I’m hurt and I don’t have time for this noise. I shove the 8 Ball in her face. The moment it touches her she screams. I pull the Qomrama back, drawing the Eater out of her body. As it dies, the woman face-plants in the street.
I head back for the bike, but Ruach is headed there too. I’d bet that, even blind, he saw the 8 Ball light up like a flare and he knows exactly where to find me. He runs toward me, his scarred yellow body glowing into holy fire. I hold up the 8 Ball and it just seems to make him angrier. There’s nowhere for me to run.
“Father.”
Ruach slows and looks around.
“Father, what are you doing wasting time with this mortal? Your enemy is behind you.”
Samael walks calmly across the shattered boulevard to stand beside me.
Ruach points.
“He used the Godeater.”
“Not on you.”
Ruach starts to say something else when a concrete hand the size of a truck grabs him and pulls him away.
“This might be a good moment to leave,” says Samael.
“Hold on a second. I have an idea.”
I grab the Hellion hog and roll it off the street, hiding it in a flooded restaurant, between the broken furniture and the islands of rotting arugula.
“Come on,” I say. “And grab her.”
Samael frowns.
“Where are we going and who is this?”
“Just grab her.”
I head for where the cops went down. There’s no trace of them and no keys in the car. I pull out the black blade and jam it into the ignition. Turn it hard. The engine revs loud and strong.
Samael trots to the car with the woman’s body in his arms. I open the passenger door.
“I don’t have a key to the backseat.”
“Please,” he says, a little disgusted.
He touches the door and it pops open. Right. Locks. An easy trick for angels. He tosses the chop-shop body into the back and settles on the passenger seat.
“This is fun,” he says. “Are we on a scavenger hunt?”
I throw the car into reverse and floor it. Water geysers on both sides as I twist the car into the clumsiest one-eighty in the history of car theft, pop it into drive, and head back across town. Ruach and Shaky are still throwing kaiju kung fu in the rearview mirror as I break every speed law in L.A. county.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” says Samael.
“You’re about to save the world. But give me a minute, I have to make a call.”
I get out my phone and thumb Candy’s number.
“Hey. Where are you?” she says.
“How are you feeling?”
“A lot better. Is anything wrong? You sound out of breath.”
“Everything’s fine. I just wanted to check in on you.”
“That’s sweet. Do you have my ice cream?”
“Not exactly. But I have a corpse and a few hundred hellhounds. And I stole a cop car.”
“That’s fun. Pick me up. We’ll toss a coin to see who gets the handcuffs first. A car will be harder to break than furniture, but maybe more fun.”
“Sounds great, but I’m sort of busy right now. I did mention the corpse and hellhounds, right?”
“Fine. Be a drag. But come home soon. I don’t want to spend my last hours on Earth drinking peppermint tea with Kasabian.”
“Peppermint tea?”
“I’m still a little dizzy. Peppermint helps.”
“I’m living with a hippie.”
“Shut up, thief. For once don’t forget to wipe your prints off the car before you ditch it.”
“Anything else, dear?”
“Seriously, if it looks like things aren’t going to work out, come home.”
“They’re going to work out.”
“But if they don’t.”
“I’ll be there.”
“What’s the corpse for?”
“A long shot. Got to go.”
“Don’t forget the handcuffs.”
“I know. And ice cream.”
I hang up. I don’t have the heart to tell her that the handcuffs disappeared with the cops.
I DITCH THE car across from Vidocq and Allegra’s apartment, remembering to wipe down the steering wheel on the off chance that the world doesn’t end.
“Let’s go,” I say.
“Where to?”
“The Room of Thirteen Doors.”
I leave the headlights on and take Samael in through a shadow.
He takes a long look around the place.
“Thirteen doors. How charmingly literal. But it’s a bit dreary, don’t you think? I thought you might have brought in a carpet or at least a table with some flowers on it by now.”
“When you fêng-shui Hell, I’ll call you for decorating advice.”
He points to something near the Door of Drunken Eternity.
“What are those?”
“Those are mine.”
He walks over and peers down at them.
“One is the Singularity, isn’t it? I don’t recognize the other.”
“It’s the Mithras.”
He nods, impressed.
“So that’s where it went. Planning on having a cookout?”
“Only if I have to.”
“I’m glad all our fates are in the hands of someone whose decisions are so nuanced and well thought out.”
Samael walks around the entire room, touching each door as he goes.
I say, “You know how you opened the cop-car door? I need you to do the opposite here. Seal these doors. Use whatever powers you have to lock them tight so they can never be opened again.”
He raps on the last door with his knuckles.
“This one is already sealed.”
“That’s the Door to Nothing. I sealed it, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I need it done right.”
“Why?”
“It’s where the Kissi lived.”
He makes a face.
“You did us all a favor locking them out. What’s that door?”
“The Door to Fire. Listen, we don’t have time for a full tour.”
“This is probably the last chance I’ll get to see the place.”
“Me too, so stop whining.”
I check the time on my phone. It’s nine thirty.
“Make sure you bring Mr. Muninn and Chaya to Pershing Square by ten.”
“Why there and why then?”
“It’s a nice open space. I want to keep clear of big buildings. And I want to make this happen soon. The longer we fuck around, the more Shaky and Ruach are going to trash the city.”
“And the world.”
“That too.”
“Ten o’clock then.”
“When Shaky gets there be ready. Things are going to happen fast.”
“Of course.”
“And let me handle the big stuff. If I need help, you’ll know it.”
“I enjoy doing the least possible in these situations, so it sounds like a grand old time.”
I stand there for a minute overwhelmed and probably looking stupid.
“I don’t know if I have this thing entirely figured out.”
“You’re trying to see the future. That’s a mistake. Even Father can’t do that. If he could, we wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.”
I go to the door.
“When you get there, keep an eye on Chaya. I don’t want any freak-outs or surprises. But I want the whole family there when it happens.”
“If you want this done by ten I should get started.”
“I’ll leave one door open so you can get back Downtown.”
On the way out I say “Thanks,” but he’s already working on sealing hoodoo and doesn’t hear me or pretends he doesn’t.
I put the Singularity and Mithras in my pocket and leave Samael in the Room. Any other time I’m not sure if I would leave him in there alone. He’d do something cute, even if it was to get under my skin. But I have to trust him now. And anyway, his skin is on the line too.
I go back to the squad car, then head up to Allegra and Vidocq’s apartment. It used to be my apartment when I lived with Alice. Before Mason killed her. Vidocq put a hex on the place when he moved in. Basically, only Sub Rosa and other hoodoo types can see it. It’s invisible to civilians. Everyone forgot about the place. Vidocq was never big on paying rent.