That wasn't what she meant at all, but he sounded so arrogantly pleased with himself that she decided not to argue. "I still have something important to say to you, Nathan. Will you listen?"
"Will you promise to go to sleep directly after you've said this thing?"
"Yes."
He grunted. She guessed that sound meant he didn't really believe her. She was about to tell him what she thought about his rude behavior when he pulled her even closer to him and gently began to rub her back. His chin rested on the top of her head.
He was being extremely affectionate. Sara was astonished. She wondered if he even realized what he was doing.
She decided she didn't care if he realized or not. The action was so telling, she couldn't contain the burst of joy that filled her heart.
Just to test him she tried to move away. He tightened his hold. "All right, Sara," he announced. "I'd like to get some sleep tonight. Tell me what's on your mind. Get it done so I can rest."
She couldn't quit smiling. That was quite all right, she told herself, because he couldn't see her expression. He'd pressed her face against the side of his neck. His fingers were gently stroking the hair away from her temple.
She had been quite determined to tell him that he loved her. She'd believed that once she'd told him, he'd realize she was right. Now she didn't want to say anything to ruin the moment. He wasn't ready to acknowledge the truth quite yet.
The revelation had finally settled in her mind. It stunned her a little. Nathan was afraid. She wasn't certain if he was afraid of loving anyone or just afraid of loving her… but he was afraid.
Lord, he'd go into a rage if she told him what she was thinking. Men didn't like to hear they were afraid of anything.
"Sara, damn it all, hurry up and get it said so I can go to sleep."
"Get what said?" she countered as her mind raced for a suitable topic to talk about.
"God, you make me daft. You said you had something important to tell me."
"I did," she agreed.
"Well?"
"Nathan, don't squeeze me so tight," she whispered. He immediately let up on his hold. "I seem to have forgotten whatever it was I wanted to tell you."
He kissed her forehead. "Then go to sleep," he instructed.
She snuggled up against him. "You're a fine man, Nathan." She whispered those words of praise and then let out a loud, thoroughly unladylike yawn. "You do please me most of the time."
His deep chuckle warmed her. It wasn't enough, though. "Now it's your turn," she instructed.
"My turn to do what?" he asked. He deliberately pretended not to understand just to prick her temper.
She was too tired to nag him any longer. She closed her eyes and yawned again. "Oh, never mind," she said. "You can have your turn tomorrow."
"You're a fine woman," he whispered. "You please me, too."
Her sigh of pleasure filled the room. "I know," she whispered back.
She fell asleep before he could give her a lecture on the merits of humility. Nathan closed his eyes. He needed rest, for God only knew what tomorrow would bring, with Lady Sara trying her damnedest to run things.
If Nathan had learned anything of value over the past weeks, it was never to expect the usual.
He had believed he would have to protect his wife from the world. Now he knew the truth. It had become his duty to protect the world from his wife.
It was an absurd revelation, of course, but the marquess still fell asleep with a grin on his face.
Chapter Eleven
The day they dropped anchor in the deeper waters surrounding Nora's Caribbean home Sara found out her husband had more than two titles. He wasn't just the Marquess of St. James and the Earl of Wakersfield.
He was also Pagan.
She was so stunned by that bit of news, she literally collapsed on the bed. She hadn't deliberately set out to eavesdrop, but the trap in the ceiling of her room was open and the two seamen were talking rather loudly. It was only when their voices dropped to whisper level that Sara began to pay attention to what they were talking about.
She refused to believe what she heard until Matthew entered the conversation and spoke matter-of-factly about the booty they'd divided from their last raid.
She had to sit down then.
In truth, she was more terrified than horrified by the revelation. Her fear was solely for Nathan, though, and every time she thought about the chances he took when he set out to pirate another ship she got sick to her stomach.
One black thought led to another. She pictured him walking toward the gallows, but only once would she allow herself to imagine that terrible possibility. When the bile rose in her throat and she knew she was about to lose her breakfast she forced herself to stop her black thoughts.
Sara would have been in complete despair if not for the last comment she overheard Chester make. The seaman admitted he was damned happy his pirating days were behind him. Most of the men, he added, were ready to take on family life, and their illegal savings would give them all a nice start.
She was so relieved she started to cry. She wasn't going to have to save Nathan from himself after all. He had apparently already seen the error of his ways. Lord, she prayed he had. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him. She'd loved him for so long, and life without him grunting at her and shouting at her-and loving her-was too devastating to think about.
Sara spent most of the morning worrying about Nathan. She couldn't seem to rid herself of her fear. What if one of his men betrayed her husband? The bounty on Pagan's head was enormous at last posting. No, no, don't think about that, she told herself. The men were a fiercely loyal lot. Yes, she'd noticed that right away. Why borrow trouble? What would happen would happen, no matter how much fretting she did beforehand.
No matter what, she would stand beside her husband and defend him any way that she could.
Had Matthew confided his dark past to Nora? And if so, had he also told her that Nathan was Pagan? Sara decided she would never find out one way or the other. She wasn't about to tell anyone, not even her dear aunt, what she'd learned. That secret was going to go to the grave with her.
When Nathan came down to the cabin to collect his wife he found her sitting on the side of the bed, staring off into space. It was as hot as the inside of a furnace, but Sara was shivering. He thought she wasn't feeling well. Her face was pale, yet the more telling symptom was that she barely spoke a word to him.
His concern intensified when she sat quietly in the rowboat that took them to the pier. Her hands were folded in her lap, her gaze downcast, and she didn't seem to be at all interested in her surroundings.
Nora sat beside Sara and kept up a steady stream of conversation. The elderly woman mopped her brow with her handkerchief and used her fan to cool herself. "It will take a day or two to get used to the heat," she remarked. "By the way, Nathan," she added, "there's a lovely waterfall just a half mile or so from my house. The water comes from the mountain. It's as pure as a baby's smile. There's a gathering pool at the bottom, and you simply must make time to take Sara up there for a nice swim."
Nora turned to look at her niece. "Sara, perhaps now you can learn how to swim."
Sara didn't answer her. Nora nudged her to gain her attention.
"I'm sorry," Sara said. "What did you just say?"
"Sara, whatever are you daydreaming about?" Nora asked.
"I wasn't daydreaming." She stared at Nathan when she made that remark. She frowned, too.
Nathan didn't know what to make of that. "She doesn't feel well," he told Nora.