But you told me not to take Cricket with me! Why? Because of the monster?
Lukien, I can only tell you what I know. And I can’t know everything, remember?
His answer unnerved me. This will be our fight, Malator, I said. We’ll face this thing together. Whatever it is.
I’ll do my best.
Hey. . your best? I stared ahead as I rode, but my mind’s eye fixed on him. Malator, are you afraid?
It’s always wise to be a little afraid before battle. You know that.
“Lukien?”
I awoke as if from a trance. Cricket was bouncing along next to me, excited. “Huh?”
“I told Marilius about the waterfall. He knows it, Lukien!”
“Waterfall?”
“The place with the stream,” she said, annoyed. “The place I dreamt about, remember? I dreamt about it again last night.”
“It’s Sky Falls,” said Marilius. Then he shrugged. “Probably.”
“Sky Falls. .” Cricket’s eyes went dreamy. “Yes.”
“Yes, you remember it?” I asked.
“No, but that must be it. I can feel it, Lukien. Marilius described it just like I picture it. Tell him, Marilius.”
“Not much to tell,” said Marilius. “It’s up in Akyre near the border with Kasse. Part of the Dovra River. People go there to see it. Or they used to before the war. It’s well known.”
I wasn’t convinced. “That’s not much to go on. There could be a hundred waterfalls up there, right?”
“Maybe, but why would Cricket know about any of them? She’s just a kid. I figure the only one she could have seen is Sky Falls.”
“It is Sky Falls,” Cricket insisted. “Lukien, can we go?”
I looked at Marilius. “How safe is it?”
“To swim? It’s a waterfall.”
“Not the waterfall, idiot-what about the area? Can we get there safely?”
“No chance. Diriel’s men are on the march all around there.”
“But that’s the place,” said Cricket desperately. “I remember the ferns, the boulders-everything Marilius described.”
“And the caves,” said Marilius. “There’s little caves around the cliff-remember?”
Cricket blinked quickly. “I don’t remember caves. Oh, but that’s the place. We have to go, Lukien!”
“We’ll try, Cricket.”
“When?”
“As soon as we can.”
Her dark eyes grew skeptical. “When, Lukien?”
I didn’t want to tell her how much I mistrusted her memories. “When we’re done with this mission. We’ll kill this monster, then we’ll ride for Sky Falls.”
“Promise?”
“Cricket, you’re my squire. Everything I say to you is a promise.”
* * *
“Look at that,” said Cricket. She pointed up ahead toward a sparkling lake, circled in shade by a vanguard of trees. “What do you say, Lukien?”
It had been hours since our last rest. Marilius was sure we’d reach the mouth of the river by dusk. Finally, I saw the chance I’d been waiting for.
“Yeah, good idea,” I told Cricket. “Ride up ahead. Make sure it’s clear.”
“Really?” Cricket studied the way ahead. The flat road led clearly to the lake. “Why?”
“Because I said so. Ride on, squire.”
With a shrug Cricket drove her pony forward, leaving me with Marilius. Marilius watched her go without saying a word. When she was far enough ahead, he let out a heavy breath.
“All right, she’s gone,” he said. “What’s on your mind?”
He’d been waiting for it.
“Anton Fallon,” I kept my one eye straight ahead as we rode. “I’m guessing you’re more than just his hireling. Now listen: it makes no difference to me what a man does for his pleasures. I just want to know what I’m getting into with you both. Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll say no more about it.”
“You’re not wrong,” said Marilius. “It’s obvious.”
“Uh-huh. Is that why he made you a captain?”
Marilius nodded. He looked ashamed and very, very young. “I shouldn’t have let him. But it was a place for me to stay. Anton knew what I was and didn’t care. You show me one other man who would have kept me on as a soldier after knowing what I am.”
“I can’t,” I admitted. “I spent my whole life soldiering. Men like you don’t usually last too long. How long have you been with him?”
“Two months. I came down from Norvor to hire on as a freelance. I heard Anton Fallon had all the money so I went to him first. He liked me, and I liked him. The rest just happened.”
“So I was right about you trying to prove yourself. And I bet that’s why you took up soldiering in the first place.”
“How’d you know that?”
“I see it all the time. Men are always running away from things and thinking that becoming a soldier can fix it. Fix them.” As soon as I said it I thought about my own life. “Seen it all before.”
Marilius and I slowed our horses. I turned my head to look at him-really look at him. I knew his story. Somewhere there was a father that disapproved, or a brother, maybe. Somewhere, someone important to him had made up their minds and decided he wasn’t good enough.
“I ran, Lukien,” he said suddenly. His face turned ashen. “I was scared. I’m scared right now. I don’t want to see that thing again. If not for you I wouldn’t even be here.”
“Everyone gets scared, Marilius. Being scared isn’t the problem. Running away and staying away-that’s the problem.”
“But you don’t get scared. I saw the way you went after Wrestler. And when Anton told you about the monster you didn’t even think twice. That’s the way I want to be. But I’ll never be that way because I’m a-”
He stopped himself.
“What?” I pressed. “What are you, Marilius? A boy-lover?” I laughed. “Stupid. It’s so stupid! Listen, you know the worst kinds of men to have in battle? Men that don’t give a damn. You have to love men to be a soldier. You’re not a coward, Marilius. If you were a coward you wouldn’t be here. If you were a coward you never would have come back.”
Marilius let a tiny smile supplant his frown. “Did you ever love a man, Lukien?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “Not in the way you mean, maybe, but yes. There once was a man I loved almost more than my own life.”
“Who?” wondered Marilius. “King Akeela?”
I turned in surprise. “How’d you know about Akeela?”
“I told you-I know a lot about you, Lukien.”
“Yeah, well. .” I rode on, uncomfortable. “I don’t talk much about Akeela these days. I’m the one that killed him, after all.”
“His madness killed him,” said Marilius. “That’s what I heard.”
“I drove him to that madness. Make no mistake about that, Marilius. Whatever else you hear about me, know this: I am a king-slayer. I’ll bear that guilt all the way to whatever hell awaits me. You’re a better lover of men than I am.”
“Ah, now you mock me.”
“No, I do not,” I said seriously. “Whatever you are, you’re no coward. Don’t let a father label you a failure. Don’t let any man. You’ve got courage inside you. I see it. I promise-when the time comes, you’ll know what to do.”
13
The Bitter Kingdoms were nothing like my old home in Liiria. They were rocky and harsh and wholly ugly, and I had never thought to feel at ease there until the end of that day’s ride, when we finally reached the river valley. There, with dusk just touching us, we saw the hills with the pine trees Marilius had promised, the land sloping gently downward toward a hidden dell. I could smell the river too, the musk of it like the River Kryss where I’d fought so long ago. It felt like I had stumbled again into one of Malator’s made-up dreamscapes, with birds chirping in the trees and long shadows touching the land. I took a breath, shocked by the sweetness of the air. How could this be the place?
“Here?” I looked around, slowing Zephyr, my exhausted horse. “You’re sure your monster isn’t a bear, maybe?”