“I warned you, months ago, that they would be harder this time,” Waite reminded him. “I outlined for you what was happening. Year by year the business of efficient government has grown more difficult to accomplish. The problems are tougher, the procedures more complex. This is especially true with the Senate because the Senate has gradually taken over many of the powers and prerogatives once held by the White House.”
“As we should have,” said the senator. “It was only right we should. With all the fumbling around down at the White House, no one knew what was about to happen.”
“The idea is that with the job getting harder,” said Waite, “the men who do the job must be more capable than ever. This great republic can do with no less than the best men available.”
“But I’ve always passed the tests before. No sweat.”
“The other tests you took were easier.”
“But goddammit, Dan, experience! Doesn’t experience count? I’ve had more than twenty years of experience.”
“I know, Senator. I agree with you. But experience doesn’t mean a thing to the computers. Everything depends on how the questions are answered. How well a man does his job doesn’t count, either. And you can’t fall back on the electorate at home. There’s no electorate any more. For years the folks back home kept on reelecting incompetents. They elected them because they liked the way they snapped their suspenders, not knowing that they never wore suspenders except when they were out electioneering. Or they elected them because they could hit a spittoon, nine times out of ten, at fifteen paces. Or maybe because these good people back home always voted a straight ticket, no matter who was on it—the way their pappy and grandpappy always did. But that’s not the way it is done any more, Senator. The folks back home have nothing to say now about who represents them. Members of government are chosen by computer, and once chosen, they stay in their jobs so long as they measure up. When they don’t measure up, when they fail their tests, they are heaved out of their jobs and the computers choose their replacements.”
“Are you reading me a sermon, Dan?”
“No, not a sermon. I’m doing my job the only honest way I can. I’m telling you that you’ve been goofing off. You’ve not been paying attention to what is going on. You’ve been drifting, taking it easy, coasting on your record. Like experience, your record doesn’t count. The only chance you have to keep your seat, believe me, is to let me bring in a tutor.”
“I can’t, Dan. I won’t put up with it.”
“No one needs to know.”
“No one was supposed to know I failed that test. Even I didn’t know. But you found out, and Fred wasn’t the one who told you. You can’t hide anything in this town. The boys would know. They’d be whispering up and down the corridors: ‘You hear? Ol’ Andy, he’s got hisself a tutor.’ I couldn’t stand that, Dan. Not them whispering about me. I just couldn’t stand it.”
The aide stared at the senator, then went to the cabinet and returned with the bottle.
“Just a splash,” the senator said, holding out his glass.
Waite gave him a splash, then another one.
“Under ordinary circumstances,” said Waite, “I’d say to hell with it. I’d let you take both of the two remaining exams and fail—as you will, sure as hell, if you won’t let me get a tutor. I’d tell myself you’d gotten tired of the job and were willing to retire. I would be able to convince myself that it was the best for you. For your own good. But you need this extension, Senator. Another couple of years and you’ll have this big deal of yours all sewed up with our multinational friends and then you’ll be up to your navel in cash for the rest of your life. But to complete the deal, you need to stay on for another year or two.”
“Everything takes so long now,” said the senator plaintively. “You have to move so slow. You have to be so careful. You know there is something watching all the time. Ol’ Henry—you remember him?—he moved just a mite too fast on that deal of his and he got tossed out on his tail. That’s the way it is now. There was a time, early on, when we could have had this deal of ours wrapped up in thirty days and no one would know about it.”
“Yes,” said Waite. “Things are different now.”
“One thing I have to ask you,” said the senator. “Who is it makes up these questions that go into the tests? Who is it that makes them harder all the time? Who is being so tough on us?”
“I’m not sure,” said Waite. “The computers, I suppose. Probably not the Senate computers, but another bunch entirely. Experts on examination drafting, more than likely. Internal policymakers.”
“Is there a way to get to them?”
Waite shook his head. “Too complicated. I’d not know where to start.”
“Could you try?”
“Senator, it would be dangerous. That’s a can of worms out there.”
“How about this Fred of ours? He could help us, couldn’t he? Do a little shading? There must be something that he wants.”
“I doubt it. Honestly, I do. There isn’t much a computer could want or need. A computer isn’t human. They’re without human shortcomings. That’s why we’re saddled with them.”
“But you said a while back a lot of computers have started to think of themselves as humans. If that is true, there may be things they want. Fred seems to be a good guy. How well do you know him? Can you talk to him easily?”
“Fairly easily. But the odds would be against us. Ten to one against us. It would be simpler for you to take some tutoring. That’s the only safe and sure way.”
The senator shook his head emphatically.
“All right, then,” said Waite. “You leave me no choice. I’ll have a talk with Fred. But I can’t push him. If we put on any pressure, you’d be out just as surely as if you’d failed the tests.”
“But if there’s something that he wants…”
“I’ll try to find out,” said Waite.
Always before, Fred’s daydreaming had been hazy and comfortable, a vague imagining of a number of pleasant situations that might devolve upon him. Three of his daydreams in particular had the habit of recurring. The most persistent and at times the most troublesome—in that there was only a very outside chance it could happen—was the one in which he was transferred from the Senate to the White House. Occasionally Fred even daydreamed that he might be assigned as the President’s personal computer, although Fred was indeed aware that there was less than a million-to-one chance this would ever happen even should he be transferred. But of all the dreams, it seemed to him that this was the only one that could be remotely possible. He had the qualifications for the job, and the experience; after all the qualifications and capabilities of a senatorial computer would fit very neatly into the White House complex. But even as he daydreamed, when he later thought about it, he was not absolutely certain that he would be happy if such a transfer happened. There was perhaps a bit more glamour in the White House job, but all in all, his senatorial post had been most satisfactory. The work was interesting and not unduly demanding. Furthermore, through the years he had become well acquainted with the senators assigned to him, and they had proved an interesting lot—full of quirks and eccentricities, but solid people for all of that.
Another recurring fantasy involved his transfer to a small rural village where he would serve as mentor for the locals. It would be, he told himself, a heartwarming situation in which he would be solving the simple problems of a simple people and perhaps taking part in their simple pleasures. He would be a friend to them as he never could be friend to any senator, for any senator, bar none, was apt to be a tricky bastard, and must be watched at every turn. In a remote village, life would be entirely different than in Washington. There’d be little sophistication and less bitchiness, although more than likely there’d be stupidity. But stupidity, he reminded himself, was not entirely foreign to Washington. At times he reveled in the idea of the bucolic life to be found in such a rural village as he dreamed, the simplicity and warmheartedness—although, knowing human beings, he never was entirely sure of the warmheartedness. But though it might be pleasant at times to daydream about the village, that daydream never haunted him, for he was well aware that it was something that could never happen to him. He was too sophisticated a piece of machinery, too well-honed, too knowledgeable, too complicated to be wasted on such a chore. The computers assigned to rural communities were several grades below him in design.