I swallow the lump in my throat, staring at what was once the trap door that led to where he kept us hidden. “I let you burn… You told me to run and I did… I just left you.”
I don’t hear him step up, but I feel him right behind me, the coldness that brings me warmth. “There was no way for you to get me out.” I swear I feel him touch me, trace a finger up my back, but it might just be me remembering another place and another time that doesn’t exist anymore, even though I’m trying to hold onto it. “I was locked up with chains. All you could do was run and get help.”
“If I wouldn’t have tried to shoot him.” I struggle for air as I recollect pulling the trigger, missing the shot, the man coming at me, but Lily stepped in the way and took the gun from my hand. After that, there were only flames and the feeling of melting. “Then maybe I would have had enough time to get help before the place burnt down.”
“You know that’s not true,” he says. “You knew the moment the place started on fire, that I wasn’t going to make it out.”
I shut my eyes, remembering how he kept Evan chained up, wanting nothing to do with him, but wanted everything to do with me and Lily. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” he says quietly. “What’s done is done. You need to stop blaming yourself and let me go.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to… you’re the only person that makes me feel like everything is going to be okay when clearly it’s not.”
“Everything is going to be okay,” he promises as I open my eyes and face him. His hair is in his eyes that look brighter, not as sad as they usually do, like he can sense that he’s about to be free from the place. Free. “Once you admit the truth, it’ll all get better from there. You just need to accept what is.”
“I don’t even know what is or what was,” I say, reaching for him, wanting to touch him just one time. Just once.
“That’s life Maddie,” he says, my hand moves toward him, so close, just a little more and I finally feel him. Just once. “No one knows much of anything, whether they have amnesia or not. But they keep on living, just like you need to. It would be a tragedy if the fire ended up destroying all three of us.”
I stand on my tiptoes and lean in toward him, our lips so close. “And what about you?” My hand hovers right beside his cheek, a sliver of space between us, just another inch and I’ll touch him.
“That’s up to you,” he says, his eyes drifting to my mouth. “I already told you that as long as you wanted me here, I’d always be here.”
“But you don’t want to be here?”
“I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
I want to ask him what will make him happy, but I think I already know. Being trapped is something no one wants. I’m the thing keeping Ryland… Evan a prisoner here, simply because I’m selfish. And it’s not Lily who’s doing it. This is solely me. Maddie Asherford. I’m selfish and it’s time to stop.
“Thank you for everything,” I say, tears stinging my eyes. “And I’m so sorry, for what happened to you.” Then before I can back out, I move my mouth toward his quickly, bringing my hand against his cheek. The contact sends a surge of heat through my body, so sweltering I feel like I’m back in the cabin again when it was on fire.
And then the heat goes cold—I go cold. And I know he’s gone.
I stand there for a while, unmoving with my eyes shut, knowing the second I lift my eyelids, it’ll all officially be over. It’ll all be gone. If I could, I’d probably stay that way forever, holding on for just another second, another moment, just one more. But eventually I have to move forward and open my eyes.
And when I do, I’m not standing in a cabin, just a field that once held one.
All alone.
Chapter 35
Maddie
The entire drive home, I try to figure out what to do with my mother. She spent so much time lying to me, thinking it was for my own good. I don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person, just delusional and perhaps insane. But I know it’s time for her to let me go so I can move on and try to live life on my own, either with or without Lily—I haven’t decided yet.
Never once does it cross my mind that there’s so much more to this than Evan being a memory or simply remembering my past. Quite honestly, I’d forgotten about a lot of the stuff that had happened over the last couple of weeks, like the murders and how I’d never even figured out if I was doing them or not.
But then I enter the house and see her sitting on the sofa in the living room.
At first I think I’m hallucinating again, seeing her outside my head. But there’s something different about her this time. More life in her eyes. More confidence. More darkness.
“Lily?” I whisper in astonishment and horror, the door blowing shut behind me, and I whirl around in surprise. It’s quiet except for the wind howling outside as I press my hand to my heart and rotate back around to face her.
Her lips turn upward like she’s going to smile but it looks warped and wrong, like it’s melting off her face and her mouth instantly sinks. Her blond hair matches my freshly dyed hair, only hers looks longer and shinier—better. Her eyes are even darker than they were in my hallucinations, her cheekbones more defined. She looks less like me and appears more in control of her surroundings, which is very unlike me, except for when I’m Lily—or her I guess.
“Hello my dear Maddie,” she says, uncrossing her legs and getting to her feet. She’s wearing a red dress that hugs her body, knee high-boots, and fishnet tights. “How have you been?”
“Are you… are you real?” I haven’t budged from the foyer, too afraid to get close to her, too afraid she’s like the Maddie inside my head. But what if she’s not? What if she’s alive? But then why am I just meeting her for the first time now? No, she has to be a hallucination.
“About as real as you,” she says, skimming me from head to toe. I haven’t showered since I woke up in the woods and my clothes are caked with dry mud, so I look like shit.
“Why are you… how are you here?” I note the voice inside my head is quiet—this Lily before me has to be my Lily.
A grin slowly creeps up on her face. “That is the million dollar question, isn’t it?” She saunters around the room, keeping her distance from me as she takes in the excessive amount of knickknacks in the living room. “God, our mother might have a bit of insanity in her as well.” She touches her finger to a small figurine of a stallion. “Don’t you think?”
“I don’t think I’m the best judge of that,” I reply tentatively. “Considering my own mental instability at the moment.”
“At the moment.” She casts a glance at me from over her shoulder. “Oh my dear Maddie, you’ve been crazy since we were ten years old, when you could neither except nor deny what our father was trying to instill in us.”
My bones feel as though they crack and tear out of my skin, my heart thudding violently inside my chest. I’m afraid, but I’m not sure if it’s from her or the truth.
“I need to know why you’re here… if you’re real?” I spot something out of my peripheral vision and jump to the side, bumping into the wall.
“Because we have some unfinished business.” Bella exits from the kitchen doorway, wearing black pants, a white t-shirt, and boots. Her hair is pulled back tightly in a ponytail and something silver is in her hand—a gun.
I instantly start to back away, ready to run out the front door.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Lily says, pleased, as she cross her arms. “We’re not finished yet.”