“That was dumb. A complete confluence with the ship can be achieved only with a lack of attachment to people.”
“That’s not it at all! It’s just that everything is interconnected. Both love and hate. It is impossible to get rid of love without putting in at least some kind of surrogate. For you pilots, that surrogate is the confluence with the ship. For detectives and tax collectors, it’s the ecstasy of discovering the truth. One day, they’ll find a surrogate for all the rest of us, as well.”
Janet thought for a moment and added:
“All but the soldiers, probably. For them, love is a necessary counterbalance to the working hatred for the enemy. We were all soldiers… so we were all capable of love.”
Alex was silent. It was impossible to argue with a spesh defending her own specialization. Besides, she was right to some extent—Edgar, in virtuality, had also talked about biochemical links.
“Janet, what are we going to do?”
“Were you convinced that the Zzygou race are not our allies?”
“They’re temporary allies,” Alex corrected her. “I’ve never had any illusions about it.”
“I won’t provoke them again.”
“Do I have your word?”
“I swear as a spesh, friend-spesh.”
“Swear an oath to me, as your captain.”
Janet smiled.
“Why?”
“Swear the Ebenian military oath.”
Her features quivered.
“Friend-spesh, I am no longer a citizen of Eben. What remains of our army is hermetically sealed off from the galaxy.”
“What difference does that make?”
Janet looked away. Reluctantly admitted:
“None.”
“Swear an oath to me, as your captain.”
“In the name of divided Humanity…” Janet began, her lips trembling.
“Continue,” ordered Alex mercilessly. Then added, in a softer voice, “I have to ask you to do this, friend-spesh.”
“In the name of divided Humanity, reigning over the stars, worshiping our Lord, in the name of my ancestors and my progeny, I swear…”—she paused briefly, while the words came to her—“I swear that I won’t harm the aliens Zey-So and Sey-Zo, temporarily occupying the same ship with me. I will not show them my true feelings. I will not prevent them from leaving the ship alive and unharmed.”
In Alex’s estimation, this oath was comprehensive. Or very nearly so.
“Thank you, Janet. Forgive me. I had to order you to do it.”
“It’s all right, Captain.” Strangely enough, Janet really meant it. “You took all my responsibility upon yourself. Now I feel I am in a war situation, so I must conceal my true feeling from the Others.”
“Thank you…” Alex bent down and kissed her lips. He hoped the kiss would be brief, just a token of affection and gratitude.
But it didn’t work that way.
Janet folded her arm around his neck, then pressed him closer. Her kiss was not as artful as Kim’s, but much more distinctive and personal. Alex felt himself unintentionally returning the movement of her lips. Forced himself to stop.
“Janet, if Kim finds out…”
“Don’t worry.” She smiled. “She and I have talked this over.”
“What?”
“I told her right off the bat that I found you attractive. Kim agreed that I had a right to feel the way I do.”
Alex could barely suppress a laugh. Incapable of love, he felt compelled to remain faithful to his girl. Kim was crazily in love with him, but she let him sleep with Janet.
With Janet, everything was different. She didn’t have any illusions about their relationship, and never demanded more than he could give. She may have lacked the genetically programmed art of the geisha, but her ordinary human experience turned out to be a worthy substitute. Everything was different. Just as different as the two women’s appearances. They were each other’s opposites—the fragile fair nymphet, and the heavyset black lady.
Although he had to give himself just as energetically to both of them.
“I have another quarter of an hour,” he said, as they rested. “Then it’s back to the bridge.”
“Just a sec…”
Janet got out her cigarettes, lit two up, handed one to Alex, and avidly smoked the other one herself.
“I enjoyed it very much,” said Alex, caressing her dark thigh, glistening with sweat. “You are a wonderful lover, Janet.”
“Better than Kim?” she asked with a mischievous smile.
“Yes, I would say… because of your age. She has very little experience. And that makes a big difference, despite all her efforts.”
“In five years or so, she’ll far outshine me.” Janet smiled. “Well, I don’t really mind… Oh, Alex, I should’ve warned you in advance…”
“What about?”
“I didn’t block conception. There’s a possibility that I’ll get pregnant.”
Alex was quiet for a moment before admitting:
“How unusual. I’ve never had a woman like that.”
“Does that turn you on?” Janet smiled again.
“Yes,” said Alex earnestly. “I have three kids, but all were conceived under the terms of an agreement. Two boys under the government order—they are at some boarding school on Earth—and a girl from a… good friend of mine. I visit her regularly.”
“All speshes?” Janet inquired.
“The boys—I don’t know, to be honest with you. Probably. I have a good genotype. But the girl is specialized as a detective.”
“Poor thing…”
Alex said nothing. He didn’t really feel like continuing the argument about the necessity of love.
“I have five, but no one specialized for a profession that requires the loss of major emotions,” Janet told him.
“You seem to have mentioned four…”
“The fifth one’s on Eben. If he’s alive, that is. I prefer to think he is alive… I would have felt him die.”
“What do you mean, you would’ve felt him die? Is that also a part of your specialization?” Alex asked curiously.
The woman laughed. “No, of course not. We have this belief… a mother feels if her children are alive.”
“Very romantic,” Alex agreed. “A bit archaic, but sweet.”
“We kept to our old traditions in many respects. I gave birth to my first three kids personally, for instance.”
She said that with an easy and even careless air, but Alex felt his skin crawl.
“Why?” was all he could ask.
“It’s a tradition. Are you disturbed by that?”
“No… not much. After all, a third of all people are born that way. I’ve even been trained to assist with natural childbirth, in case of unforeseeable flight circumstances. But I didn’t expect it of you….” He laughed a forced laugh. “Don’t tell me you also suckled them yourself?”
“Yes. All five of them. Each one at least once.”
Alex started.
“Your lactation isn’t blocked?”
“No. An Ebenian soldier is a military unit unto herself. A woman must be able to give birth and nurture future warriors without any assistance.”
Alex looked sideways at her voluptuous breasts. He had thought their size to be a result of genetic modifications or individual peculiarities of her constitution… now he knew.
“Sorry. I should’ve told you before…” said Janet pensively. “Many people are disgusted by that fact of my biography. I let my children consume my own bodily fluids… I can certainly see how that would be shocking.”
Alex was listening to his own reactions. Then gave up, unable to sort out all the raging sensations and thoughts, and looked down at the Demon. What he saw made his face turn red.
“Janet, I must be some kind of pervert. All that… just turns me on.”