I winced. “You might not think so if you’d grown up that way. Thomas and I are pretty much just trying to put down roots and do the opposite of our childhood.”
Billie turned disbelieving eyes to me. “I think you were so lucky.”
I wanted to say the same back—she’d had the childhood I’d wanted, where she went to the same schools and lived in the same house, but she’d also lost her parents when she was sixteen, and no amount of continuity of schools could make up for that.
“In some ways, I guess I was,” I said.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Billie said. “My parents were amazing, and Finn has done a better job than I would have if I’d been the one in his position—I owe him a huge debt. Amelia and I lucked out by having Mum, Dad, and Finn there for us, but, I don’t know—I just feel like I need to get out of the everyday routine and my own expectations of myself. Find who I really am.”
It made sense. “I guess we want whatever we missed out on. I want to find out who I am by staying in one place long enough.”
Of course, I admitted, if only to myself, I had been in one place for a while—in Sydney for four years, and living with Finn for a year of that. Did that mean I should know who I was by now? And what I really wanted?
Finn
I climbed the stairs to Scarlett’s art studio in the attic, trying to work out what to say. It was Amelia’s night to cook, and she was in the kitchen making nachos with Billie helping, and I was hoping for a few minutes alone with Scarlett.
When I reached the top of the stairs, I found her at her easel, completely in her element. The brush was an extension of her hand, flowing over the canvas, leaving color in the rhythm of her breath. The effect was amazing. She was amazing.
She turned slightly as she coated the brush with more paint, and saw me. “Finn.” She pushed her glasses up her nose with the inside of her wrist. “Come in.”
Her eyes were a little wary, but I had a good idea what that wariness was about.
I pushed off the doorframe and stepped into her world. “Billie told me about the job. Thank you for helping her.”
Scarlett winced. “She wouldn’t have needed the job if my parents hadn’t been here. She’d be on her way back to classes. It was the least I could do.”
“None of that was your fault,” I said, hoping she believed it this time. “And still, I’m grateful you helped her.”
She placed her brush in the jar of water on the table beside her and wiped her hands. “I was glad to.”
“It was your job she got today, wasn’t it?” I took a step closer, wanting to see her eyes, to see what was going on in them as she answered.
She swallowed. “Yes.”
I dug my hands into my pockets. “You took the promotion.”
“I did,” she said, watching me closely.
“When?”
“Last week.” She pulled off my old button-down shirt she used to protect her clothes when she painted, and hung it on a hook I’d screwed into the wall for the purpose. “I move across to the new job tomorrow, when Billie starts on the front desk.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” It stung, that my sister had been the one to fill me in on Scarlett’s life.
“Truth?” she asked softly.
“Always.”
She glanced down at the floor for a moment, then back up to meet my eyes. “I knew you’d be disappointed. And I hate seeing that in your eyes.”
“God, Scarlett, no.” I moved closer, ran a hand up and down her arm. “I just want you to be happy. When you’re looking for a sounding board, or to talk it over, then I’ll tell you what I think. But if you’ve made up your mind, then I’ll always stand behind you.”
Her hazel eyes were suspiciously bright, and she blinked rapidly. I pulled her into my arms, hoping to bypass the possibility of crying. It made me feel helpless—that I’d failed to fix things.
“You’re good to me,” she whispered.
“It goes both ways.”
After a minute, she stepped back. “There’s something else.”
I tensed. Those words usually weren’t followed by good news. “Then you’d better tell me.”
“Billie knows we’re sleeping together.”
“You told her?” Keeping it a secret had initially been Scarlett’s idea, so her telling my sister made no sense.
“She asked point blank, and I blushed and hesitated, so she worked it out.”
That sounded like Billie. “I’ve been trapped into giving her more information than I meant to in the past, too,” I said ruefully.
“She was surprised because she thought we’d been sleeping together for years.”
I was stunned. “I had no idea she thought that.” Then again, she’d always been good at holding her cards to her chest—the opposite to Amelia, who shared most of the things going on in her head.
“She also said that you and I, and I quote, ‘Might think you’re only recent, but for all intents and purposes, you’ve actually been in a relationship for years. So don’t be scared to make it public’.”
Everything inside me stilled. I’d been thinking the same thing lately. When had my little sister become so wise?
I ran my hands through my hair. “You know what? She’s right. We said we’d keep it a secret while we were finding our feet, but this is you and me. We always land on our feet.”
“Well, except when we put our faith in cheap bookshelves.”
“And even then it was pretty spectacular.” I reached for her hand and pulled her against me, the memory stoking the slow burn in my blood. “Besides, your parents know, and Billie knows. We may as well make it official.”
A teasing glint lit up her eyes as she pretended to consider. “What exactly does official entail?”
“Mainly that we become public. Don’t have to sneak around or hide.”
“Will I get the full Finn McKenzie treatment?” She stroked a hand down my chest. “Taken out for dates?”
Even though I knew she was teasing, I answered seriously. “You’ll get everything I can give.”
As we pulled away, she fidgeted with the ends of her hair. “Even though we’re taking this to another level, I still think we’ll have to be careful how we manage it. We’re skipping some steps that normal couples go through when they’re dating.”
I grinned. “Just because we already have a house together, two kids downstairs, and a dog?”
She laughed. “Yeah, that. Thing is, since we’re ahead on a few factors, I think we should be careful on a couple of others.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Scared you’ll change your mind?”
“Just thinking that if we’re not careful, we’ll pretty much be an old married couple with family routines and a white picket fence before we have a one month anniversary.”
I chuckled and interlaced our fingers. “What do you have in mind?”
“We keep our own bedrooms.” Her gaze was steady on mine. “Neither one of us moves in to the other’s room.”
Everything inside me rebelled at the suggestion. “I’ve been wanting you to spend full nights in my bed. And when I say wanting, I mean dreaming and fantasizing about it. Maybe saying a prayer or two.”
She held up a hand, staving off my objection. “A newly dating couple would each still be living in their own place. We should replicate that.”
“I’m not fond of this rule.”
“Nothing to say we can’t visit…”
“A little better.” I pulled her close and pressed a kiss behind her earlobe, where I knew it drove her crazy.
“Also…” She laid both hands on my chest, which I liked, and pushed back, which I didn’t like as much. “That means you need to think about that stuff we talked about in the car on your birthday.”
I mock-sighed. “Two minutes into an official relationship and you’re already the most emotionally challenging girlfriend I’ve ever had.”
She smiled, even as she said, “I’m serious.”
“I know. And I have been thinking about what you said that day, and you’re probably right.” It went against the grain to put feelings like these into words, but Scarlett deserved to know, so I steeled myself and went on. “Somewhere deep inside me is a belief that if you don’t commit you can’t be abandoned.”