The Fade

Give it up. Leave it alone. Let things fall as they may.

It makes sense. To stop interfering where I'm not wanted. I'll only make things worse. For both of us. And maybe he's already dead. Maybe this was all finished before it began.

Let it go.

Can I? Can I really let it go? Can I accept that everything was for nothing?

No. Never. I can't just stand by and let this all happen. I have to find Jai. Even if only to warn him. Even if only because I can't go on not knowing if he's dead or alive. Because I can't bear the thought that he might have heard of his parents' deaths by now, and that he doesn't know I'm alive and searching for him. Even if only to tell him about the letter from the Dean of Engineers, because the Abyss knows Ledo might not be Magnate for ever, and Casta would be more sympathetic to my pleas.

All I want is to see my son. Even if I can't save him… just to see him…

I think of Ledo. My master. The head of Clan Caracassa, the man who owns my life and loyalty, the man I gave my only son to. Is he the one undermining the war effort? Is he the one who sold us out at Korok? Is he the one I owe for my husband's death? Did he really send me to kill Gorak Jespyn to preserve his secret, or was the story about the merchant only rumour and hearsay?

To try and escape the obligations of Bondsmanship is an almost inconceivable act. To turn on your master is even worse. It might be justifiable if Ledo's actions were putting Clan Caracassa in danger, but they're doing just the opposite. Sabotaging Operation Deadfall would be extremely profitable for the Clan. They don't want the war to end; Casta has already told me as much.

Could I go to the twins with my suspicions? No. That would be too much, even for the friendship that exists between us. I am a slave, as my master reminded me last turn. A slave's place is not to question the actions of her master.

Funny. I never thought of myself as a slave before last turn. It never seemed to really click. I saw Bondsmanship as a willing expression of loyalty, a matter of devotion. But in the end, I was rescued from forced slavery only to immediately volunteer for it again. I was ten years old, a stupid little girl, frightened of the world. I shouldn't have done it. They shouldn't have let me.

I catch myself, and take an extra large swig of my cocktail. The sour taste makes me wince, brings me back from maudlin reverie. Regrets are pointless. I was ten years old with no family and no relatives. If I hadn't sworn into Bond I would have starved or died in some forsaken orphanage. Caracassa not only saved my life, they gave me a life.

But how much more could I pay for it? How much more will they take?

I shake my head to clear it. I tell myself that there's nothing approaching proof here. Just a convenient theory that fits the facts. That makes me feel a little better.

Voids, there are dozens of Plutarchs who stand to benefit from the continuation of the war. Maybe they are dealing with the Gurta on matters I know nothing about. Stringing together a few unproven theories about a traitor is no reason to start suspecting your master of treason. I'm just angry at him because of Jai.

But then there's the matter of Gorak Jespyn. And there were the Magister's questions, back in Farakza. Why was he asking whether Ledo had ever spoken about a Gurta Minister?

Easy. He was asking me about Ledo because I'm affiliated with Clan Caracassa. If I had been skinmarked with the sigil of Clan Jerima, he would have asked me about Vem. Maybe they just suspect Belek Aspa of consorting with the enemy. Maybe they're just fishing.

The more I think about it, the more it comes apart. Ledo? Involved in treason? There are many more likely candidates than him.

But what about the look on his face? I can't ignore that. The look on his face when I asked him if he knew Belek Aspa. Surprise. Hatred. The threat that he would have my tongue ripped out.

He knows something.

And that's when I realise what I'm considering. What I've been trying not to admit to myself ever since that meeting with Ledo. I want him to be the traitor. Because if he is, then I'll kill him, Bond or no Bond. And then Casta will be Magnate, and she'll let me go to Jai. She'll let me tell him about the letter from the Dean, and about his father, and maybe then he'll come home and be an inventor like he always wanted. He can be with Reitha. And he'll be safe from the slaughter to come.

This is dangerous ground. I'm afraid to believe I'm even capable of this. But the only thing that's important now is Jai.

I'll find out. I make that promise to myself, as I see my friend approaching. I'll find out if Ledo's the traitor.

Keren saunters up casually, smoking. He sits down without a word of greeting, orders a drink from a passing handmaiden and gets one for me too. He looks as grizzled and dishevelled as ever, as if he's hauled himself out of bed to get here and is ready to go back there.

'Welcome back,' he says. 'Missed you.'

'Got a cigarillo for me?'

'You don't smoke,' he observes, drawing one from a carven scratchwood case and handing it across the table.

'Been feeling self-destructive lately.'

'Ah. There's a story.' He lights me up. I draw the hot, aromatic smoke deep down into my lungs.

'You want to hear?'

He settles back in his chair. 'Course I do. We thought you bit it at Korok, Orna. We thought you died.'

'I did.' Shadow Death, I add silently.

'Then I'm talking to a ghost? Huh. I guess those Banchu corpse-worshippers were right after all.'

I tell him everything, from the assault on Korok until now. Usually I'm a little more cautious with Keren. I know he trades information with others. But I need him to understand. I need to tell someone. And if a few anonymous rumours are spread about my master, well, fuck him. The bastard should have let me go get my son.

When I'm done Keren is on his third drink and I'm on my fifth, and the inlaid silver ash-pan has been replaced and is refilling with butts. He's got a lot to chew over.

'You're in a situation,' he says.

'Right.'

'And I just bet you need something from me,' he grins.

'Little help, that's all. Nothing big. Nothing dangerous.'

'I wish I could get my hands on the classified records you need,' he says, spreading his hands, 'but my connections don't go that high.'

'I just need you to help me find someone. I'll owe you.'

'You're good for it. Who's the lucky target?'

'Josta Kayd Reitha. Jai's lover. She works for the University of Bry Athka. She's a naturalist, gets posted around a lot. Might even be up on the surface.'

'Not a problem. Mind if I ask why?' He scratches behind his ear.

'He might have sent her letters.'

'They censor those things.'

'There might be a clue. Anyway, I need to see her. To tell her some things, so she can tell Jai later, if something should happen to me.'

'What's going to happen to you?'

'I don't know, Keren. There might be some… It might get dangerous for me.' I look away, blow a jet of smoke, tap the ash. 'It's just in case.'

He stares at me hard. 'You're going after him, aren't you? Even though Ledo's forbidden it.'

'I've not decided that yet. I just want to know where he is.'

'Right,' he says, oozing scepticism. 'So how are you going to find out? No, wait, don't tell me. You can't ask the twins to help; they're too close to Ledo. So you're going to Silverfish, right?'

I look around the bar, wary of being overheard. We're the only ones here. 'Let's just say the proper channels aren't really working for me right now. And I don't have time to wait and see if Reitha can be found, and if she knows anything. That's an outside shot at best. So I need to investigate other options.'