Out on the fen seagulls wheeled, calling, sensing the long drought was about to break. The laboured breathing on the tape returned and slowly tapered into sleep. Dryden switched it off.
‘My God,’ said Estelle, and Dryden knew instantly that she was thinking about Lyndon. About the consequences of another lie.
‘Where is he?’ said Dryden.
‘My God,’ she said again.
‘Laura told me to watch out for Freeman White–Lyndon’s roommate.’
Estelle just said ‘Laura’, and cried again. ‘We didn’t know she could hear us. I’m sorry. We just used to talk. About us. About what to do after Mum died. We didn’t do it in front of Mum because she could hear us, even, sometimes, when she slept. We couldn’t be sure. We wanted to surprise Mum – about us, when she was better. We still thought that then – that she would get better. And after she died we went back to pick up her things. Laura must have heard. We talked about what to do. We thought she was in a coma. I’m sorry.’
Dryden nodded so that she could go on: ‘We asked Freeman to follow you. We were desperate. You were asking questions, so many questions. I couldn’t refuse because you were right, it was what Mum wanted. She wanted it all out. And you came out to see us. We thought you were close to finding out about the marriage.’
‘And the fire at the register office? White too?’
She looked him in the eyes, a silent affirmation. ‘We thought it would destroy the evidence. Give us some time to think. We told Freeman not to hurt you. Lyndon told him that. But Freeman owes him everything, his life, really, because of Al Rasheid. Lyndon kept him alive, gave him water, food. When the Americans got to Al Rasheid they were both nearly dead. Freeman knows that, the loyalty’s fierce. So he agreed to help, when we told him we just needed to know if you’d got close. And if you had, we wanted to stop you. Warn you off.’
‘Where’s Lyndon?’ asked Dryden.
‘I have to tell him,’ she said. ‘Before…’
In the silence thunder rolled. ‘Has he ever talked about suicide?’
She nodded. ‘Sometimes, since Mum died. It got worse – when I wouldn’t go back. Back to the States. He left, left here, the night before Mum’s funeral.’
Dryden thought Mum? but asked: ‘And you’ve no idea where he is?’
‘He took the Land Rover and went. Said he’d find somewhere to think. Rent, I guess. He didn’t have any friends outside the base. He just wanted to go somewhere that wasn’t here, somewhere that wasn’t the air force. He wanted space. He said he knew a place… out there.’ She looked out over Black Bank Fen as another lightning bolt zig-zagged down into a stand of trees.
Dryden counted the seconds before the thunder struck, 1–2–3–4, and then the rumble which made his joints vibrate. She was still looking out. ‘He said you’d told him of a place he could go.’
‘Me?’
‘To be on his own. That’s what he said… a place you loved. Somewhere like Texas – somewhere he could be free.’
Dryden saw it then as he’d seen it last; the black peat of Adventurer’s Fen stretching out to the reed beds by the river. ‘Does he have a mobile?’ he said.
‘Yes. But he never answers. Just listens to the messages.’
‘Ring him. Ring him quickly. Tell him about the last tape. And tell him we’re coming.’
The jailer cried, that last time, when Johnnie asked him what he’d done to deserve the torture of the pillbox.
‘Just tell me,’ said Johnnie, as though the answer marked the only difference between the real world and the hellish distortions of his hexagonal cell.
‘I’m being punished. I know that. I’m going to die here. Tell me why.’
Lyndon took the decision then. He’d planned to stay silent, but the appeal was so direct, and he had such an overwhelming answer, he knelt before his victim and took his face in his hands.
‘What do you see?’ he said, feeling his nails puncture Johnnie’s bristled flesh.
Johnnie felt his life hinged here: in an airless pillbox where he’d once made love to Maggie Beck. His jailer’s voice, he noticed, was American. It surprised him, where the educated cadences did not.
‘I can’t see the glass,’ he said. Lyndon’s head obscured the diamondlike beauty of the water on the shelf.
Lyndon dug his thumbs into the sallow dehydrated flesh. ‘What do you see?’ he said again, knowing now he would have to give his father the answer. And he knew why he’d avoided speaking until now, for he felt an urge to be tender, to cradle the head of the man who had run into the flames of Black Bank to save his son.
He fought it back, and thought instead of his mother, tortured too by the knowledge that to save her son she must give his life away. ‘Think of a mirror,’ said Lyndon.
Johnnie tried to think. His mind screamed for water, for the glass beyond the jailer’s eyes. His head swam and those eyes filled his world.
‘My eyes?’ he said, knowing instantly he was right, feeling his heart contract with dread.
‘I’m your son,’ said Lyndon, and let him, brutally, fall to the ground.
Johnnie fainted then, the thirst beginning to destroy his brain, as it had ravaged his flesh.
When he came to the pain had gone. His mind floated free, and he could consider what he knew with shocking clarity. ‘You can’t be,’ he said, angry that the jailer should torment him further. ‘Matty died. In the fire.’
‘Maggie switched us. Me and the American kid. She did it to cheat you. Because of what you were.’
Lyndon stood and Johnnie noticed that his fingers shook violently and a nerve in his lean, tanned face was in spasm.’You made her do it, and it’s destroyed my life. Our lives.’ He showed Johnnie the wedding ring on his finger, balled his fist, and hit him hard. The cartilage of Johnnie’s nose collapsed, pushing up towards the brain, and the blood flowed out in gouts.
But this time Johnnie didn’t pass out. He sat back on his haunches despite the cramp in his legs. ‘What was I?’ said Johnnie, trying hard to remember how he’d lost Maggie, how he’d lost the life he could have had.
‘You took pictures. Making love to Maggie. Was it in here? Or did that come later?’
Johnnie remembered then, and felt ashamed that he had forgotten this crime, rather than all the others. ‘Later,’ he said, looking at the water in the glass as the thirst returned.
Lyndon hated him then, not because of what he’d done to Maggie, but because he couldn’t know what he’d done to him. So he wrapped his bleeding hand in his T-shirt, took the glass, stood before his father, and drank it dry.
42
They drove towards Adventurer’s Fen under a rotting sky. The drought was dying, overblown with heat, and ants had invaded the dashboard of the Capri, in anticipation of the final storm. The lightning-struck pine tree burned beside the road as they left Black Bank, the crackling static fire in counterpoint to the dull rolls of thunder. Dryden had the window down, and as they pulled past the memorial stone to the victims of the 1976 air crash, he felt a wind on his cheek. For the first time that summer it carried the taste of rain.
In the rear-view mirror Dryden watched Estelle. She’d left a message for Lyndon telling him about the last tape, about her adoption. ‘We’re OK. It’s OK,’ she’d said, but none of them, least of all her, believed it now. Her eyes told Dryden what she feared. That if they found Lyndon on Adventurer’s Fen, they’d find him dead. That the real tragedy was that he’d risked so much for nothing. Had done so much which could not be undone.