josh. They turned and raced barefoot into the woods.
"Nice going, Kevin," Josh hissed.
Kevin made it to safety, but Josh, whose feet were more swollen than Kevin's, was snatched by Hal and put into an Extremely Full Nelson.
Kevin hid behind an outcropping of boulders, waiting for an opportunity to spring Josh, and watched as a soaking-wet Bertram came into the clearing.
"You laughed at me?" Bertram screeched into Josh's face like a psychotic drill sergeant.
"No," said Josh, "we were laughing with you."
"You thought that was funny? The thing with the f-f-fish?"
Try as he might, Josh couldn't hold back his smile.
Bertram took Josh's arm and tugged it hard enough to send him sprawling in the dust.
"But what about Midas?" asked Hal.
"One at a time," said Bertram, flashing his teeth in a wide, crooked smile. "And I don't care what the teachers do to me, I don't care what my father does to me, and I don't even care if Midas calls out his big sister on me." Bertram pulled Josh to his feet and began to swing a heavy fist at Josh's nose.
Kevin had to think fast. There had to be a way to get out of this mess. Josh ducked, missing the first punch, but Bertram swung again.
Kevin didn't have time for a brainstorm, so a moderate brain drizzle would have to do. With all of his might he leaned against one of the boulders in front of him, until it crashed to the ground with a thud.
"Avalanche!" said Kevin.
"Huh?"
Bertram and Hal were distracted for only an instant, but that's all it took for Josh to slip away.
Kevin and Josh ran off together, thinking they had made an easy escape.
Then they saw a storm of boulders smashing down the slope toward them.
Suddenly Bertram didn't care about who had been laughing at him. He and Hal took off as the rumble around them grew louder and the boulders pounded closer.