Ryan’s emotions were horribly conflicted. Even though he felt terrible about Jer’s abduction, he was also feeling a peculiar exhilaration being with Sarah again. Under other circumstances his euphoria from their recent reconciliation would have been boundless, but he had to quash this feeling. He took solace that they were back together, working on the problem, and hoped this interaction would spur them toward a new future.
Their work ethic had always been prominent in their relationship; given a problem, the Marshalls would doggedly pursue its resolution. They were undeterred by obstacles and considered overcoming challenges a noble pursuit. They worked like two draft horses sharing the load, undaunted by rough terrain that lay ahead. At critical times each tapped hidden reserves of fortitude to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. Ryan knew it was time again to reach for this inner reserve and draw the emotional strength needed to locate their missing son. Even though it seemed hopeless, it was comforting that Jeremiah was presumably alive and healthy, a luxury that had not been available to the Marshalls when facing Jacob’s illness.
Sarah began the upcoming day without having slept a wink. The trauma of losing Jer was excruciatingly difficult to bear; shutting her mind off to this new horror was impossible. After the call to Ben Dare, she had experienced intermittent bouts of anger, grief, fear, and hopelessness. She felt like she’d been run over by a stampede. It was all too much and completely unbearable. Her only consolation was the acknowledgement that Jarrod had made contact with Jer and that he was okay. Throughout the remainder of the night, she reread the message a dozen times, comforted by and grateful for his words that her son was unharmed.
Sarah returned Jarrod’s message. She needed to give assurance they would find his location at all cost: JC: relieved you and Jer ok. We are on the trail. All my love…Sarah
She had composed the brief message, become introspective, and then gratefully sent it on its way. She couldn’t believe that she now held Jarrod in such high esteem, after having loathed his existence nearly every day since the New York City incident. She had no ability to explain how quickly she had moved from absolute contempt to complete forgiveness of Jarrod’s transgressions. All her hopes for Jer’s safe return were in Jarrod’s hands.
Sarah had worked on the laptop for most of the night. She had pored over every inch of the area surrounding Stanford, using Google Earth to look for warehouses within fifty-two minutes of Jarrod’s home. The only thing she could identify was an industrial complex on the southeast side of San Jose. This had to be where Jer had been taken. She decided to let Ryan sleep a bit longer before sharing her hunch. When he awoke, they would make a plan about how to locate their son. Feeling exhausted yet unable to unwind, she decided a long hot shower would help her relax.
Ryan rose from the bed and quietly came into the bathroom. He watched for a moment, noting that his ex-wife stood motionless underneath the steamy showerhead, lost in thought, unaware of his presence. He flashed back to the days immediately following Jacob’s death, remembering the grief counseling they had done at the request of Father Sabo from their church. They’d been advised to maintain a strong sexual intimacy in their relationship, which, among other things, would help them manage the pain of their loss.
Your intimacy will bind you together, the counselor had said, and help you manage the pain of loss. Don’t isolate or turn away from one another. Human intimacy can be a tonic, a source of strength, facilitating healing for couples going through a devastating loss. Sexual relations can provide medicinal benefits beyond anything that can be prescribed. Don’t let your intimacy slip because of your loss and don’t feel guilty about reliving your grief through orgasm. It’s a healthy way to manage the pain. Carrying the grief together is a proven technique for surviving the aftermath of any loss. The goal is to move toward acceptance, and be stronger and more committed to one another through the ordeal.
Ryan’s recollection prompted him to join Sarah in the shower. He had no idea how she would react.
“Want some company?” he asked, cautiously stepping into the billowing steam from the hot water spraying on Sarah’s head. He noted immediately how wonderful it was to see her naked again, remembering that he’d been physically attracted to her from the very first time they met on the quad at the university campus; she looked just as lovely as ever.
Sarah didn’t respond to his question, but merely kept her head down, as if in a trance.
“Turn around,” Ryan said. “Let me wash your back, honey.” She turned slowly away from him, allowing him to gently soap her back with the wash cloth. As he did so, he caressed her shoulders and softly massaged her neck, running his hand down the small of her back. Sarah trembled.
“I need you,” she said, almost in a whisper, continuing to look at the drain. “I can’t help it, Ryan…I want you.”
Sarah turned toward him and pressed her body against his, lifting her hand to pull his face down to hers. Standing under the warm shower, they passionately kissed while their tongues eagerly searched for the other, and for the first time since their separation, their intimacy was rekindled.
Ryan and Sarah left the shower and fell onto the closest double bed, still wet. Sarah forcibly pushed Ryan down on his back and straddled him…guiding herself down onto him. Her thrusts were at first hesitant but soon became more aggressive-it seemed as though she was desperate, overcome by physical need that had been building for an interminable time. She pinned his arms while continuing to thrust down upon him, deeper with each push, her eyes fixed upon him, lost in ecstasy. As in the past, when Sarah approached her climax, she would coax him softly, letting him know she was getting close and he no longer needed to control his release.
“Oh, Ryan…oh, my God…you feel sooo good. I’ve missed you so much,” she moaned, grinding her pelvis against his, as he began to match the rhythm of her thrusts. She kept her eyes upon him, tears beginning to well up, thankful that this wasn’t the same frustrating dream she’d had ever since their divorce. “I never stopped needing you, never stopped wanting you. Oh, my God…I’ve missed you, darling. Ohhhh!” And for the first time in what seemed like forever, they both climaxed together.
When the contractions completely subsided, she collapsed on top of him, relaxing the full weight of her body, breathing rapidly until at last she settled her face into the nook between his neck and shoulder. He held her tightly, continuing to stroke her back, squeezing her buttocks, kissing her lightly.
“I love you, Sarah,” he said after a moment, but he wasn’t sure if she heard him. Sarah’s breathing had changed perceptibly from rapid and shallow to long and deep. She had blissfully passed out from the passion she had needed to spill, her stress relieved. It was the most wonderful thing Ryan had experienced in a long, long time. He was reunited with his lover. His prayers had been answered. He closed his eyes and slipped away, grateful that he was together again with the love of his life.
A loud knocking on the door startled Ryan and he awoke with a start.
“Housekeeping,” was all he could discern, unsure what that meant or where he was. Then he realized he and Sarah were still in the hotel, lying naked on the bed, having both fallen into a deep sleep.
“Just a minute,” he shouted, hearing the maid tapping on the door. “We’ll be right out.”
Ryan and Sarah were jolted into action. Neither of them said a word. They had barely enough time to contemplate anything except to hurriedly dress, pack up, and leave the motel. Surprisingly, they both awoke refreshed and with a renewed sense of purpose. Not ten minutes after the maid had awakened them, they were back in Ryan’s SUV, heading again for an unknown destination.