Every time I thought about a relationship with Scarlett, I jumped straight into the claustrophobic stage. It was too much. She was my best friend and my roommate—dating her as well would suffocate me.
Even just imagining us dating started the panic in my blood. The walls were closing in on me.
“Hey, your eyes are looking a little wild. Whatever is going on in your head, just stop it.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “This is just you and me. We’re fine. We’ll always be fine.”
The pressure inside me eased until I could breathe again. Smile, even. Scarlett had a way of reaching me, of centering me, like no one else. Her hand on my back at Amelia’s school principal’s office. Late night mojitos and patient listening when I’d been tearing my hair out over my thesis. She could make my world return to its axis with a glance. A word. A touch.
Something shifted inside me and I looked at her with new eyes. She was so beautiful, she shone from within. I didn’t just want to have sex with her again, I wanted all of her. More than I’d ever had from her. More than I’d ever had from anyone.
“Scarlett,” I said, my voice cracking on her name.
“Yeah?” She sounded wary, as if she could tell something had changed.
“We’ve explained our connection away as being best friends, but what if there is more?”
Her lips parted, but didn’t form words for a long moment. “Like what?”
I leaned closer again and wound my fingers through her soft blond hair. “Maybe we should give a relationship a go.”
She drew in a sharp breath. “Dating?”
“Yeah, like dating.” I traced my hand from her hair around to cup the side of her face. “But that word doesn’t feel right for people who are as involved as we are in each other’s lives.”
“Are you saying you should be my boyfriend?” She didn’t sound as keen as I hoped she would, and I started to get nervous. The more I thought about it, though, the more it felt right.
I nodded. “And you’d be my girlfriend.”
She adjusted her position in the seat. “Didn’t we just discuss this? About three minutes ago?”
“Forget everything I said then. I was young and immature.”
She arched an eyebrow. “And now you’re three minutes older and understand life, the universe, and everything?”
“Yeah.” I grinned and waited for her to return the smile, but she didn’t, so mine eventually faded. We were usually in sync, but now, when I could suddenly see clearly, our thinking seemed to be out of step.
“Finn,” she said, adjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose, “I’d rather be your lifetime best friend than a short-term girlfriend. Sex with you is awesome, but you…” She laid a hand over my heart. “You are more important in my life.”
The heart she was feeling missed a beat. “You don’t want to?”
“I really want to.” Her tongue darted out and moistened her lips. “Really. I just want your friendship more.”
“But what if it could work? What if we throw away the chance at something amazing just because we’re afraid of losing something else?”
She squeezed her eyes shut as if she was in pain. “There are so many potential downsides.”
“Yeah, but on the plus side”—I leaned in and kissed her—“we could do that wherever we wanted. No more talking ourselves out of it.”
“That’s a very big plus.” Her eyes met mine and held for endless moments. “Okay,” she said finally, giving me a shy smile. “Let’s do this.”
“I knew you’d see it my way eventually.” I kissed her again, more deeply this time. Suddenly, the world seemed brighter. Full of promise.
After an eternity, we eased apart and Scarlett clicked her seat belt into place. I knew there was a goofy smile on my face, but I was powerless to do much about it. Besides, she had a matching one.
“How do you think we should tell Amelia and your parents?” I asked, thinking about the effect of walking in the door with an arm around Scarlett’s waist.
She chewed on her lip before replying. “What if we didn’t?”
“Didn’t tell them?”
“New couples don’t normally have one person’s parents and the other person’s sister living in the same house. Most new couples get to slowly introduce the person they’re dating to their friends and family. Ease into it.”
“Are you worried about how they’ll react? That they won’t approve?”
“I’m thinking more about the pressure on us. We’d be finding our feet in a new relationship with a captive audience watching our every move. That’s a whole lotta pressure.”
I thought about her parents. They’d probably go to great pains to make sure Scarlett and I always sat beside each other, and wink whenever I spoke to her alone.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “That could get awkward fast. So you think we should keep it a secret?”
“Just until we feel comfortable about it ourselves.”
There was another unspoken reason hanging in the air—I could see it in her eyes. If this didn’t work out between us and we tried to go back to being friends, the last thing we’d want would be prying eyes and well-meaning interference that could throw us off balance again.
No matter what, Scarlett was a non-negotiable in my life. If this thing between us didn’t work out, I’d do my damnedest to retrieve our friendship from its ashes. And if that happened, no one else needed to know the whole sorry saga.
“Okay, I’ll be your secret boyfriend.”
“Sounds kinda sexy,” she said, looking up at me through her lashes. “I’ll be your secret girlfriend.”
As I leaned in to seal it with a kiss, I felt a moment of trepidation, but banished it. There would be no need to retrieve our friendship from the ashes of this relationship—being with Scarlett meant far too much to let something go wrong.
Not working was not an option for us.
Chapter Twelve
Scarlett
The phone on the reception desk buzzed and the red light showed it was an internal line.
“You’ve reached Reception. Scarlett speaking.”
“It’s Cathy. Can you get lunch now?”
I glanced at the clock: 11:52 a.m. “Hang on.” I put her on hold while I turned to Andrea beside me. “Do you mind if I go a bit early for lunch?”
“Sure.” She smiled. I’d covered for her a few times when her boyfriend had dropped in, so I knew she meant it.
“Thanks.” I took Cathy off hold and said, “On my way.”
In the staff room, I grabbed my lunch bag from the fridge. My parents had bought us a box of organic apples to say thanks to Finn for taking Harvey to the vet, so I had two of those plus a cheese sandwich. I poured two coffees from the percolator and was still adding milk to the one for Cathy when she arrived.
Handing it over, I noticed her eyes shining. “What’s up?”
She dropped her lunch on the table and handed me a piece of paper from her pocket. “I’ve found him.”
The sheet of paper had a grainy photo of an attractive guy with hipster glasses and a short beard. I handed it back. “Had you lost him?”
“No, I’ve found the perfect guy for you.” She flattened the page out on the table between us.
A shiver of unease rippled across my skin. I hated lying to her, but if Finn and I were going to have our best shot at making this work, we really did need to do it away from other people’s expectations and reactions. When we’d arrived home from the workshop two nights ago, we’d managed to act normal. At least, no one seemed to have noticed anything was different. Then, both nights, a couple of hours after everyone had gone to bed, Finn had sneaked into my room. We’d had to be quiet, but it was possible that had added to the excitement—something had to explain how explosive sex with Finn was.