“Just tell me what it was.”
Staring down at the stark white blanket, she doesn’t answer. She can barely face me.
“Dammit, Nora, tell me what it-”
“Acid,” she finally whispers. “Just a single tab of acid.”
“Just a… Are you completely out of your head? Do you even realize what you just did?”
“Please don’t be mad, Michael-I didn’t mean to-”
“You put it in my mouth, Nora! It didn’t just get there by itself!”
“I know-and I’m so sorry I did that to you. I shouldn’t have violated our trust like that… especially after today… I just thought… ” Her voice trails off.
“You just thought what? I want to hear the twisted logic behind this one.”
“I don’t know… I figured… y’know, outside-while we fooled around-I thought it’d be fun.”
“Fun? That’s your idea of fun? Drugging me against my will?”
“Believe me, Michael, if you hadn’t gotten sick, you would’ve thanked me for it. It’s not like normal sex-it’s a life-changing event.”
“Damn right it’s life-changing-I step off the roof, I die! I could’ve been killed!”
“But you weren’t. When you got near the edge, I pulled you back. And when you got sick, I had Countersniper bring you down here. All I wanted was to keep you safe.”
“Safe!? Nora, what happens if I get called for a drug test? Did you even spend a second thinking about that!? They still randomly test the staff! What do I do then?”
Her eyes narrow. “Is that what it’s always about? How it’s gonna affect your job?”
Throwing the covers aside, I shut my eyes tight at the head rush, hobble out of bed, and grab my pants from the back of the antique chair.
“Where’re you going?” she asks as I pull them on.
Wobbling to pick up my shoes, I refuse to answer. She jumps in front of me, assuming I’ll stop. She’s wrong. Lowering my shoulder, I’m about to plow into her. She stands her ground. I tell myself that I should knock her over. That I should teach her a lesson. That I shouldn’t care. But I do. Just short of impact, I stop myself. “Get out of the way,” I growl.
“C’mon, Michael, what else do you want me to say? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry it happened. To work that fast, you must’ve got a bad one or something.”
“Obviously I got a bad one! That’s not the damn point!”
“I’m trying to apologize-why’re you getting so upset?”
“You want to know why?” I shout. “Because you still don’t get it. This isn’t about the acid-this isn’t even about our trust-it’s about the fact that you’re a grade-A quality psycho! Rationalize all you want, this puts you in a whole new league!”
“Don’t you dare judge me!”
“Why not? You drug me; I judge you. The least I can do is return the favor.”
She’s starting to boil. “You don’t know what it’s like, asshole-compared to me, you’ve had it easy.”
“Oh, so now you’re an expert on my entire childhood?”
“I met your dad. I get the picture,” she tells me. “He’s retarded. It’s frustrating. The end.”
Right now I’d love to smack her across the face. “You really think it’s that simple, don’t you?”
“I didn’t mean-”
“No, no, no, don’t back down,” I interrupt. “You saw Rain Man-sure, that was autism, but you know how it works. I just wish you could’ve had more than a few hours with dear old Dad. Then you would’ve got the real highlights-like when his medication’s messed up and you have to keep him from swallowing his tongue. Or that time in fourth grade when he ran away because he realized I was smarter than he was. Or when he shit his pants for a full month because he was worried about being abandoned if I went off to college. Or how ’bout when an evil little scumbag named Charlie Stupak convinced him that it’s okay to take other people’s cars as long as you promised to bring them back? Armed with a clueless public defender, Dad can show you just how well the legal system works. Oh, yeah, you saw everything today.”
“Listen, I’m sorry your dad’s retarded. And I’m sorry your mom ran away… ”
“She didn’t run away-she was gone for treatments. And when those didn’t work, she died. Three months after she entered the clinic. She was trying to spare us the pain of watching her deteriorate-she was scared it would slow me down. Now try explaining that to a man with a sixty-six IQ. Or better yet, try protecting him from everything else that’s ready to rip him apart in this world.”
“Michael, I know it was hard… ”
“No. You don’t. You have no idea what it’s like. Your parents are both alive. Everyone’s healthy. Besides reelection, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh, that’s right, I forgot about your secret horrors: the state dinners, meeting all the bigshots, attending the college of your choice… ”
“Stop it, Michael.”
“… and let’s not forget all the ass-kissing: staffers, reporters, even Johnny Public and Suzy Creamcheese-everyone’s got to love the First Daughter… ”
“I said stop it!”
“Uh-oh, she’s getting mad. Alert the Service. Send a memo to her dad. If she throws a fit in public, there’ll be some bad press… ”
“Listen, dickhead… ”
“We have cursing! The story goes national! That’s really as bad as it gets, isn’t it, Nora? Bad press that goes national?”
“You don’t fucking know me!”
“Do you even remember what a bad day’s like anymore? I’m not talking bad press-I’m talking bad day. There really is a difference.” She looks like she’s about to snap, so I push a little harder. “You don’t even have them anymore, do you? Oh, my, to be the First Daughter. Tell me, what’s it like when everything’s done for you? Can you cook? Can you clean? Do you do your own laundry?”
Her eyes are welling up with tears. I don’t care. She asked for this one.
“C’mon, Nora, don’t be shy. Put it out there. Do you sign your own checks? Or pay your own bills? Or make your own b-”
“You want a bad day?” she finally explodes. “Here’s your fuckin’ bad day!” Lifting her shirt, she shows me a six-inch scar, running down toward her navel, still red where the stitches used to be.
Dumbfounded, I can’t muster a syllable. So that’s why she wouldn’t let me touch her stomach.
Lowering her shirt, she finally falls apart. Her face contorts in a silent sob and the tears flood forward. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Nora cry.
“Y-You d-don’t know… ” she sobs as she staggers toward me. I cross my arms and put on my best heartless scowl.
“Michael… ”
She wants me to open up… to pull her close. Just like she did with my dad. I close my eyes and that’s all I see. Without another thought, I reach out and take her in. “Don’t cry,” I whisper. “You don’t have to cry.”
“I-I swear, I never wanted to hurt you,” she says, still sobbing uncontrollably.
“Shhhhhh, I know.” As she collapses against me, I feel the little girl return. “It’s okay,” I tell her. “It’s okay.”
A full minute goes by before we say another word. As she catches her breath, I feel her pull away. She’s wiping her eyes as quickly as possible.
“Want to tell me about it?” I ask.
She pauses. That’s her instinct. “New Year’s Eve, this past year,” she finally says as she sits on her bed. “I’d read that stabbing yourself in the stomach was a great way to kill yourself, so I decided to test the theory for myself. Needless to say, it’s no jugular.”
Frozen, I’m not sure how to respond. “I don’t understand,” I eventually stutter. “Didn’t they take you to a hospital?”
“Remember where we are, Michael. And know your perks. My dad’s doctors are here around the clock-and they all make house calls.” Sending the point home, she taps her hand against her mattress. “Didn’t even have to leave my room.”