“They’re filthy in their habits,” Irving said, “they’re not a clean people.”
“Look here,” Ben said, taking a display from the front window and holding it for Irving to see, “look at the lapels on this suit. Look at the guy’s tie. These fashions are from 1955. Look at the dress the broad’s wearing. Look at their fucking hairstyles. What is it, the nostalgia craze? Can’t you get new displays?”
“Ben, I would, but they steal them. You know how they are. They rob them to hang up on their walls for paintings.”
“Come on, Irving.”
“It’s a sickness, Ben.”
“Get well soon, you’re running a business here. Look at the One Hour Martinizing sign.” He pointed to the neon tubing — an enormous green ‘I’ framing successively smaller green and red I’s, I’s within I’s within I’s like hashmarks. He touched the sign. “My finger isn’t even warm. The tubing’s insulated by dust. It hums and crackles like shortwave. Look at the dark spots where the neon ain’t flowing. The fucker’s got hardening of the arteries, blood clots, neon myocardial infarction. Does it even shine in the dark, Irving?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. The equipment. It’s old, Ben. They have Valclene now. It’s odorless and it does a terrific job. With Valclene we wouldn’t need a steam tunnel, we wouldn’t need a stretcher.”
“We’ve got a steam tunnel, we’ve got a stretcher.”
“You’re missing the point, Ben. We could get rid of at least one girl. It would practically pay for itself. We’d save money.”
“What’s Valclene? How much is it?”
“It’s an entirely new process, Ben, odorless. I don’t know the exact cost. Maybe $17,000, $20,000 tops.”
“Yeah? How many years would that girl you’d get rid of have to work to earn that much money? Three? Four?”
“That’s not the point. That’s not the only advantage. All right. These people work cheap, but—”
“Irving, listen to me. You know what the dry-cleaning business is worth today? How many pair of slacks did you do this week?”
“I don’t know, I’d have to—”
“A dozen? A half dozen? You haven’t noticed the wash-and-wear fabrics are knocking us on the head? They put suits in the washing machines now. Suits. Sport coats!”
“Not winter suits, Ben.”
“No, not winter suits. So suddenly it’s a seasonal business.”
“Ben, with the new equipment—”
“With the new equipment, what? What with the new equipment? Forget the new equipment. And I don’t have to look at the books. I don’t even want to see them. I can guess what they say. I know all about the books. Best sellers they ain’t. So what’s this shit about new equipment? Irving, you forgot your anthropology so quick? You don’t know that the do-it-yourself coin-op places are changing the dry-cleaning culture in this country? That they’re kicking our brains off? That this new outfit — what’s its name? — American Cleaners, yeah, American Cleaners, will take any garment and do you a job on it for 69 cents? A suit 69 cents, a sport coat. A dress. What do we get for a dress, a buck ninety-five?”
“They don’t do the kind of job we do, Ben. They don’t turn out a product like ours. Not for 69 cents. How can you compare?”
“Irving, I’m delighted by your pride. I really am. I am. That’s good. That’s beautiful. Really.” He lowered his voice. “Irving, you’ve got white pride. But let’s not talk about machines, all right? Unless maybe you want to take the stuff in and run it over to American Cleaners. We could use their machines. The coin-ops. We’d clean up, yes?”
“Why are you making fun of me?”
“I’m not making fun of you.”
“I work like a nigger in this place. Damnit, Ben, my brothers and sisters and I guaranteed your loan. $14,000. My father made you our responsibility in his will. Why do you treat me like this? Why do you mock our relationship?”
“I don’t mock our relationship. I cast it in bronze. Ping ping. I chip it in marble. Tap. Tap tap. I baste, tack, braid, plait, stitch, sew, and crochet it in fabric. In fabric, Irving, fabric. Fabric is the fabric of our relationship! Skin of my skin, cloth of my cloth. Don’t you know anything? Anthropologist! What’s the matter, don’t you recognize these digs? It’s the Finsberg Memorial Library here, my allegiance to costume, my tribute to Godpop. Fitting. Hah! Fitting’s fitting. Needles and pins, Irving, pins and needles. Needles, pins, and thread warped us and woofed us. Yay for yarn. Rah for ribbon. Whoopee for wool. Lest we forget, Irving, manager, godcousin, kid, this is for Julius, this is for him, the yellow tape around his shoulders like a tallith, around his neck like an Old Boy’s tie, pins in his red lips like a cushion tomato. Lest we forget! We owe everything — you, me, Estelle, the sibs, all of us — to dress, garb, caparison, wardrobe. We are what they wore. Millinery made us. Raiment did, weeds. Vestments, trousseau, togs, layettes. Traps, Irv, habits, duds, and mufti. Regimentals, jungle green and field gray. Redcoats. Canonicals and academicals. Sari, himation, pallium, peplum. Tunic, blazer, leotard, gym suit. Cassock, soutane, toga, chiton. Trews, breeks, chaps, and jeans. Jodhpurs, galligaskins, yashmaks, burnoose. Breechclouts and sou’westers. Spatterdashes. Greaves and ruffs. Unmentionables and Sunday-go-to-meeting. Irving, Irving, call the pelisse!”
“We don’t do much greaves, we send the yashmaks out.”
“Well I’m very pleased with what I see,” Ben Flesh said. “The place is in good hands.”
“We’re dying on the vine, Ben. Smell it in here. Feel how hot it is. All right, they’re niggers — I couldn’t ask white people to work in a place like this — but even the jungle bunnies have to have their Coca-Cola. Christ, Ben, you know what I pay for salt tablets? No dry-cleaning plant’s like this today. They’re modern, cool as drugstores, with no more odor to them than lobbies in airports. Ben, we’re in violation of the health codes. It’s a good thing the spades ain’t union or we’d really be in trouble. As it is, I think the inspector wants to be paid off.”
“Pay him.”
“But why not convert? Why not meet the new specs? It doesn’t make sense, Ben.”
“Pay him. Raise the girls’ wages.”
“I used to smoke. Two packs a day. I can’t touch cigarettes anymore. They taste like this, like chemicals.”
“The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health.”
“What’s this? Good for my health? It’s poison. Look, I have my inheritance. I’ll put the stuff in myself.”
“You’re my manager. I own the place. The manager doesn’t put in a gum-ball machine without my approval. He doesn’t put in a can for charity. I like everything just as it is. I like the smells. I like the way they make my eyes sting and contract my nostrils like toxic snuff. This is for Julius and for my father, who was once his partner. This is what they would have known. I like it the way it is.”
“You like? You run it.”
“You’re quitting?”
“Yeah. Why not? What am I doing managing a dry-cleaning joint? I’m worth almost half a million dollars, you know that? I’m educated. I have advanced degrees. Yeah, why not?”
“And Frances, your house nigger, you’re worth a half million, you’re educated, you’re quitting Frances, too?”
“What’s Frances got to do with it?”
“Nothing. Except she’s part of your cure, that was your idea. And this place, this is part of your cure, too. You were exactly the right man for the job. That’s right. You. Because your genes crackle like static electricity in the presence of schmutz, cleaning syrups, and your indoor heat waves. Your fate is to scrub, scour, mop, wring out, to run the world through the mangle. You dip, rinse, sluice, and douche. You don’t hate niggers, you’re in love with the cleaning lady! For Christ’s sake, look around you, you’ve put together a harem in here. When you die laundresses will stick you in a tub and lower you in fuller’s earth.”