She laughed it off and squeezed my hand.
‘You can trust me.’
I just shrugged.
‘But why don’t the arrests upset you?’ she asked once, fingers walking up my arm. It hurt, slightly. Her strength augmentations were very effective.
I shrugged.
‘They’re your friends,’ she said. ‘I see you in the Closure.’
‘They talk. I listen.’
‘What about in the lab? With other Carriers?’
I shrugged again.
She frowned. ‘Have you always been so cold?’
I shrugged. Suddenly, she lunged and tickled me, making me laugh. When she let go, she looked so proud of herself that I chuckled.
‘See,’ she said. ‘You can laugh.’
Feeling bold, I kissed her cheek. ‘Only because it’s you.’
She rolled her eyes but I could see her smile.
‘You seem happy.’
I shrugged.
‘It’s that girl, isn’t it?’ Silence. ‘C’mon, Ellis.’
‘…gonna stop it?’
‘I should.’ My lips tightened. Jeb sighed. ‘But I won’t.’
‘But it–’
‘Would damage you more. I won’t be responsible for that.’
I had nothing to say to that.
‘If you could have one thing, what’d it be?’
‘That’s–’
‘Dangerous. Noted. Answer.’
I grinned. I did that more often, with her. She grinned back as she jogged around the room. The augmentations had given her excess energy. The extraction had taken mine away.
‘Dunno.’
‘Ellis.’ She stopped jogging. ‘Is it so bad, to want?’
I shrugged.
‘C’mon,’ she said. ‘There must be something.’ She jogged over and sat next to me. ‘You can trust me. I promise.’
I hesitated.
‘My brother,’ I said finally. ‘He’s outside.’ I swallowed. ‘If I mess up, he’ll die.’
‘Oh, Ellis.’
‘It’s fine.’
She pulled me gently towards her. ‘It’s not.’
I leaned my head against her shoulder.
‘It is,’ I whispered. ‘It has to be.’
Ivy slept, the procedure that morning being particularly exhausting. I tried to slip as many items into her pockets as I could.
‘Ellis?’
‘Shh. Sleep,’ I said soothingly.
‘OK.’ I reached for a pen. ‘I like you like this,’ she murmured sleepily. ‘I wish you could always be this free.’
She fell asleep before I could reply.
And then one day, she kissed me.
I was so startled, I fell backwards, hitting my head on the floor. It hurt more than usual. The extraction had taken a lot from me.
‘Ellis?’
‘I…’ I tried to push myself up without looking at her. ‘We can’t–’
‘Why not?’
‘You know why not.’ I rubbed the back of my head and winced.
‘So?’ Her voice was harsh, a strange contrast to the vulnerability on her face. ‘You…’ She swallowed. ‘I see how you look at me.’ I said nothing. ‘I… you can feel, you know.’
I didn’t trust myself to speak. I pushed the gurney into place instead.
‘Ellis…’ She sighed. ‘Escape with me.’
‘What?’
‘We could save your brother.’
‘Ivy, the moment they can’t find me, they’ll go for him. Why can’t you just stay safe here?’
‘Safe, huh?’ She looked away. ‘Know how they’re gonna impregnate me with that Supergrown?’
I frowned. ‘Artificial–’
‘No.’ A pause. ‘I hear Councillor Evan has first dibs.’
I stared at her. ‘Ivy…’
‘And there’s a reason nobody’s birthed more than two of ‘em.’ She swallowed, fingers twisting together. ‘I can’t go through that.’ Her breathing quickened. ‘I’ll, I’ll break, Ellis. I’ll break and nobody will be able to put me together again.’
‘Ivy–’
‘No, Ellis. I–’
My fingers were beneath her chin, tilting her head towards me. She stilled as I leaned in and softly kissed her.
‘I’ll never let that happen to you,’ I said quietly. ‘Never.’
‘Ellis–’
‘Never.’
Blue eyes met mine. And then, suddenly, our lips were together and all else was forgotten.
‘So,’ Jeb said as we walked into my cell. ‘You two had fun.’
‘Huh?’
‘Spare a thought for those who monitor the screens. They could be traumatised for life.’
I stared, speechless.
‘Luckily for you,’ he said, ‘I looped the video feed so nobody else would need to illegally buy alcohol.’
I actually blushed. ‘You gonna–’
‘No.’
‘You, you’re not?’
He grunted. ‘I’m fond of you, kid. I want you to be happy. So, just this once, I’ll let it sli- oof.’
My hug clearly startled him, but he patted my back. ‘Just don’t do it again, alright?’
It was a stupidly innocent thing for him to say.
‘Ellis?’
I looked at her, tall, striking, hand burning on mine.
‘You OK?’
We both knew it would end.
‘Did you think about escaping with me?’
I twisted my other hand in my pocket.
‘Ellis?’
It was time.
‘I did,’ I said.
‘And?’
‘I can’t.’ Her face fell. ‘They’re gonna find out.’
‘What? How’d they–’ She stilled. ‘Ellis, you’re not–’
‘Well, it is my job.’
Her eyes widened; her hand flew to her mouth.
‘You… but you… You accused me of spying.’
‘I didn’t, actually. I just let you believe that. It made you talk.’ I stood. ‘You’re an idiot for not guessing you’d be listened to. Don’t expect to live past tomorrow.’
‘How can you be so, so cold?’
‘It doesn’t pay to get attached. I told you.’
‘So everything… everything you did…’ She looked as though she were trying not to cry. ‘Everything we did…’
‘Oh, Ivy.’ I reached out, holding her tight. ‘We could never be together. You know that.’
She pushed me away. I stumbled backwards, hands catching on hers. ‘I can’t believe you,’ she said. ‘They’ll torture and rape me. Don’t you care?’
‘I only care about one person.’ I walked back to my gurney. ‘This way, he survives.’
The door rattled open.
‘I hope you die,’ she hissed.
I shrugged.
The next morning, Jeb put his head to my ear as we walked to the lab.
‘You,’ he said quietly, ‘are one ice-cold bitch.’
I said nothing.
‘Seriously. That was the worst thing I’ve ever seen you do. You broke her.’ He shook his head. ‘I honestly thought…’
‘Would you have let her escape?’
‘I…’
‘Exactly.’ I opened the lab door. He followed me in silently, glaring at me all the while.
We were so focused on each other that we didn’t see the guards until they’d shoved me away and grabbed him.