There wasn’t another word from her either.
Not a peep.
But that didn’t stop the snickers and whispers that continued around me.
Every time I would look to the side, their gazes would jump away from mine.
It was irritating, and I was so thankful when the bell rang at the end of the first period. I pushed out of the classroom, and I avoided looking at anyone as
I went into the bathroom.
I had only been here for one period so far, and I already felt overwhelmed. I was going to have to face Beck in my next class. He was going to be there with his perfect face and his perfect body and his cruel fucking heart.
I could face girls like Cami all day, but I didn’t know if I could face him.
As brave as I wanted to act, he broke me. He broke me, and I was going to have to sit there and pretend like I wasn’t affected.
It hadn’t mattered that he had called and text me after what happened.
The first one was begging me to listen to him, to let him explain. The second had been a simple ‘I’m sorry’.
His sorry was full of shit, and both he and I knew it.
And I wouldn’t give him the opportunity to explain. As much as I hated him, I knew that he affected me.
I stared into the mirror and ran my fingers under the cold water. I could face him. I knew that I could.
I could slip on a mask just like he had and hide everything I was feeling. I just had to get through today, then tomorrow would be easier. If I could face him once, then I knew I could face him again.
I took a deep breath and turned off the water.
You can do this, Josie.
I wouldn’t fear him. If that was what he wanted, he was mistaken in his plan. I didn’t fear him. I hated him.
I hated him with every part of me.
Quickly drying my hands, I pushed through the door so I wouldn’t be late for class and almost ran into someone coming into the bathroom. I froze when my gaze hit Frankie’s.
She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something then quickly closed it again. I had no idea what she could possibly say to me.
Even if what Beck had said about her was true. She had to know that what Beck did wasn’t right.
If he thought Lucas was evil, then so was he.
But part of me knew that it wasn’t the same. If what he said about Lucas was true, if he had assaulted her, then what Beck did didn’t even compare.
It didn’t matter if I was hurt or that I wanted to pay Beck back for every ounce of pain he had caused me. The only thing I could think of when I looked at Frankie was sadness, and it was staring straight back at me.
Whatever Frankie had been through had damaged her.
You only had to look at her eyes to see. She was good at wearing a mask too, but she wasn’t nearly as good as her brother.
"Excuse me." I pushed past her, and she smiled again.
I knew she wanted to say something, and I wanted to say something to her as well. I wanted to ask her if what Beck had said about her was true, but I wouldn’t dare.
Even though the lack of the truth felt like it was eating me alive inside, I wouldn’t put her through that to make myself feel better.
I tightened my hands against the straps of my backpack and held my head high as I walked into second period. I knew he was in there before I ever laid eyes on him. I could feel him there.
I looked to where he normally sat, and there he was. He was staring at me like I might disappear in front of him. He looked angry and irritated, and that just pissed me off more. He had no right to feel angry about anything.
He had no right to feel anything when it came to me.
Everyone else was watching us too. They were all fucking silent bystanders as I walked toward my desk. I wondered if this was how it was going to be for the rest of the day. Would everyone be watching every single move I made?
Clermont Bay Prep was toxic, but I knew that it would be the same if I had transferred to Clermont Bay High. Allie had told me that everyone there was talking about it too. I knew she hated saying it, but she was honest with me.
Most of them had seen the video too, including her, and when I had gotten home to find my phone, I had at least fifty different messages from her.
They were all checking on me and how I was doing. The first ones were making sure that I had seen. They were warning me of what was posted and that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was.
That was her way of being nice.
It was absolutely as bad as I thought it was.
The proof was right in front of me.
I pulled my gaze away from him and took the seat behind him.
He looked shocked as I dropped my bag and climbed into my desk, but I wouldn’t hide from him. Not after what he did.
If he wanted to be proud of ruining a girl’s life, he would have to be
proud while he faced her every day. I wouldn’t give him the easy way out.
My heart raced as I pulled my books out of my bag and faced forward. He was turned in his chair to face me, but I didn’t look at him. I was here for class and nothing else.
"Josie." His voice was quiet, and I knew that he was as insanely aware of everyone listening to us as I was.
I let my eyes roam over his face before my eyes met his. He looked as handsome as he always did. It was like nothing had happened to him, and I guess it hadn’t.
These people didn’t care that he was in that video. It did nothing but make him a god. I was just the slut that he had conquered. Those facts were black and white for them. There was no in-between.
But he would fall, and they would realize that he had never been untouchable. He was just like the rest of them.
I met his gaze, and I didn’t say a word. If he wanted to talk, he would have to be the one to do it. I had nothing to say to him.
"Can we talk?"
"We are talking."
He bit down on his bottom lip, and I knew he wanted to say more. But he wouldn’t do it in front of these people. They worshipped him, and he wouldn’t dare disrupt that.
"Josie, I…" He looked so sincere, and I hated that my heart felt like it was in a vise. After everything he had done, those golden fucking eyes looking like they were somehow hurt was almost enough to undo me.
"Don’t be shy, Josie. We’ve already seen." I had no idea who had said it, but it quickly brought me back to reality as the laughs rang out around us.
Beck turned his sharp eyes in the direction of whoever spoke, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t calm my racing heart or control the burning at the back of my eyes. I refused to cry in front of these people. I refused to let them see how much they got to me.
I flipped open my notebook and my pen shook in my hand.
"Josie," Beck said my name again, and this time he laid his hand over mine as if he cared that it shook.
As if he cared about me at all.
I jerked away from him and let every bit of the anger flow through me.
"What the fuck do you want, Clermont?"
His eyes hardened, and I knew he was getting angry. Good. I could deal
with his anger. I could handle it far better than anything else he was going to throw my way.
"I want to talk about what happened." He was no longer whispering for either of our sakes.
"All right, everyone, settle down." I barely heard my teacher’s words and neither did Beck. He was still facing me, and he was waiting for me to say something. But he wouldn’t like what I had to say.
"I don’t have shit to say to you." There were a few snickers before I saw the teacher headed our way.
"Ms. Vos, I said settle down." Her voice was firm, but I didn’t care what she was saying. Not when Beck was still looking at me like that.