“That’s different.”
“No, it’s the same thing, Kim. I know that I have a heightened sense of responsibility towards others. So what? Is that a bad thing? If I were a cynical, heartless bastard… like a detective-spesh, for instance… then I’d have something to worry about.”
“You wouldn’t worry. You would think that was the right way to be.”
“Kim…”
Alex gently pulled her up from the floor, sat her down onto his lap.
“You are right about some things, of course. But I’m not at all bothered by the details of my specialization. That would be like complaining about being beautiful, or healthy, or smart. If everyone were specialized in at least a few basic moral qualities, life would be better.”
Kim nodded. But she still looked rather uncomfortable. Could it be the material basis for his actions that kept bothering her?
“Kim, don’t worry about it. I’m glad I could help you out. I would have done it even without any kind of specialization. You are a very nice girl.”
“You like me, then?” She looked into his eyes.
“Yes.”
“Alex…” Her fingers slid up through the pilot’s hair. “Don’t misunderstand me, okay?”
“I’ll try.”
“Maybe you think I am sorry for you. It’s not that. Or that I am trying to repay you for your kindness. It’s not that, either…”
Alex put a gentle hand to her lips.
“Kim. Don’t.”
The girl shook her head.
“No! You don’t understand! Alex… I know things never happen like that. You don’t believe me!”
“Kim, I do believe you, but…”
“No, you don’t! You think I’m a little horny bitch. And that I got over from Edem that way, too…”
Alex kept his silence. He did not exclude that possibility, but did not think it the only option, either.
“Maybe you think this is the way I want to repay my debt… but it’s not that. Honest! Do you believe me?”
Alex gazed into her eyes for a second. Many people were skilled in the art of lying. But was it possible to lie like this?
“Kim, I do believe you. Are you sure you have to do this?” Instead of an answer, she leaned over and kissed his lips. Her kiss had none of the maddeningly alluring skill of a real geisha-spesh. It was an ordinary kiss of a girl with very little sexual experience. But at the same time…
Alex suddenly realized that he had absolutely no wish to change her mind.
For a few minutes they kissed, greedily, rapturously. Alex took off Kim’s tightly fitted jacket, unbuttoned her blouse. Still kissing him, she swayed her shoulders, sliding out of her clothes. She kept clinging to Alex, as though shy of her nakedness, and that helped him chase away the pesky memories of the previous night, when her naked body held no erotic appeal, only fear and pain.
Damn…
Damn!
“Kim,” said Alex, trying to move away, “Kim, Kim, wait…”
The girl sat still, looking at him a little fearfully. She had already managed to unzip her pants and half-take them off… a real scene from an erotic comedy…
“Kim… you just had your metamorphosis…”
“So what?”
Her voice shook a little. She was a lot more excited than Alex.
“Kim… you can’t have sexual contact for at least a week. When I was done with my metamorphosis, my girlfriend came to visit, and the doctor warned us right away to wait at least a week…. That’s the general rule.”
“But why?”
“Kim…” The pilot hugged her tightly. “Let’s not. Your development already got messed up once. Let’s not rush things.”
For a second she stared at him, shocked and speechless, as though she wasn’t sure if the pilot was telling her the truth or just kidding, clumsily. Then her lips started trembling.
Alex held her back as she tried to free herself from his embrace. Hugged her, whispered in her ear:
“Kim, it’s gonna be all right. Don’t rush things. I’ll make you a crewmember. Wait just a little while.”
“You don’t like me!” whispered Kim, sobbing.
“I do… Kim, honey, don’t cry. I just don’t want any harm to come to you.”
“It’s all your stupid sense of responsibility!” she yelled, lifting her wet face for a second. “It’s all your specialization! And nothing would’ve happened! I feel just fine!”
There was no point in arguing, so Alex said nothing. They sat for a few minutes in the chair together. The girl sobbed quietly, clinging to Alex and no longer trying to wrench herself free. Then, fidgeting awkwardly on his lap, she pulled on her pants, leaned away slightly. Asked, in a probing tone of voice:
“You really are attracted to me?”
“You haven’t noticed?”
Kim wiped her eyes with her hand.
“Friend-spesh, don’t lie to me, okay? I had only two men in my life, so I don’t know, maybe I’m ugly…”
“Oh, come on,” said Alex with a sly grin. “You know you are a very pretty girl. Fighters’ looks aren’t programmed, so this is entirely your own achievement.”
“Vladimir also said that.”
“Vladimir?”
“My first guy. He was a good friend of my parents, and I liked him, too. My parents arranged for him to be my sex instructor. But we didn’t meet for very long. Vladimir was a very busy man. An artist-spesh. His paintings are even exhibited on Earth. He did my portrait, too, by the way.”
“You have interesting customs,” said Alex.
“Why do you say that?”
“On Earth, where I come from, it isn’t customary to have real sex instructors. We do have training at school, but only in virtual reality.”
Kim shrugged.
“Earth is a rich planet. And technology-crazy. I… I had a virtual lover, too. But that’s not really common. Everything ought to be natural, as my school sex teacher used to say.”
Alex thought in passing of the crystal the girl was hiding in her altered body. Its capacity would have been enough to teach every last schoolgirl on Edem…
Why are other people’s secrets always so tantalizing?
“Kim, you want to go out to eat?”
“At McRobbins?”
“Ugh.” Alex scowled. “Today I took my post as captain. This calls for a celebration. I’ll find out which restaurant in town specializes in Earthly cuisine, and we’ll go there.”
“Will you get me some ice cream?”
“Absolutely.”
“Yeah!” Kim smiled and slipped off his lap. “Then give me a sec, I have to put myself together.”
She disappeared behind the bathroom door, and there came the sound of running water. Alex got up and walked over to the window.
Was there any trace of yesterday’s sky?
No, not even a tiny bit. A thick, ragged layer of dirty, gray clouds. Neither winter, nor spring; neither snow, nor rain. A cold, lead-colored drizzle filled the air. Faded, cheerless rainbows clung to the streetlights.
“It must feel great to be a ship’s captain!” yelled Kim from the bathroom.
“It’s awesome!” replied Alex.
And smiled.
The warmth of the captain’s chair.
Darkness and the multi-colored web.
The breath of another soul.
I love you.
Love me.
Be one with me.
How hard life must be for those unable to ever experience it…
Chapter 4
They were all waiting at the ship.
Janet, feigning indifference, was looking over the blister of the battle station on the left side. Alex could tell immediately that she liked the vessel a lot.
Puck and Paul were discussing something. Judging by the embarrassed look on the engineer’s face, he had just been hit with the news of the navigator’s biological status. Although the young fellow looked only slightly shocked.