“I didn’t kill any of those people.” I brace my hand on the wall to keep from falling down. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.
“If that’s what you want to believe then that’s what you can believe, but that’s not what mother will believe,” she says. “She already thinks it’s you… our well the Lily version of you. So do the cops, so when you die, the truth will die with you.”
I’m not sure what’s real and what’s fake. What’s right and wrong. If I did kill all those people or of they set me up.
“They’ll find out that you killed me,” I tell her, hunched over, clawing at my chest, wishing I could claw my heart out so the fear would go away. “They’ll find evidence that you did it.”
She shakes her head, her face masking with an evilness that sends a chill down my spine. “No, they won’t. No one will even believe that I’m real.” Then she leaves the room and when she returns she has a large gasoline bin in her hand. “They’ll barely be able to identify your body.” She starts dumping gasoline all over the place, dousing the sofas, the floor, the walls, even her boots and drops splatter on her red dress “It seems so fitting, doesn’t it? To die the way you killed Evan and me.”
I stand up straight and fight to keep my balance. “But you’re not dead, so this isn’t fair.”
“But I could have been,” she says, setting the gasoline bin down by her feet. “And as dad always taught us, the bad must die. Fail the test and pay the consequences.” She pauses, musing over something. “You know, if you would just stop fighting what’s in you, it might not have come to this—I wouldn’t have to destroy you.” Then she takes a lighter out of her boot, ready to burn the whole place down.
“I don’t even know what you want from me.”
She taps the side of her head. “Think, Maddie. Think. What does Lily always tell you to do.”
I shrug. “I don’t know… hurt people?”
“There you go.” She glances at the front door. “And now here’s your chance.”
I’m struggling to say that I thought I already did, when River knocks on the front door. Bella takes the gun that was sticking out of her pocket and drops it by my feet. Another knock and then the door swings open.
I glance over my shoulder as River enters my house with a wary expression. “I got a message to…” he trails off as he sees Bella with a gun aimed at me, gets a whiff of the gasoline scent, and then his expression instantly hardens. “What are you doing here?” he asks Bella.
“I think you know the answer to that question,” Bella says, wiping some sweat from her brow.
“I told you to stay away from her,” he replies, his jaw taut, hands to his side, his eyes colder than I’ve ever seen them.
“I already told her everything,” Bella tells him, nodding her head at me. “There’s no use pretending anymore that you didn’t help me make her think she was insane.”
I look from Bella, to River who looks like he’s about to vomit, then to Lily, who’s looking at me with a curious expression. Then she bites her lip, considering something, then mouths the gun.
I shouldn’t trust her, but I feel like it’s Lily in my head telling me to do it so I quickly bend down and grab the gun, then skitter to the side with it pointed at River, then shift it to Bella, back and forth. “Someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on?” I direct my question to River.
He puts his hands up to the side, his hands noticeably trembling and his breath faltering from his lips. “Maddie, relax. I’ve told you from the beginning that I’m here to help you. And what she’s saying… it’s not true. I promise I never did anything to make you think you’re insane.”
I laugh sharply. “You know her.” I direct the gun at Bella, who has her gun pointed at me. “And she’s… well, she’s bad, so that makes you bad too, doesn’t it.”
Lily chuckles under her breath. “Now there’s logic for you and wouldn’t that be like admitting you’re bad too, considering the people you know.”
Bella laughs sharply. “I’m bad? You’re the one who’s been killing, Maddie. Sydney. The poor man in the woods. Granted, that one kind of deserved it. He probably would have raped you if you hadn’t killed him.”
“I didn’t kill anyone!” I shout, looking around the room. I want to be more convincing but I know I could be capable of what she’s accusing me of. “I didn’t.” My hands are around the handle of the gun, palms damp with sweat, the metal stone cold.
“Of course you didn’t,” Bella says with a sigh, then her eyes flick to River. “Would you like to explain that one to her, or me?”
River appears puzzled and starts to stammer. “I-I have n-no idea what you’re t-talking about.”
“Of course you don’t.” Bella rolls her eyes. “Okay, play dumb then. I’ll be the one to tell her.” She pauses, scratching her head with her free hand as the scent of gasoline makes its way around the room. “Every time River would slip you the rufi—all those times you woke up and lost track of time—he was setting you up. He was the one that killed Sydney and the men in the woods. He’s the one that’s been tormenting you, helping me drive you insane, all because I asked him to—you want bad, there’s your bad.”
“That’s not true.” River’s words rush out of him as he starts to hurry toward me, but I hold the gun in his direction and it makes him stop in his tracks, his skin draining of color.
“He was helping us break you,” she says. “He knew about your past. About your mental disorder. About everything from the moment he accidentally ran into you outside his AA meeting. He was actually waiting to run into you. Thought he could use it as a good excuse to get to know you more, to study you and see just how far you would go... It was never a coincidence that you ran into him.”
I think about the stuff I read in River’s notes and coldness seeps into my bones. “Is that true?” I ask River, swinging the gun in his direction. “Did you purposefully meet me because you… you knew about my past and my… Lily…” I don’t even know what to call her anymore and Lily smiles at me, like she understands.
He doesn’t answer right away, raking his fingers through his hair. “Maddie, I never meant to hurt you.” His voice is uneven as he keeps eyeing the gun. “At first yes, I got close to you because I wanted to study you… and I knew about your past… But I never killed anyone or helped them poison you… that was all them.” He blows out a breath of frustration. “I’ve decided to do my thesis on something else. I care about you too much to do that to you.”
“Do your thesis on something else?” I gape at him incredulously. “You made me think I was a killer!”
“I promise that wasn’t me!” He shouts. A promise with fear and begging in his eyes. He moves for me in desperation and I shake my head, inching the gun closer to him. The barrel ends up coming into contact with his chest, but he still doesn’t step back, despite how terrified he is.
“Please listen to me,” he begs. “I caught Bella slipping drugs in your drink and threatened her—that’s why she disappeared. Or at least I thought she did. It’s been her, Maddie, this whole time. She’s been trying to make you go crazy, drugging you and killing people then setting you up.”