"Nora, you shouldn't be asking me that question."
"Answer me. Has he?"
Sara looked at her lap when she answered. "Yes, he did kiss me."
"Good."
"If you say so."
"Now, Sara, I know Nathan isn't exactly what you imagined he would be, but if you'll only look below the gruff exterior, I believe you'll find yourself a good man."
Sara was determined to keep the conversation light. "Oh?" she teased. "And how would you know what I imagined him to be?"
"In your wildest dreams you couldn't possibly have imagined yourself married to Nathan. He's a bit overwhelming at first sight, isn't he?"
"Oh, I don't know," Sara whispered.
"Of course you do," Nora returned. "You fainted when you saw him that first time, didn't you?"
"I was exhausted," Sara argued. "Nora, he wants to… sleep with me," she suddenly blurted out.
Nora didn't seem to be at all surprised by that announcement. Sara was acutely relieved that her aunt wasn't embarrassed. She desperately needed her advice.
"That would be his natural inclination," Nora announced. "Are you afraid, Sara?"
"A little," Sara answered. "I know what my duty is, but I don't know him very well, and I did want a courtship."
"What is it you're worried about?"
Sara shrugged.
"Do you think he's going to hurt you?"
Sara shook her head. "It's the most peculiar thing, Aunt. Nathan's such a ferocious-looking man when he's frowning at me, which is most of the time, but in my heart I know he won't hurt me. He even told me he didn't want me to be afraid of him."
"Good."
"But he won't wait until I get used to the idea," Sara explained.
Nora smiled. "I would expect that he wouldn't want to wait, Sara. You are his wife, and I could see the way he watched you that first night. He wants you."
Sara could feel herself blushing. "What if I disappoint him?"
"I don't believe you will," Nora soothed. "He'll see to it that you don't."
"We have to have a child if Nathan is going to get the second half of the treasury set aside by the king, and since he was forced to wait to come for me… did you know he thought I had run away from him?" Sara explained what she'd learned, and when she'd finished Nora was frowning.
"Aren't you pleased Nathan tried to come for me?"
"Of course. I'm frowning because I believe your parents have deceived you yet again."
"Nora, you can't believe-"
"As I told you before," Nora interrupted, "I never quit writing to your mother. I will even allow for the possibility that one or two of my letters got lost, but certainly not all six of them. No, it was all a lie, Sara, to get you out of England."
"Mother wouldn't agree to such a lie."
"Of course she would," Nora muttered. "My poor sister is afraid of her husband. She always was, and she always will be. We both know it, Sara, and it's pointless to pretend to each other. Get your head out of the clouds, child. If Winston told her to lie to you, she would. Now enough about your sorry parents," she rushed on when Sara looked as if she was about to interrupt. "I want to ask you a question."
"What is it?"
"Do you want to be married to Nathan?"
"It doesn't matter what I want."
"Do you or not?"
"I've never thought about being with anyone else," Sara answered hesitantly. "I don't really know how I feel, Nora. I dislike the notion of any other woman having him, though. Do you know I didn't realize that until he mentioned the word 'mistress' to me? I reacted most vehemently to that proposal. It's all very confusing."
"Yes, love is always confusing."
"I'm not talking about love," Sara countered. "It's just that I've been trained to think of Nathan as my husband all these years."
Nora let out an inelegant snort. "You were trained to hate the man. They thought they'd raised another one just like your sister Belinda, but they couldn't do it, could they? You don't hate Nathan at all."
"No, I don't hate anyone."
"All these years you've protected him in your heart, Sara, just as you've protected your mother whenever you had a chance. You listened to their lies about Nathan, and then you discarded them."
"They think I hate him," Sara confessed. "I pretended to agree with everything my relatives told me about him so they would leave me alone. Uncle Henry was the worse. Now he knows the truth. When I confronted him in the tavern, when I saw your band on his fat little finger, well, I lost my temper. I boasted that Nathan would retaliate and added to that lie by telling him that Nathan and I had been on the best of terms for a long while."
"Perhaps it wasn't all a lie," Nora said. "I do believe Nathan would retaliate on my behalf in future, Sara. And do you know why?"
"Because he realizes what a dear, sweet lady you are," Sara answered.
Nora rolled her eyes heavenward. "No, dear, I don't believe he realizes that just yet. He'll watch out for me because he knows how much you love me. Nathan is the kind of man who takes care of the people close to him."
"But Nora-"
"I'm telling you he's already beginning to care for you, Sara."
"You're being fanciful."
The conversation came to an abrupt end when Matthew came into the room. He gave Nora a wide smile and a slow wink. "It's time for you to have a rest," he told her.
Sara kissed her aunt goodnight and went back to her cabin. The bath was ready for her. She took her time soaking until the water turned cold, then dressed in her white nightgown and matching wrapper. She was sitting on the side of the bed, brushing the tangles out of her hair, when Nathan came into the room.
Two younger men followed him inside. The seamen nodded at her, then lifted the tub between them and carried it out. Sara clutched the top of her robe against her neck in an attempt at modesty until the men left, then resumed brushing her hair.
Nathan shut the door and bolted it.
He didn't say a word to her. He didn't have to. The look on his face told her all she needed to know. The man was determined, all right. There wouldn't be any more favors doled out, no more hasty reprieves. She started trembling.
Nathan had had a bath, too, she realized. His hair was still wet. It was slicked back behind his neck. His unforgiving profile wasn't softened at all. He wasn't wearing a shirt either. Sara stared at him while she continued to brush her hair, wondering what in God's name she could talk about to ease the tension inside her.
Nathan stared back at her while he pulled the chair out from the table, sat down, and slowly removed his boots. The socks came off next. Then he stood up, facing her still, and began to unbutton his pants.
She closed her eyes.
He smiled over her shyness. It didn't deter him, though. He took off the rest of his clothes and tossed them on the chair.
"Sara?"
She didn't open her eyes when she answered. "Yes, Nathan?"
"Take your clothes off."
His voice was soft, tender, he thought. He was trying to ease a little of her fear away. There wasn't any doubt in his mind that she was afraid, for she was ripping that brush through her hair with such vigor that she had to be giving herself one hell of a headache. She'd knock herself senseless if she didn't calm down.
She wasn't soothed by his voice, however. "We've already had this discussion, Nathan," she announced as she slammed the brush against her temple again. "I told you I was keeping my clothes on."
She'd tried to make her voice firm, determined. The effort didn't work. Even she could hear the tremor in her hoarse whisper. "All right?" she asked.
"All right," he agreed with a sigh.
His easy agreement calmed her. She quit brushing her hair. She still wouldn't look at him when she stood up and slowly crossed the room. She made a wide path around him, her gaze directed on the floor.
After she put her brush away she took a deep breath and turned around. She was determined to pretend his nakedness didn't bother her. She was his wife, she reminded herself, and she shouldn't be carrying on like a silly, innocent chit.