While Kevin changed out of his uniform, Andrew woke from his nap. Tara fed him then put him in a Snugli while she worked on the stock for the chili. Kevin, freshly showered and smelling like soap and clean clothes, entered the kitchen and started on corn bread batter.
"Debra thinks we should have the wedding reception at the VFW Hall," Tara said. "I thought we should have it here at the house. The weather will be nice, so we can spill out onto the deck. And of course, Cindy should play the music."
Kevin froze. "Cindy and her violin?"
"And maybe a couple of her chamber music friends. Not a good idea?"
"First off, the whole town will come to the wedding, whether we invite them or not, and the house isn't big enough. Second, they'll expect beer and barbecue and some real lively foot-stompin' music."
"Then they'll just have to be crowded and disappointed." But a second later she asked, "Is that how everybody does weddings here?"
"Yup."
She sighed. "Oh, all right. I don't want everyone to think I'm putting on airs."
She grabbed the jar of chili powder from the spice rack and realized it was empty. "Shoot, we're out of chili powder. I'm going to run down to Debra's and borrow some." She put Andrew in his playpen then grabbed her jacket from the hook by the garage door.
A look of alarm crossed Kevin's face. "You're taking Andrew with you, right?"
She looked at Kevin like he was crazy. "I'll be gone ten minutes. It would take me longer than that just to get him ready."
"Then I'll go," Kevin said.
"I haven't been out of the house all day," she said, picking up his car keys from where he'd left them on the counter. "I could use the fresh air."
"In that case, why don't all three of us go. In fact, let's bag the chili. I'll take us out to Wild Bill's for pizza."
She nailed him with a penetrating stare. "I'll be ten minutes." Then she turned and headed for the garage door.
"Wait!"
She stopped, turned. "What is it?" Before he could answer, she realized the problem. Kevin did not want to stay with Andrew. "Do you find your own son so repugnant?"
"God, Tara, it's not that."
"It is that. You won't even touch him. I've been trying to deny it, but any fool can see the truth. You despise being a father. You're trying to do your duty, but you wish I'd never gotten pregnant."
"No, you've got it wrong."
But she'd worked herself up into a state, and she wasn't backing down. "Well, I won't have it. I won't be a burden to any man, not even you, Kevin. I guess I should have taken you at your word when you said you never wanted children."
They both stood there for a few moments, shocked at the words Tara had just spoken. And Tara realized that something from the previous year had broken through the barrier in her memory. The night she'd gone to tell Kevin she was pregnant. He'd passionately vowed that he would never bring a child into the world. And she'd left his apartment without telling him of her condition.
Other memories rushed through the crack in the dam created by the first. Then it all fell into place.
Kevin knew just by the look in Tara's eyes that she remembered. Watching the emotions that played across her face was like reading her thoughts – and boy, was he in trouble.
"I can explain," he said quickly.
"Like hell you can. You lied to me. You and your aunt and, for all I know, the whole godforsaken town."
"I had a good reason."
"It couldn't possibly be good enough. I trusted you. Now you've destroyed that trust, and nothing can bring it back."
Kevin couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You want to talk about trust? And honesty? Oh, yeah, there's a good one. You were pregnant with my child, and you didn't even tell me about it."
That took away some of her steam. "You didn't want children, a fact you made abundantly clear the night we broke up. I made the decision to have the baby alone for your sake, not mine."
"Then why did you change your mind?"
"I didn't, exactly. But Andrew was so precious, such a miracle…and he looks so much like you, sometimes. I thought I owed it to you to at least let you know the child existed. But I wasn't coming here to make up with you. Certainly not to marry you. And live here? In Hooterville? I don't think so." She brushed past him and headed for the nursery.
Kevin started to follow her, then thought better of it. Maybe he ought to give her time to cool off.
Oh, who was he kidding? All the cooling-off time in the world wasn't going to fix this. If he could make her understand why he'd said those things about not wanting children…but he realized that to do so would require opening a box in his memory that had been locked up tight since he left Chicago. That was somewhere he just couldn't go, not if he wanted to maintain his sanity.
Chapter Six
After fleeing from her confrontation with Kevin, Tara took comfort in the refuge of her son's warm, cuddly body nestled in her arms. This was love, as pure as it came. Grown-up love, though, that was a lot more complicated. She loved Kevin. She couldn't stop loving him, no matter what he'd done.
She realized that, in his mind, Kevin could somehow justify the deceit he'd perpetrated. He sure hadn't pretended they were engaged out of a desire to be with his son. Maybe Debra had pressured him into "doing the right thing." Or perhaps he'd lied to her from some misguided notion that he knew what was best for Tara.
And maybe he did know, she thought glumly as she settled into a rocking chair with her sleeping child. These past couple of weeks had been some of the happiest of her life. As she'd settled into the rhythm of country living, she'd hardly given a thought to her business. Things at her design firm were probably in a shambles. And what about her bills, her bank accounts, all the pieces of her life she'd walked out on? She'd intended to be back home a week ago. Had Kevin even thought about that?
She heard the phone ring, then stop. Kevin had answered. She hoped it wasn't for her. She wasn't up to talking to anyone.
A few moments later, Kevin tapped on the nursery door.
"What?" she snapped.
He stuck his head through the door. "I have to go. The guy who mugged you was caught in the next county, trying to sell your rental car. We'll talk when I get back."
She refused to even look at him. With a sigh, he closed the door.
Tara knew what she had to do. She had to go home. If she gave Kevin the chance, he might convince her to stay – not because it was the right thing to do, but because, despite everything, she still wanted to be with him. But she had to think about Andrew. No child of hers would grow up under the same roof as a reluctant, bitter father.
She made flight reservations from the airport at Colorado Springs for later that evening. It didn't take her long to pack up her things. She'd only bought a few items of clothing to replace what was stolen. Andrew took longer – she couldn't believe all the paraphernalia babies required.
While she packed, she thought about her mugger. She'd never even seen his face, as he'd attacked her from behind. She was glad they'd caught the guy, but she hoped she wouldn't be required to testify in court. She didn't want to come back here for any reason. She never should have come in the first place.
When she was ready she called a cab. The fare to Colorado Springs would be exorbitant but she still had a credit card, which had been tucked into her pocket and overlooked by the mugger.
As the cab driver put her things in the trunk, she took one last look at the house. Kevin's house, nestled among the trees. She'd come to love it in so short a time. She purposely summoned thoughts of Chicago, where she'd lived for years, and which she'd missed so desperately the first few days in Colorado. Now, all she could remember was how noisy it was, how cramped her condo was, and how stressed out her hectic job made her feel.