He was watching me, analyzing my every move, and I could feel his gaze with a burn of familiarity.
An intimacy that I never should have allowed him.
He took another step closer, so small it was barely noticeable, but I noticed. "I think we should talk."
"I think you’re out of your mind." I turned away from him before I did something stupid and listened to what he had to say. I moved through the stacks of books, racing toward the library entrance, and I could feel him following my every step.
"So that’s your plan? You’re just going to ignore me and pretend like you know what happened?" His voice was filled when venom, and I spun around so quickly that I smacked straight into his chest.
"How would you like me to act?" My chest heaved against his, but I refused to put any space between us. If he wanted to do this, then we would do it, and he would have to see every damn emotion right in front of him.
He would have to face it head-on.
"I saw the video, Beck. I think it was pretty fucking clear what happened."
Anger flashed in his eyes that were more green today than they were
brown. "I didn’t post that video."
He was so full of shit. I didn’t understand his cruelty. This was his plan all along. He got exactly what he wanted, and now he was going to try to get out of it.
He was going to stand here and lie to my face.
Like he hadn’t lied enough already.
"Who did then?" I held my arms out wide. "Did big bad Lucas follow us to the country club and hide to get that video? Is that what you expect me to believe?"
"No." He shook his head. "The video is from me."
I narrowed my eyes as the sound of my heart echoed in my ears.
"I pulled it from the club’s security cameras. That part was all me."
"But I’m supposed to believe that you're innocent?" I took a small step back, and he caught my hand in his to keep me from leaving. His touch was rough and warm, and I knew I was a fool, but his skin against mine felt shocking.
It felt like something I would come to miss when I had no right.
I shouldn’t miss anything about him.
Not his touch, not his smile, and definitely not the way his warm, smoky scent always seemed to surround every part of me when he was near.
"I’m not fucking innocent." His hand held mine even tighter. "I’m not the guy you want me to be."
I jerked my hand away from his, but he refused to let go. "I don’t want anything from you."
"Yes. You do." He was so sure of himself. His words firm and unquestionable. "And I want you too."
Every part of me froze. How dare he speak to me like that? "This." I motioned my free hand between the two of us. "Will never happen again.
You’ve lost your damn mind."
"I didn’t post the video." He ran his hand through his hair, and his frustration was visible as his gaze bounced around my face.
"It doesn’t matter!" I yelled, and he quickly pulled me farther into the library stacks. But I didn’t care who heard us. I didn't care if we were making a scene. "You took everything from me."
"I didn’t. I wasn’t." He looked so lost. He was scrambling with what to say, but there was nothing he could say to make this better. There was nothing he could do that could erase what he had already done. "I made those
plans before I knew you."
"And that’s supposed to make what you did better?" I jerked my hand from his and pushed against his chest to move him away from me. He didn’t budge an inch. "Just leave me the hell alone, Beck. You’ve proved your point. You’ve proved that you can best Lucas. That’s what you wanted, right?"
He didn’t say a word because what could he say? That was exactly what he had wanted.
He had sought me out to ruin Lucas.
If what he had said was true, he had sought me out to do the exact same thing to me that he was so pissed at Lucas for doing. But I had been more than willing to let him. I had been willing to give him everything without question.
"You got exactly what you wanted here."
He moved closer to me, and my back bumped into the tall bookcase.
"This isn’t what I wanted. Fuck." His eyes flicked over mine and to my mouth and then back. He looked so confused, so unsure of what he wanted or of what he was doing, and I felt as confused as he did. "I’m sorry."
"Your apology doesn’t mean shit to me." But I knew that I was staring up at him like it did because as much as I hated it, his apology did do something to me.
It fucked with my head, and that was probably part of his plan all along.
I was nothing more than a plaything to him, and he was going to take every opportunity he could to fuck with me. It didn’t matter that he had already ruined so much. Nothing mattered to him.
I could see that now.
Beck cared about his revenge and his revenge alone. I was nothing more than a casualty of war.
"What do you want from me?" I searched his face as I clenched my jaw and tried to prevent myself from spewing out everything that was running through my head. "Do you need another video?"
My heart was pounding, but it felt so different from how my heart had raced when I was with him before. It was now anger that pulsed through me.
Anger fueled everything that I thought and said.
I let my backpack slide from my back and drop to the floor, then before I could think better of it, I followed its path. I stared up at him and the way his pupils flared as I sank to my knees.
"What are you doing?" He reached for my arm to pull me back up, but I moved away from his touch.
"Isn’t this what you want?" I blinked up at him and cocked my head to the side. "You weren’t looking for anything but a whore, right?"
He cursed under his breath, and I let my shaking hand fall to his thigh. I had no idea what I was doing, but I wouldn’t let him walk around like he had forgotten what he tried to make me out to be. If he wanted to treat me like a whore, then he needed to be reminded that was what I was.
"Get up, Josie." He gripped my hand in his and tugged me forward. My knees drug against the hard carpet, but I refused to stand. He didn’t get to choose when he wanted me to be this girl and when he didn’t.
"No." I reached for his shorts, and he smacked my hand away. His mouth was agape as he stared down at me, and I knew I should have felt embarrassed or worried about where we were, but I felt neither. I was too high on how uncomfortable he looked.
He was so used to being in control. He always dictated the narrative, but not anymore.
If he wanted to push me, then this is the girl he was going to get. I refused to give him any more of who I really was. I refused to allow him to have any part of me that could ever mean something real.
"You’re not fucking doing this." He reached down and gripped me by the arms. "Now get up."
"Why not?" I could feel the burn of tears at the back of my eyes, and I was so damn angry with him. "Are you back with your girlfriend now that you’ve tricked me into thinking you weren’t a dirtbag?" I ran my hand over his dick as he pulled me up, and I was shocked by how hard he was beneath my touch. "Is she back to sucking your dick now?"
"Jesus Christ, Josie." Beck looked behind him, but there was no one around us. No one that I could see, anyway. "I’m trying to fucking apologize."
I pressed my hand farther against him and took a sharp inhale as he bit down on his bottom lip. It would be so easy to fall back into him. So effortless to believe what he was saying and beg him for more.
But I couldn’t do that again.
I could make excuses for myself being so fucking dumb the first time, but I wouldn’t slip into him so easily again.