And I didn’t know who I wanted to believe. Part of me hoped that Cami told me Beck was a liar. I wanted her to say that Lucas hadn’t done what he had claimed. I wanted her to tell me that I wasn’t living with a monster in the bedroom next to mine, but a bigger part of me hoped that Beck was telling the truth.
And that was so fucked up and selfish.
But I would never forgive Beck if he had lied about this. I didn’t know that I would ever forgive him anyway, but I knew that this lie would be the nail in his coffin. Somehow understanding his need for revenge after what Lucas had done made what Beck did to me more bearable.
I didn’t forgive him for it, but some small part of me could understand it.
But if he did what he did without reason, I didn’t know what to think.
I would never be able to forgive him even though I knew that I wanted to.
I hated Beck. I absolutely hated him for what he had done to me, but I wanted something to happen that would erase what he had done. I was clinging to that hope like it was a lifeline.
Because as badly as he hurt me, I didn’t want to hate him.
I wanted to go back to that moment just before I saw the video on his phone.
I was blissfully unaware at that moment. A complete and total fool, but I was happy.
He had made me happy. Right before he ripped it all away.
"Beck was already so pissed off at him, but it wasn’t until the next morning that we knew the true extent of what Lucas had done." She took a deep breath and I followed her with a steadying one of my own. "A video was sent out to the baseball team, and it was so bad. Frankie was wasted."
She looked up at me, and I couldn’t decipher the look on her face.
"She could barely keep her eyes open, let alone make a decision for herself. You could clearly see it was her in the video, but it was hard to tell who the guy was at first. He was touching her. He was up her shirt when the video started, but it got worse. He went down her shorts, and she didn’t stop him. She couldn’t if she had wanted to. She was so out of her mind."
I closed my eyes and tried to block out the vision in my mind.
"The video never showed Lucas’s face, but it was him. He had on his letterman jacket and you could hear his voice. The guy who recorded it kept saying all these derogatory things to her. They kept talking about how badly she wanted it. How she had been after his dick for so long, and Lucas kept
answering. He was touching her and talking about how badly she wanted it even though she was barely awake."
I felt like I was going to be sick.
"Beck was so damn furious. No one could calm him down. The moment he saw the video, he went straight to your house. He wasn’t thinking. If he had just taken a moment to think about the repercussions of his actions, he might of—" She looked truly upset now. "I don’t know. I like to think that maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did."
"What did Beck do?"
"Lucas hasn’t told you any of this? Your father?" The way she said it made me feel like an idiot. I lived in the same home as them, but I knew far less than the people on the outside.
The people I should have been able to trust the most were complete strangers to me, and I hated that she knew it.
"No." I wouldn’t lie and pretend like I knew what had happened. I didn’t want to leave out one single detail because she thought I might know the truth.
"Beck beat the shit out of Lucas." She scanned my face as if she was searching for a reaction, as if she was searching to find out what I truly knew.
"When Lucas opened the door, Beck didn’t give him a chance to explain. He took every bit of his fury and pounded it into Lucas’s face. They barely managed to pull Beck off of him. When the police arrived and took one look at what Beck had done, they arrested him on the spot."
I shook my head because nothing she said made any sense. "If Lucas did what you say and Beck retaliated, how are the two of them just walking around school like nothing ever happened? How do they not have consequences for what they did?"
"Boys like Beck and Lucas don’t get in trouble, Josie." She looked back out to the field, and I had no idea what she was thinking or how she felt.
Cami was almost as good as Beck when it came to hiding her emotions.
"So what? Nobody cared. They just let Lucas be a fucking monster and not have to own up to it?"
"Oh, they cared." She looked back at me. "Mr. Clermont was even angrier than Beck, but he’s a businessman. He knew that he needed to protect Frankie, but he also had to protect Beck from what he did. Beck was being charged with aggravated assault, Josie."
My gaze snapped up to hers.
"Joseph… your dad, was furious. He was so sure that Lucas wasn’t in that video. He was adamant, but he was also determined that Beck would pay for what he had done to him."
"So, what happened?"
"Mr. Clermont was pressing charges against Lucas. Both of them were completely ready to destroy each other’s sons, and it wasn’t until Mr.
Clermont’s lawyer stepped in and told him that he should make a deal that things changed. Unless you knew Lucas, it wasn’t clear that it was him in that video, and he was worried that he wouldn’t be charged."
"How do you know all of this?"
"Who do you think was there for Beck after everything happened? I was there for him, and I was there for Frankie. Frankie was so fucked up. She was miserable and confused, and she didn’t want to be around anyone. Frankie was the one who convinced her dad to make a deal with yours. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t think he ever would have."
All I could think about was Frankie, and her gentle smile and kind eyes. I couldn’t imagine anyone hurting her. Let alone someone who was meant to be my family.
The thought of Lucas hurting her, of him doing what she said, made my stomach roll, and the contents of my lunch threatened to spill over. When Beck had said it, I tried to block it out. He was angry, and I tried to chop up his words as simply that. Pure anger and revenge.
I hadn’t truly allowed myself to believe them to be true.
But here was the truth staring me in the face once again.
Lucas had done what he said, and Beck had tried to retaliate against him by becoming the same kind of monster. He was so lost in his own anger that he couldn’t see how fucked up that was.
But I could.
Cami had no reason to lie to me. She had nothing to gain from me finally knowing the truth.
"Beck and I have always been close, but after everything that happened, the two of us grew in a way that was different. Frankie wouldn’t talk to anyone besides me, and Beck relied on me to help bring her back to who she was before your brother."
Her words made the hair on my arms stand and my back straighten.
While she was telling me the truth, she was also throwing that truth straight in my face. She wanted me to know exactly what role she had played in
Beck’s life and the role that me and my family had played.
I shook my hand and lifted my backpack onto my back. I needed to leave.
I needed to get away from her before I said something I knew I would regret.
The things she had told me made me feel so angry and confused and hurt, and I didn’t need to add any of the feelings I did or didn’t have about Beck to the mix.
I couldn’t handle it all.
"I need to get to class." I stood, but Cami wasn’t finished.
"You should know that I didn’t think he would go this far." She looked away from me, and it looked like she actually had enough decency to be ashamed of herself.