“I’ll pay it back,” I told him. “I’ll be back in two weeks, so take good care of it.”
“Whatever you say,” he said.
I gave him the ruby and filled out some paperwork. He gave me the cash. And like that, I was out the door, suddenly feeling a weight lifted off my chest. I’d dealt with the problem. I was in control of my life again. Thinking of Aunt Tatiana’s ruby in that grubby man’s hands did give me a moment’s pause, and I half expected her to protest. But the rum kept her quiet, and I told myself again that there was no harm done.
I made no attempts to repeat the crème brûlée experiment, but I did pick up some pain au chocolat on the walk home so that I’d have something nice for when Sydney came over. We could eat it by candlelight and catch up on what had happened over the last day or so. It cost me only seven dollars, so no one could question my fiscal responsibility.
My phone rang when I was nearly to my door, and to my surprise, the display showed Rowena’s name.
“Hey, Prince Charming! A bunch of us are going to the Matchbox tonight. Eighteen and over, so you can bring your fictitious girlfriend.”
“I’m bringing her to my apartment tonight for some very not-fictitious activities,” I said. “I haven’t seen her in almost two days.”
“Boo-hoo. It’s a wonder you haven’t fallen to pieces. You know where we are if you change your mind.”
My energy was running strong, and I started off doing some rapid-fire painting. After a while, I lost interest and decided to spend the rest of the day cleaning my apartment from top to bottom. I felt a burning need to prove myself, not just to Sydney, but to me. I didn’t want to feel like I was drifting through life. I wanted to be responsible and in control. I wanted to be a worthy partner to her and threw myself into my cleaning more than I had in . . . well, I really couldn’t remember the last time, seeing as I hated cleaning. But tonight, I was fired up. I was unstoppable, even going so far as to scrub my kitchen backsplash with a toothbrush. I was high and excited, and the earlier glum mood was banished to the winds . . . at least until I was dusting my dresser and I saw the cuff links with the missing ruby. My dust rag faltered, and I stared at the gaping hole in the platinum setting. I suddenly felt like I had a matching hole in my soul.
“No,” I told Hopper, who was sitting on the bed, undoubtedly weirded out by my frenetic activity. “It’s not gone. I’ll get it back.”
I could’ve sworn I heard Aunt Tatiana laughing again, and I rushed to the liquor cabinet, intending to take another shot. Sure, it was violating the agreement, but these were unusual circumstances. I was entitled to some leeway to fight against this spirit backlash . . . right?
No. That was just an excuse, and I’d hold true to Sydney. I wouldn’t lose control. I couldn’t. Everything was fine. I’d told her I’d be strong, that I wouldn’t lapse again. In fact, to prove it to myself, I seized on an impulsive and questionably noble idea: I began emptying my liquor collection down the drain. Part of me winced at the waste, but the rest of me was proud. Now there’d be no temptation.
Sydney called when I was nearly finished. “Good timing, Sage. I’m just taking care of some housecleaning.”
She sighed. “I can’t come over. Zoe’s got it into her head that she wants me to help her with this Alchemist database, and she overheard Ms. Terwilliger mention a date—with Wolfe, if you can believe it—so I can’t use her as an excuse. I’m sorry.”
I was glad she couldn’t see my face. “No need to. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. And hey, this just gives me extra time to think of more ways to celebrate.”
Her laughter was tinged with relief. “How many ways have you thought of already?”
“Who can count the number of stars in the sky or grains of sand upon the beach? It’s futile.”
“Oh, Adrian.” The warmth in her voice stirred both my blood and my heart—and made the pain of her absence that much worse. “Tomorrow I’ll come over. I promise.”
“I’d say I’d count the seconds, but that’s a pretty big number for me.”
“I’ll count for both of us. I love you.”
The words were a dagger to my heart, sweet and cruel at the same time. We disconnected, and I stared around at my immaculate apartment with its latest freestyle paintings. On the kitchen counter, Hopper seemed to watch me judgmentally with his golden eyes. What was I going to do with myself now? It was embarrassing that I even had to ask that kind of question, like I was some child who required others to entertain him. But the canvas held no more interest for me, and I suddenly felt awake and wired. I had another night of insomnia ahead of me.
I put Supertramp on the record player and flounced onto my bed to read The Great Gatsby. I couldn’t focus, though. I was too restless, too keyed up over Sydney and the usual questions about where my life was going. She and I were caught up in this dangerous game that had no end in sight. There was no clear direction on anything else either. What would happen after Jill left Palm Springs? Would I follow her? Would I stay to finish my art degree? And then what? Rowena always joked about limited career options, but she wasn’t that far off from the truth. Tossing aside the book, I draped a hand over my eyes and tried to still the hamster wheel in my mind. Aunt Tatiana returned.
Why are you worrying about such things? It doesn’t suit you. Just live in the moment.
“Go away,” I said aloud. “You’re not here, and I’m not engaging with a figment of my imagination. I’m not that far gone. Besides . . . I have a future to think about with Sydney. I have my own future to think about.”
You’ll get by, that damned voice said. You always do. Your smile and charm will get you out of any situation. Forget all this brooding.
Some reasonable part reminded me that this conversation was only imagined, brought on by a rebound of spirit. And yet, I found myself arguing back. “No. I’m not going to keep going moment to moment without any regard for the consequences. No more impulsive decisions. I’m done with that phase in my life.”
Then why did you sell my ruby?
I opened my eyes. Undefinable emotions churned within me, and I didn’t know what I was going to do, only that I had to do something or else I’d explode. I had to get out of my own head. I had to get out of here. “No more. I’m done with this. I’m done with you.”
Scrambling out of bed, I went back to the living room to find where I’d discarded my cell phone. It was lying next to my uncapped oil paints. I scooped it up and dialed Rowena back.
“Yo,” I said. “You guys still there?”
CHAPTER 10
SYDNEY
I’D JUST GOTTEN INTO BED WHEN SOMEONE showed up at our door, knocking as furiously as one dared at a time of the night when the dorm was supposed to be asleep. Zoe, who had just drifted off, sat bolt upright and stifled a small scream, no doubt expecting a swarm of bat-winged vampires to come swooping in. I stalked across the room in trepidation, unsure of what madness I’d find.
It was Jill.
“Hey,” she said, strolling in like it wasn’t almost midnight. “I need a favor.”
The presumption in her voice was so like Angeline’s, I had to blink a couple of times to make sure I had the right person. “Do you know what time it is?”
“It’s not that late. Well, not for our kind. We’re just getting started.” Her sly tone and the small laugh that followed made Zoe clench the covers tighter. It made me raise an eyebrow in disbelief. “And that’s the problem,” Jill continued with a pout. “I know we were just at Clarence’s yesterday . . . but you wouldn’t believe how much I’m craving blood. Like, I can’t stop thinking about it. You have to take me over there right now, or I don’t think I can handle it!”