The resources of such a temperament were at one and the same time its richness, its diversity, its assured consent to the most ardent carnal love, provided I knew how to defer the hour for total possession; at the same time-at the cost of imposing a few days' constraint on my feelingsthere was the certainty of finding her to be an ideal mistress, — an ardent, delicate, and inventive inspirer of our love. On the other hand, the danger at one and the same time was that pride and hypersensibility of a young woman who had remained pure voluntarily; that was the very perfection of her temperament, — too delicately complex to support without damage a clumsy initiation.
Intelligent as she was, — capable of understanding a merely hinted allusion, and though she was voluntarily ignorant of certain physical sides of love, this was clearly no reason why they should be grossly revealed to her by a drunken Helot, incapable of curbing his instincts… And to think that I, myself, had been that ruttish being, — an object of terror and disgust in the eyes of the woman he loved! Face to face with this lamentable check to my dreams, I remained, now, in a state of bewilderment.
I guessed that the end of the day had come by the shriller chirping of the birds, — as it were the clamour of quarrelsome children in a huge dormitory. But for a long time now they had calmed down. Deep obscurity had invaded the corner where we were stranded. It was very warm. Moistness emanated from Therese's body, and disquieted me.
Gently seizing her hand, I removed it from the neighbourhood of the secret re-awakening of my desire. Raising herself up, she felt for my face and lightly touched my lips with a fugitive kiss. Then, in a voice she wished to be mirthsome, but which still trembled a little, she said:
"What a terrible dungeon! You must have mistaken the house, darling.
This is surely the mansion of Gilles de Retz himself. He must be spying upon us from over there, in the darkness, — with his horrid blue beard!"
Simulating fear, she pressed herself against me. Then, without transition, she continued:
"Did you think me stupid a short time ago?"
"My beloved! — let us say not a word more on the subject. Imagine that you were sleeping and had a bad nightmare. But you are no longer frightened now, are you, little one? Whatever has happened, you see full well that I obey you. Pardon me, — I implore you."
"Yes, you were indeed very naughty. You were the horrid Bluebeard.
But I love you too deeply to bear you much of a grudge."
"You will pardon me entirely later, — when you understand better.
Think, dearie, of the many, many months, out there, I have been thinking of you, — thinking of nothing save you. Desire for a woman one loves to distraction is like the gradual suffocation of a drowning man; he clutches savagely at the person who has come to deliver him from that anguish, without a thought of the harm he may do… and spoil everything."
"You love me so madly as that, darling?"
"I do indeed. At times I become dizzy, as in a great fit of madness. But you have no longer any need to fear: I regret my brutality too bitterly to be ready to recommence. And now we are going to dine and think of something else."
For a time-and colliding with piece after piece of furniture-we groped about in the dark ness, seeking for a switch. When, with a cruel shock the light was turned on, dazzling us, we were astonished to behold how discomposed our features were.
I led Therese to the first floor and showed her her room. All that I saw there was the bed, — a very low and extensive bed, as broad as it was long. It emerged from a mass of white furs cast on the floor. I repressed a flood of distracting ideas.
"Is this where both of us are going to sleep?" asked Therese, without daring to look me in the face.
"No, No!.. This is Madam's bed-chamber. I… until fresh orders… shall sleep in the adjoining room."
Whereupon I opened the communicating door.
"It's most comfortable, as you can see. And I've also got a bath-room, all to myself."
Therese gave me a long and affectionate, yet somewhat sad look.
"Listen…" she murmured. Then was silent and gave a little sigh.
It appeared to me that it was charitable to divert the conversation.
"I shall listen no longer to anything, dear Madam. Are you aware that it is nearly ten o'clock? We'll titivate ourselves up a bit and then go down to dinner. I'm as hungry as a hunter and could positively devour you."
"At your service, my dear sir."
"Get along with you, Temptress!"
I fled from temptation with a haste which made her laugh. But through the closed door her voice still pursued me:
"You're a perfect darling!"
CHAPTER IV
The first to arrive in the dining-room, I set out our provisions on the table: a cold yet most respectable supper, which I had brought with us from Paris. Champagne, too, — iced to perfection in her Thermos-flask.
Red carnations were standing dormant in a vase, and these I scattered over the table-cloth, where their colour suddenly appeared to become brighter. Then, awaiting the somewhat tardy Therese, I sat down. I felt slightly scatter-brained, yet profoundly calm, — nay, rather humiliated by the complete torpor of my feelings.
Therese made a brilliant arrival. With her blonde tresses coiled around her head, she had formed a sort of diadem, suggestive of some exotic Grand Duchess or other. She was truly most beautiful in her immaculately white, low-cut gown. Moreover, I recognized it to be the one she had worn on the day of our betrothal. Was this intentional?
Did she wish to suggest to me the chaste thoughts of a still timid fiance? I hardly appreciated this call to order; but at my wife's first words I began to repent for the baseness of my suspicions.
"Do you remember, darling, how much you liked this dress? It was on the day of your arrival; at long last you returned to me from that distant East, and to me it was, as it were, a true wedding-day. I wanted to put it on again today, so that you may love me as much as you did on your return."
I thanked Therese with a look of admiration; but my silence made her uneasy.
"Is my darling very very sad? He doesn't even kiss his little wife, to congratulate her?"
But my desire was again awakened by the brilliant nudity of her throat and shoulders, and, still in fear of my dangerous reflexes of the afternoon, I dare not kiss her.
"Not immediately, darling. Let me get used to seeing you like this."
"But you saw me like this already-a fortnight ago.
"With other eyes."
"Do you love me less already?"
"It's naughty of you to put it that way! Seriously, darling, if sometimes I appear strange to you and difficult to understand, just tell yourself that I love you too deeply and that… that I shall suffer so long as you are not absolutely my wife."
Therese sat down to table without replying. She began to put on the airs of an affected Marchioness and sought to make me laugh. But I could not for the life of me succeed in reaching her pitch and the irritation I felt against myself increased my uneasiness. Was I going to oscillate incessantly between brutality and sullenness? Therese's roguishness rang false and clashed with my silence; and soon, like an amateur conjurer who is intimidated by an indifferent audience, she became discouraged. Bringing her little game to an end, she gazed earnestly at me.
"Listen, my dear, I should like to say something to you. Only you must promise not to take advantage of it."
With a movement of my head, I acquiesced.
"You promise?… Well, I want to confess to you that… I feel not the slightest regret for what happened-not a single action on your part — a short time ago. Since then you have shown exquisite delicacy towards me. However, I believe I should have appreciated it less if I had not seen you so… well as you were at the time of our coming here.