“I ought not to have let you read it.”
“I’m very glad you did.”
She drew a long troubled breath.
“I oughtn’t to have let anyone read it. I didn’t think-I never thought that anyone would believe those things were true.”
“Of course they wouldn’t!”
“Uncle Jonathan did.”
When she said that, he knew where the lost look came from. It wasn’t the anonymous letter that had shaken her. It was Jonathan Field.
“He didn’t!”
“He did. I thought I ought to show it to him. I never thought he would believe it, but he did. He has got very fond of Mirrie, and he thinks I’m jealous. I don’t think I am-I really don’t think so. But he believes it. I even began to think he might have written the letter himself. Not really, you know, but he did seem to agree with everything it said.”
“But that’s nonsense!”
The anger in his voice warmed her. There had been a deadly inner cold, like touching metal with your bare hand in a deep frost. She had done that once and it had burned her hand. Anthony’s anger didn’t burn, it warmed the things which Jonathan Field’s anger had frozen. Her thoughts began to move again, to order themselves.
“Anthony, will you tell me truly, has there been anything for people to notice about the way I’ve treated Mirrie? If there has, I haven’t known it myself-I really haven’t.”
“You’ve been an angel to her. Jonathan must be off his head. Are you sure you understood him properly?”
She walked away from him to the window. The garden lay under a grey sky that was rifting to let through a glimpse of wintry blue. The lawn went on for a long way, running down to trees which fringed a stream. The trees were leafless and the tracery of bare branches stood out against the water-flow. The weather had been mild and the lawn was green. The cedar had no winter change to make. Some of last year’s cones stood up on the sweeping branches like a flock of little brown owls. Field End had been her home since she was three years old. She had been sheltered and loved there. It was Mirrie who had been the lost waif with no one to care for her. It came into her mind that the anonymous letter turned this upside down. “You think pretty well of yourself… You’ve been brought up soft… You’ve got things coming to you that you’re not going to like. Some of those who are underneath now will be on top, and you will be underneath.” The words came out of the hidden places of her thought like rats coming out of their holes in the dark. It was all too fantastic to be real. She could have put the letter in the fire and-no, she couldn’t have forgotten about it. But she would have done her best not to let it make any difference to her, or to Mirrie, or to anyone. It wasn’t the letter, it was Jonathan’s reaction to it that was turning her world upside down. She had expected him to be angry, but his anger hadn’t turned against the anonymous letter-writer, it had turned against herself. All the concern, all the protective warmth were for Mirrie whom he had known for just six weeks. There was none to spare for the girl who had felt herself a daughter to him ever since she could remember feeling anything at all.
Anthony had come to stand beside her. He put an arm about her shoulders, but he did not speak. It was she who broke the silence, turning to face him as she did so. “I think I shall have to go away.” He said, “It will pass.”
He wasn’t touching her any more, but they were very close. She shook her head.
“He has changed. He hasn’t got the same feeling for me any more. I thought he would be angry about the letter, but I didn’t think he would be angry with me. He never has been before-not like that. But I’ve seen it happen with other people, even when he has known them and been friends with them for a long time. It starts with something, anything, it doesn’t seem to matter very much what, and then he goes on working himself up until there’s nothing left that’s worth keeping. I’ve known it happen half a dozen times, and there’s nothing anyone can do. It doesn’t pass, and he doesn’t come round. The other person is just wiped right off the slate for good and all.”
“ Georgina!”
As if she had not heard him, she said,
“And now it’s happened to me.”
He took her hand and found it very cold.
“It won’t happen that way with you-it can’t! You mustn’t do anything in a hurry.”
There was a momentary flash in the dark grey eyes.
“I don’t think I’ll wait until he tells me to go.”
“He won’t do that.”
“I think he will if I give him the chance. The bother is that I’m not trained for anything. Training takes time, and one has to live.”
He waited a little before he said soberly,
“You know, you are making too much of this.”
“You didn’t hear what he said.”
“People say a lot of things they don’t mean when they are angry.”
Her eyes were suddenly bright with tears.
“I thought he would be angry about the letter. I couldn’t believe it when he was angry with me.”
He said as easily as he could,
“Oh, he just flew off the handle. He does sometimes-everyone does. You know how it is yourself. You say something because you are angry, and you go on getting angrier because you have said it. It’s a sort of buttered slide.”
She shook her head.
“No-no, it wasn’t like that. The letter touched it off, but what he said-Anthony, what he said was there in his mind already. I think it had been there for a long time-perhaps since very soon after he brought Mirrie here. You see, he told me he was going to alter his will.”
“He told you that just now?”
“Yes, just now. But he had been thinking about it before that-he must have been. He said he didn’t want me to think that his decision had been made in a hurry, or because of any indignation he might be feeling at the moment. Those are his own words. And then he went on to say he was going to make provision for Mirrie. And I said, ‘Of course,’ and he told me not to interrupt, and he asked me whether I was going to pretend I wouldn’t care if he cut me off without a penny.”
“And what did you say to that?” The colour came up brightly in her cheeks. “I blazed. I said of course I should care, because it would mean that he didn’t care for me any more. I said I was very glad about Mirrie, and I asked him what had put such horrible ideas into his head.”
“What did he say to that?”
The ringing tone went out of her voice.
“It wasn’t any good. He called Mirrie ‘that poor child,’ and said I had always been jealous of her from the first and he had been a fool not to see it. It wasn’t any use talking to him after that. I did try, but it wasn’t any good. I think everything has gone, and I don’t think there is anything that can bring it back. So I shall have to go. I can’t stay here if he doesn’t want me any longer. I oughtn’t to have said anything about it. I wasn’t going to, only you were there and it came out. I don’t want to go on talking about it any more. I want you to go”
He went as far as the door and turned round with a jerk and came back again.
“ Georgina -”
She shook her head.
“I asked you to go away.”
“Yes, I’ll go. I just want to say-to say-”
“Don’t say it.”
“It’s no good your trying to stop me. It’s just that I love you very much.” He caught himself up and repeated with a change of emphasis, “I love you very much. But I expect you must know that already. I’ve loved you for a long time, and I shall go on loving you always. Will you remember that, and if there is anything I can do, will you let me do it? That’s all, my dear.”
He went out of the room and shut the door behind him.