When Jackie finally rose and returned to us, she shook her head sadly. “Nothing. I’m sorry. Let’s try the other.”
She cast the other one inside, a spectacular feat that created a large spinning disc in midair. The power it required nearly made her pass out, and I caught her as she started to collapse. “Still nothing.” It was only then, seeing her on the verge of tears, that I understood just how deeply she cared about Sydney. “I thought one of these would work. But all I get is a dark wall.” We helped her back to the living room, and I dug through her kitchen for food. One thing I’d learned was that depleted magic users needed calories. “I had a similar experience when my sister was in a coma.”
Jill flinched. “Do you think Sydney is? Would they have hurt her?”
“I don’t know enough about it or their methods,” said Jackie, gratefully taking a glass of apple juice from me. “I’m still certain she’s alive, but that’s it.”
I sat back on the love seat and shifted into a dream trance. It seemed unlikely I’d reach anything if Jackie hadn’t, but I had to try. As I’d feared, there was just more darkness. It was getting hard to tell where hers ended and mine began.
When I came back, the others were watching me with grim looks. “Go home, Adrian,” said Jill. “Get some rest. You’re of more use to her if you’re at full strength.”
“I’m no use to her,” I said.
When I’d been with Sydney, whether it was in the heat of passion or simply sitting around and talking, I hadn’t thought it was possible for my heart to hold any more love. Now, I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to hold any more despair. No, not just my heart. Every part of me grieved so much. People used to tease me about alcohol poisoning, but this was the real stuff, the toxin that would finally win.
And speaking of alcohol . . . for the first time in a month, I wanted a drink. I wanted a lot of drinks. I wanted to drink until I passed out into my own darkness, until I was beyond feeling because I couldn’t go on for another moment feeling like this. It would numb me from spirit and the ability to dream, but at this point, the dreams I had weren’t helping Sydney anyway.
“Don’t,” said Jill, guessing my thoughts. She came over to sit beside me. “There’s still hope.”
“Is there?” I leaned against her shoulder, wondering how she could still feel that way–especially if she had a direct line into my heart.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Hopper lying on an end table. I’d left him here after the night Sydney had been taken, which had been bad form on my part. “What’ll happen to him?” I asked Jackie. “Is there any way you can bring him back?”
Her eyes fell on the glittering dragon. “No. She’s the only one who can summon him. Keeping him around you, even in this form, might help, but if he ever comes out of this state, he’ll be weak and sick. Of course, after the year is up, he’ll fade back to his realm anyway . . . but it’s a miserable, trapped state to be in for that long.”
“I know how he feels,” I muttered. Too bad I couldn’t take Hopper out drinking with me. He could have become Bar Hopper.
Eddie stared at Hopper with contempt, but I suspected it was for himself, not the dragon. “I’m so stupid,” he muttered. It was a refrain I’d heard from him a lot. “I never should have believed it. I shouted that ‘spell’ over and over in that field, and all I did was give them more time to get away with her.”
“She was just protecting you,” said Jill.
“It was my job to protect her,” he growled.
Jackie finished off her juice and turned to a package of cookies. “What spell did she tell you to recite?”
Eddie’s brow furrowed. “ Cent . . . centrum permanebit. Is it even a real spell?”
“Not that I know of.” Jackie gave him a sympathetic look he didn’t even really notice. “But if it makes you feel better, it is Latin. A lot of spells use that language.”
“What’s it mean?” asked Jill. I was still leaning into her, but my mind was wandering to an analysis of nearby bars. Downtown’s were nicer, but I might run into people I knew if I went to Carlton. Did I want to be alone or not?
“Well, centrum means center,” said Jackie. “ Permanebit is a future tense verb. ‘Remains’ is one translation. Or maybe ‘endures.’ Together it’d be something like, ‘the center will endure.’”
I jerked my head up. “Hold,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “The center will hold.”
Sydney’s last words. Not for Eddie, but for me.
The last of my self‑control shattered, and I abruptly stood. Jill reached for me. “Adrian . . .”
“I’ll see you guys later.” I moved toward the door, pausing to scoop up Hopper and put him in my jacket.
The center will hold.
Will it, Sydney? I wondered. Because I’m falling apart.
“Where are you going?” asked Eddie.
“Out,” I said. “Escape plan number eighty‑two: Go some‑where where I don’t have to feel anything for a while.”
He exchanged a worried look with Jill and asked, “When are you coming back?”
Centrum permanebit.
I shook my head and turned away. “It doesn’t matter.”
CHAPTER 24
SYDNEY
IT WAS THE COLD THAT FINALLY WOKE ME UP. I’d been going in and out of a dark, dreamless haze for an indefinable amount of time, and I had no idea how long it had been since I was in the van with my family. Judging from my dry mouth and groggy mind, there was still some drug kicking around in my body, but they must have lifted it enough to let me finally grasp at consciousness.
The floor I was lying on was a rough, uneven concrete that held no warmth and was made even more uncomfortable because it was damp. It added to the chill seeping into my bones, and I slowly and awkwardly managed a sitting position, so that I could wrap my arms around myself in a weak attempt to hold in body heat. The damp cell couldn’t be any more than fifty degrees, and the fact that I was naked wasn’t helping matters.
The room was also black. Pitch‑black. I’d been in darkness before, but this was impenetrable. There was nothing, not even a whisper of light, that my eyes could adjust to. That blackness was nearly tangible, heavy and smothering. I had to rely on my other senses to get any idea of my setting, and from the ominous silence, my hearing wasn’t going to do me any favors.
My teeth began to chatter, and I drew my knees up to my body, wincing as the harsh floor scraped my skin. I huddled into a ball as best I could, scarcely able to believe I’d just been in a desert. How long ago had that been? I had no clue, nor did I know where I was now. The drug they’d given me had stopped the passage of time. It could’ve been days or minutes since my abduction.
“Hello, Sydney.”
The voice came without warning, seemingly from every part of the cell, echoing off the walls. It was female, but there was a synthesized quality to it, like she was speaking through a filter. I said nothing but lifted my head up and stared straight ahead unflinchingly. If this room was equipped with a fancy sound system, then they probably had some sort of night vision cameras that let them view me. The Alchemists might try to cut off my senses, but they would certainly make sure they had every advantage for themselves.
“Do you know where you are?” the voice asked.
I had to swallow a few times before my tongue would form words again. “Being held by a bunch of sick voyeurs who get their kicks out of locking up a naked girl?”
“You’re the one who’s sick, Sydney.” The voice had no emotion whatsoever. “The darkness that surrounds you is nothing compared to the darkness that’s defiled your soul. We’re here to help you expel it.”
“I don’t suppose you could help me to clothes and a blanket?”