Danni took solace that her words were getting through to her sullen friend. The simple act of sipping tea had been as long awaited as a baby’s first step. The nurse smiled, knowing that it was the first step for her friend in her battle to learn to love and be loved. Pleased that she was a part of the healing that was beginning to take place, Danni lavished in the thought. She bent her head to gently brush her lips on top of the contemplative woman’s head, then slowly moved away to tend to the fire.
The petite woman stood before the fireplace, her mind consumed with thoughts of her friend as she absently watched the flames dancing along the logs. After a few moments, her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a voice coming from behind her. Startled by it, she turned to see her friend, still mesmerized but slowly moving her mouth in speech.
"You need to know…." The words were rough in coming out. "I never wanted," her eyes fell on the woman tending the fire. "I never needed…"
Danni rose, moving closer to her friend. "Garrett, you don’t need to explain anything if you don’t want to."
The firelight that reflected in the tortured globes made them shimmer as they followed the movement towards her. "Please, I want to tell you. You deserve to know what’s going on." She got a far away look in her eye as she thought for a moment. "I never dreamed that I would want to talk about it, ever again."
The nurse braced herself for what was about to unfold. Pulling the empty chair closer to her friend, she sat down, calmly waiting for Garrett to begin.
The surgeon pressed her eyelids closed as she concentrated on her breathing, trying to slow it down to a rhythmic pattern. Biting her lip, she jerked her head into a nod, before turning to look directly into the love-drenched green fields that were her friend’s eyes. Pursing her lips, the woman cautiously began her tale.
"I know exactly what Diana Morgan is going through. I’m a lone surviving family member, too." She held her hand up, not wanting to be interrupted. "I was out with a group of school chums at a movie when it happened. My parents and my younger brother were coming home from one of his baseball games when the accident occurred. They were going through an intersection when they were broadsided and pushed into a telephone pole. I didn’t find out until I came home. The house was empty when I arrived, I thought that they were just out for a celebratory ice cream cone after Lucas’ game. Then the phone rang, changing my life forever. I got the next door neighbor to drive me over to the hospital and that’s where, in no uncertain words, I was informed that my parents were dead." Pausing momentarily to choke back a tear, the woman continued. "They told me that my brother was critically injured and that it would be better if he were to die. He was so badly hurt that it would be impossible for me to take care of him then, or possibly even for the rest of my life. They had me sign a release for the bodies, they told me it was necessary to let them be removed by the funeral home. I found out years later that what I had really signed was the consent to remove Lucas from all life support." She gazed deeply into the misting green reflection pools of her friend. "I trusted them, Danni, I didn’t know any better."
The nurse could feel her heart breaking for Garrett. How she wished she had been there beside her then. But it was the present now, and she would do her best to comfort and support her in any way that she could. "You were just a child then, you weren’t expected to know any better. Why, I wish I knew who that physician was today. I’d like to give him a piece of my mind, taking advantage of the situation and you." She could feel her anger growing, deciding that now was not the time to explode.
"I was devastated with the loss. I had no one to really look after me and since I was only seventeen, I was still considered a minor in the eyes of the law. I was shuffled between the three relatives that I had left in the world, for the next year and a half until I went to college." She sniffed back a tear that was trying to escape. "I never realized how much I took them for granted until they were gone. That’s when I vowed never to let anyone hurt me again…that’s when I decided to not let anyone get close to me. The hurt was just too much when they were gone. I pretty much succeeded," she looked away, shyly admitting, "until I came here to Pittsburgh and couldn’t help myself." The dark haired woman coughed trying to clear her throat. "I told myself that I could make a difference and not let what happened to me, happen to someone else. I found out that I was wrong…dead wrong."
"Gar, there was nothing you could have done to prevent the accident. In fact, you did everything within your powers to give that family a fighting chance," she sighed. "It just wasn’t in the cards. Don’t let yourself think that you can stop the fates in their tracks." She reached out to touch the surgeon’s cheek, catching an isolated tear in its path. "I realize that it wasn’t your original call night, but everything happens for a reason. I think the Chabot twins chose that time to come into the world so that you could be in the right place, at the right time."
"I just know what that girl is going to live through, the torment, the wondering, the pain." The surgeon bit down on her lip in anguish. "I’ve been there, Danni, it’s not a nice place. You wonder if you had been in the car with them…if it had taken another minute longer to leave…would your family still be intact."
She closed her eyelids, letting the tears flow as they may. She was in too deep to try pulling back into that stoic protectiveness that she had used for so many years. She felt the gentle cupping of her cheek by the small hand of her friend and leaned into it. She could not believe that she was doing this, talking about her life, her family, after all these years. The events of the past few weeks had really shaken her world into the realization that she could no longer hold everything inside.
The comfort that she felt with the petite nurse was undeniable, she had felt it from the first day that she talked to her. It was as if she had known her for years, but yet only met her then. The only other person that she had ever felt that close to was her brother and look what had happened to him. For a moment she was seriously scared to let the young woman into her private arena of emotions, or anywhere near her, terrified that some horrible tragedy would befall her also if left to become too close to the ill-fated surgeon.
Sensing the grief and turbulence in her friend’s soul, Danni felt compelled to speak. "I know what you’re thinking, Garrett, and I don’t accept it. You are not responsible for the fates of the people you love." She raised the forlorn woman’s head so that their eyes met. The radiance of the gaze filled her soul and overflowed into the azure pools, giving new life to the still and murky waters of her soul. "You have done nothing but treat people with kindness and love. I see it every time that you’re in the trauma rooms. There is a special aura around you, I know, I can feel it. You have a wonderful gift to give, Garrett, don’t shut the world out. Please…don’t shut me out, not now."
The voice was almost inaudible, "How can you say that? The people I love only end up dead."
"We all will die someday, it’s just a matter of time. Why not enjoy life and each other until that day comes and then be thankful for the chance to have known that kind of bond?" Her eyes stayed pinned to the surgeon. She was not about to let go of this friendship, not now. It took too long to find.