I enjoy pointing out the holes in all the theories. I admit – freely and honestly – that I have no idea why the Maya left their cities and scattered far and wide in the monte. My favorite theory is one that a withered Mayan holy man who lived near Chichén Itzá told me over a bottle of aguardiente. ‘The gods said that the people must leave,’ he told me. ‘And so the people left.’
Sometimes, I dream of an abandoned city. I dream that each day the sun shines on the walls, fading the bright paints that color the stucco, cracking the plaster that covers the stone. When the evening wind blows, it tatters the cloth that once closed the rooms off from the outside world, carrying leaves and dust in through the open doorways. When the rains come, they flow down the stone steps, knocking loose fragments of stucco, watering the small plants that have taken hold in the cracks. Deer graze on the new grass that sprouts in the courtyard. Mice feast on maize, forgotten in underground chambers, spilled by peasants in the haste of their departure. The mice, rodents of short memories, do not fear the return of the inhabitants. In a temple room, a jaguar makes her home, bearing kittens beneath a statue of the Chaac amid a clutter of windblown leaves.
Sometimes, I dream of quakes – the earth trembling as if it shivered in the cold. The wood beams that support the roofs crack and the thick walls shift so that one stone no longer rests on the other just so. The walls tumble down.
In my dreams, the sun, the face of Ah Kinchil, the supreme god, shines on the temples of the Maya. Small trees reach up to the sun from the cracks between the stones. The rain falls and runs in a helter-skelter course amid blocks that twist this way and that. Birds sing in the trees, and owls hunt here by night, feeding on the arrogant mice that have come to regard this place as home.
Sometimes, very rarely, I dream of a thin man in the white pants of the Yucatecán peasant or a woman in a clean white huipil, the embroidered dress of the peasant woman. The man or woman comes quietly to the ruins, cautious lest the gods of the ancestors fail to approve of the visit. The people who return are more fearful than the mice: the people remember the past and know its power. Candlelight chases back the shadows for a time. The visitor burns incense, mutters propitiations and prayers, sacrifices a turkey and leaves it for the gods, then slips away into the night. The jaguar and her kittens eat the turkey, and the shadows return to the ruins.
The city I dream is not always the same. Sometimes it is Uxmal, and I watch swallows build nests in the elaborately carved facades. Sometimes it is Tulúm, and I listen to waves crash below the House of the Cenote and hear the humming of bees as they build a nest in the guard tower on the northern corner of the city wall. Sometimes it is Cobá, and I watch the trees take root amid the stones of the ball court, shoving carved blocks aside. Spanish moss sways on the branches, and pajaritos, laughing birds, fly in the branches. The city that I dream changes, but the slow decay is always there. The shadows linger.
I do not know why the Maya left. I only know that the shadows stayed behind.
2
Diane Butler
I pressed my forehead to the window of the jetliner and watched the plane’s shadow ripple over the brown land below. The plane jerked a little, bucking like a car on a rough road. We were flying through turbulence, and I felt sick to my stomach. My hands were shaking.
Still, I felt no worse than I had for the past two weeks. Not much better, but no worse. At least I was moving. I turned away from the window and rubbed my eyes. They felt gritty and sore from crying and lack of sleep. When was the last time I had slept? Three days ago, maybe. Something like that. I had tried to sleep but when I went to bed I lay awake, my eyes open and staring at nothing. I rubbed my eyes again and covered them with my hands for a moment, shutting out the light. Maybe I could get some sleep now. Maybe.
‘Excuse me,’ said a man’s voice. ‘Are you all right?’ Someone touched my arm and I jumped, moving my arm away.
I had not really looked at the man when he had taken the seat beside me. He was Mexican, a few years younger than I was – maybe in his mid-twenties. Dark hair, high cheekbones.
‘Fine,’ I said. My voice was hoarse and I cleared my throat. ‘Just tired.’ I tried to smile to reassure him, but my face was stiff and uncooperative.
‘I thought you were sick.’ He was watching me with concern.
I knew I looked pale. I felt pale. I felt half dead. ‘Fine,’ I said. I could think of nothing more to say. My father is dead, I could say. I just broke off a bad love affair and quit my job as a graphic artist. I could tell him that. I’m on my way to meet a mother I have not seen in fifteen years. And I think I might be going crazy. Then I would burst out crying and hide my face in the shoulder of his sport coat and leave a big damp spot. He looked very earnest and very sympathetic. ‘I’m fine,’ I said and turned back to the window.
‘Are you going to be spending much time in Mérida?’ he asked. ‘If you are, I can suggest some good restaurants.’
I smiled politely, a plastic smile, a Barbie doll smile, a curve of the lips with no intent behind it. ‘Thanks, but I’ll be on an archaeological dig outside Mérida. I don’t plan to spend much time in the city.’
‘You must be going to Dzibilchaltún,’ he said and smiled when I nodded.
‘How did you know?’
He shrugged. ‘Mérida is not so big. That’s the only archaeological dig nearby. I have heard about Dr Elizabeth Butler, the woman leading the excavation.’
‘What have you heard?’
‘She writes books.’
I smiled despite myself. ‘That, I know.’ I had read all my mother’s books, buying the hardcover editions as soon as they came out.
‘How long will you be there?’
‘Hard to say.’
I leaned back and closed my eyes against further questions. For once, the world inside my head was dark and quiet. The plane was taking me south and there was nothing I could do to speed it up or slow it down. No action was required of me now. I could not stop even if I had wanted to.
My memories of the past two weeks were hazy, but some moments stood out clearly. I remember the night before my father’s funeral. I could not sleep, and at some point, around about midnight I think, I got the bottle of Scotch from my father’s liquor cabinet, and I started drinking. The liquor did not stop the noise in my head, but the buzz of the alcohol helped drown out the nagging voices that told me about how badly I was behaving, about how ashamed my father would be to see me. I turned on the television and idly flipped from station to station, never lingering beyond the first commercial, until only one station remained on the air, playing old movies until dawn.
I sat in my father’s easy chair and watched a pretty blond actress argue with a craggy-faced man. I knew, without seeing the rest of the movie, that the argument would come to nothing. Sooner or later, the craggy-faced man would sweep the blonde into his arms and she would allow herself to be swept, forgetting all past disagreements. I knew that by the end of the movie they would kiss and make up. They always kissed and made up in old movies.
My mother and father had fought, but somehow they never got around to kissing and making up. When they fought, they never shouted – but even when my mother kept her voice down, her words had a bright sharp intensity, like the touch of alcohol on an open cut. And my father was stubborn too – he would not give an inch. I remember the time that he told me that my mother was crazy. There was a hard edge of reproach in his tone, as if somehow her insanity had been her own fault.