It was the first time since Lars’ first experience with the flu many years earlier that he had done so. He didn’t know what caused him to reach that breaking point, to act so unprofessionally, but he did. Hands to his ears, like a child, he blocked out the horrendous scream of agony that blasted across the gym from the cafeteria.
The final scream of death made by so many. But the one that sent him over the edge, the one cry that no amount of morphine subdued, cut straight through him. It wasn’t one of a child, a woman, or anyone he was personally close to. It just was the final straw.
It ceased and Lars lowered his hands and looked at Kurt and Henry. “My apologies.”
Henry shook his head. “I found myself doing that twice last night. Plus, something totally unforgivable, I find myself saying, ‘please just die. Let go, let go’.”
“That’s not unforgivable,” Kurt intervened. “It’s compassionate.”
Lars chuckled with a hint of defense and anger. “Euthanasia is compassionate right now. If that was me out there, my wife, my child, parent, I would choose euthanasia over that agony.”
“You’re knowledgeable,” Henry stated.
“I am very straightforward with these people,” Lars rebutted. “They aren’t listening.”
“They aren’t doctors,” Henry argued. “They are people. These are the ones they love that are dying. Of course they aren’t gonna say, hey, just put them out of their misery. They are gonna hold on to the hope that things might turn around at any second.”
“Even as their internal organs liquefy and emerge?” Lars questioned with sarcasm.
“Even then.” Henry tossed his hands up. “If I had a child, I don’t know if I could make that decision either. Has anyone?”
Kurt answered, “Seventeen. That’s it. Out of the four hundred that have died so far and six hundred well on their way, only seventeen asked for that route and we delivered.”
“Six hundred?” Lars snapped with surprise. “Why is that number so high?”
“Why are you so angry tonight?” Henry stood up. “Calm down.”
“I can’t,” Lars said. “How in God’s name did we go from saving seventy percent of those with septicemia to fifty?”
“We didn’t. They did,” Henry responded. “You called it. Overconfidence. They waited too long, most of them. We expected it. And the child deaths are skewing the ratio. The children, the children just don’t have the response and the strength adults do.”
Lars closed his eyes. “The most painful loss.”
Kurt interceded, “At least… at least it looks like the flu has run its course with the children. The numbers show only a few remain unscathed. Some of those children we can accredit to the immunization and some to genetics.” Kurt noticed the sudden change on Lars face. It went almost peaceful. “What? What did I say?”
“I’m having a horrendously bitter night.”
Henry nodded to Kurt with a grumble. “You can say that again.”
“But,” Lars said, “I was thinking a drink would help. However, we’re too busy. Instead, Kurt, you told me how else I can get that dose of feel-good.” He walked to his table of folders and began to flip through them. “Here it is.” He pulled out a folder. “I thought it was a bad time, when indeed it is a perfect time.”
Confused, Kurt looked at him. “I don’t understand. Can you tell me how I just brightened your day?”
“Absolutely.” Lars smiled. “By telling me how to brighten, even just a little, someone else’s day. Excuse me.”
Henry turned to a questioning Kurt and tossed up his hands. “Don’t ask me. He’s Lars Rayburn.”
“Hooked up.” Mick moved the television closer to the bed. “Can you see?”
Dustin nodded then returned to talking to Chris. “And the German suplex…” He struggled to not cough. “I want that forever known as the Dust-plex.”
“Cool.” Chris nodded. “I wanna go with some sort of crippler move. You know.” He wrote down on the sheet of paper he had over the magazine. “Call it the Chrispler.”
Dustin laughed and that made him cough. It grew violent and his face turned purple during his struggle.
“I’m sorry,” Chris whispered.
“Enough talk,” Dylan intervened, she had to get hold of herself when she saw Dustin’s struggle. Calmly, she reached behind his back. “Mick, can you give me…”
“Absolutely.” When Chris moved out of the way, Mick sat on that edge of the bed. Hand to Dustin’s back, he leaned him forward a bit, allowing Dustin’s chest to rest in his other hand. “Remember what Lars said. Calm. Okay?” Mick said while firmly striking Dustin’s back.
Dustin coughed, his airways cleared, and the red started to leave his face. He took a couple of breaths, as best as he could.
“Better?” Mick asked.
With closed eyes, Dustin nodded.
Dylan brought the wet cloth to his face, wiping around with a firm gentleness. “Did you want to watch your disk?”
“Yeah.” Dustin turned to Chris. “Can you get it?”
“Wrestlemania Three?” Chris asked and received a nod then took off in an excited sprint, but he didn’t make it far. His feet got tangled in his own sleeping bag and he tumbled to the floor with a thump.
It was better than any medicine and Dustin laughed, coughing again.
Mick pulled Dustin upright. “Christ, Chris, you all right?”
“Yeah. Yeah.” He stood up. “I should have waited until I was ready to sleep to put that down, huh?” He moved to the door. “I’ll be back.”
Laying Dustin back, Mick shook his head. “Your brother.”
“Hey, Mick?” Dustin shifted his eyes to his mom. There was a sadness about him. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.” Mick leaned closer; when he did, Dustin brought his lips to his ear and whispered.
Dylan knew something was up as she watched Mick listen to Dustin and throw a glance to her. Her eyes all but asked, “What’s going on?”
Mick nodded. “Dylan, can you… can you give us a minute.”
“Oh, sure.” She put down the rag and leaned down to Dustin. “I’ll be right back. Want anything?”
“No. Yeah. Some water,” Dustin struggled to speak.
“You got it.” After a gentle wink and smile, Dylan walked from the room. Pulling the door closed, she stepped into the hall. Hearing the click of the lock, Dylan’s heart sank with a feeling of uselessness and perhaps a bit of jealousy that she was being shut out at that second. But hearing Chris ascending the steps drew her attention, so not only did she go to retrieve Dustin a drink, she went to cut Chris off.
There was a weakness to his thin arms that Mick knew Dustin was unaware of. He felt the assistance Dustin tried to give, as Mick finished putting a new shirt over his head. “There,” Mick said then straightened Dustin’s hair.
“I didn’t need a shirt.” Dustin lay back.
“I always feel much better when I put on a fresh tee shirt.” After unlocking the door, Mick sat on the side of the bed facing Dustin. “You feel better?”
“Much.” Dustin stared down. “You’re not gonna say anything to Mom are you?”
Mick shook his head. “No.”
“Mick?” His glassy eyes raised to Mick’s. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to do that. I’m sorry for what Mom is feeling.”
“Don’t.” The word was strong with emotions when Mick delivered it. “Don’t.” He laid a firm hand on the side of Dustin’s face, cupping the entire cheek in his hand. “Don’t let me hear you apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. We do. Because we’re such a… such a goddamn mess over this. I wish, Dustin…” Mick looked into his eyes, “I wish with all my heart I could have one ounce of your strength right now. I am very…” The cracking and breaking up of Mick’s voice betrayed his emotions. “I am very proud of you. I love you very much.”