“Father!”
“Mumphh.”
David could tell where Father Cornelius was by watching the rippling of the cassocks in the closet. It was like tracking a whale underwater.
A very small, very determined whale.
“Father, will you please explain what is going on?”
“The Supreme Being,” said Father Cornelius, his voice muffled by the yards of dusty cloth that hung in the closet.
“The what?”
“The Fifth Element! Here in our parish!” Cornelius emerged with a clean cassock, holding it in front of him like a schoolgirl checking out her prom dress.
“It’s a miracle!” he said.
“And what’s your name?” Korben asked the girl. She was studying the card he had given her. Korben pointed to his name on the card. “Name!” She brightened, seeming to understand.
“Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchaii Ekbat De Sebat,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Hey,” said Korben, struggling to take it all in. “That’s… cute. Do you have a nickname? Something a little… shorter?”
“Leeloo.”
Korben stared into her deep green eyes. They were like a sea in which he was eager to drown. Her flame-red hair was like a fire in which he desperately wanted to be consumed.
He was falling in love.
“Leeloo,” he repeated. “That’s really… cute.”
Father Cornelius and David burst into the living room—and found themselves staring into the barrel of Korben’s gun, held on them by the girl.
“Appipulai Lee loo Minai,” Cornelius said.
The girl lowered the gun. “Cor knee lee us?”
He bowed. “At your service.”
She started to laugh. It was a childish, infectious laugh that brought a smile to the old priest’s face, and to Korben’s as well.
Only the young novice, David, was frowning, He had never been so close to such a desirable creature. It bothered him that she was so… sexy.
He turned to the priest. “Are you sure she’s the Supreme Being?”
“Absolutely,” said Cornelius. “There are the Four Elements on her wrist!”
David bowed low, while Leeloo extended her thin wrist for his examination.
Meanwhile, Cornelius took Korben’s thick wrist in his two small hands and steered him toward the door.
“Thanks so much for your help, Mr… ?” “Dallas,” said Korben. “Korben Dallas. But—” Korben looked back over his shoulder. Leeloo was no longer laughing. She was watching him with sad eyes.
“Yes,” babbled the priest, “that’s fine. Thank you very much, a thousand times over!”
“Think I might call to check up on her?” Korben asked as the apartment door slid open. “You know, to see if she’s better?”
“She’s fine, really,” said Father Cornelius as he expertly hustled Korben through the door. “Don’t worry. She just needs some rest. She’s had a very long trip!”
“I know,” Korben said. “I was there when she arrived.”
He was neatly deposited in the hallway.
The door was just about to slide shut when he checked it with his hand, tripping the safety override.
“Excuse me. One other thing, Father. She said something to me a while ago and I didn’t really get it. Akta gamat?”
“Akta gamat,” repeated Cornelius, hitting the safety override. “It means ‘Never without my permission.’”
“That’s what I thought,” said Korben as the door slid shut in his face.
“Evening!” said Korben to the robot doorman.
It was a half hour later. He had taken the cab back to the garage, and he was returning to his lonely apartment halfway up the towers of the city. Not high enough for the truly clean air, but above the worst of the smell.
“Evening,” he said to his neighbor in the hallway.
“Fuck you,” said the nasty neighbor. It was what he always said to everybody.
“Thanks,” said Korben wearily. “You too.”
He slipped into his tiny apartment module.
“Meeeow!”
The cat came running and started rubbing against his leg.
“Oh, God, I forgot your food! I’m really sorry!” Korben turned and pressed a button on the wall. It was directly connected to a fast-food restaurant. “How about a nice Thai nosh to apologize? How does that sound?”
“Meow.”
The phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hey, bud,” growled Finger’s voice. “I’m waiting all day here at the garage.”
“Finger, man,” muttered Korben. “I’m sorry. Listen, the cab is fine. Purring like a cat.”
“Yeah? Well, if that’s the case why don’t you let me hear it?”
“Okay. Look,” said Korben, “I was on my way over, but I had a fare fall into my lap. You know, one of those big fares you just can’t resist?”
Finger was still suspicious. “How big?”
“About five-foot-nine,” said Korben, pulling a cigarette from his vest “Green eyes, long legs, great skin. You know? Perfect.”
He tried to light a match.
It sputtered damply and went out.
“Uh huh,” said Finger. “I see! And this perfect fare—she’s got, like, a name?”
“Yeeaaahhh,” said Korben dreamily. “Leeloo.”
13
“What’s she doing!?” David demanded.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her.
First she had walked nearly nude out of the shower.
Now she was sitting at the computer, wearing only a skimpy towel, wolfing down fried chicken.
Leeloo was surfing around the Internet so fast that the modem cable was smoking, the hard drive was whining, the chip was barking like a dog.
On the screen, data was scrolling past in a
steady stream.
“She’s learning our history!” said Cornelius. “The last five thousand years that she missed. She’s been out of circulation a while, you know!”
Both men looked over, startled, as Leeloo broke into laughter. Her laugh was a bright, musical sound, like die laughter of children, totally without malice or cruelty.
“What are you laughing about?” Cornelius asked. What could she find in the bloody history of
humanity’s last five thousand years that could be the slightest bit amusing?
“Nap Oh Leon,” said Leeloo.
“What the heck is funny about Napoleon?” David asked.
“Small!” chirped Leeloo. “So small!”
Still giggling, she tossed two more KwikChick capsules into the microwave.
The microwave scanned the capsules, clicked on the timer, and turned itself on.
“Uh, Father,” said David. “I know she’s been through a lot. But we don’t have much time. The Ultimate Evil is getting closer and closer.”
“Yes, of course,” said Cornelius.
Ding!
Leeloo opened the microwave. The capsule had expanded into a steaming plate heaped with chicken and vegetables.
She set the chicken dinner beside the computer and sat down in front of it, scrolling with one hand and eating with the other. Her appetite seemed bottomless.
“Leeloo,” Cornelius began. “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but…”
He held up the broken handle she had given him.
“The case?”
Leeloo shrugged, starting on her second chicken dinner. The screen scrolled faster.
“The case with the Sacred Stones,” Father Cornelius went on. “You were supposed to have it.”
“San Agmat chay bet,” said Leeloo. “Envolet!”
“The case was stolen?”
Leeloo nodded, seemingly unperturbed. She helped herself to more chicken.
“Who in God’s name would do such a thing?” Cornelius asked, shocked.
Zorg, that’s who.
At that very moment, the galaxy’s cruelest financier was lurching crabwise across his warehouse in his best Byronic limp, musing on how to use his zillions most strategically, to the detriment of all that is wholesome and good.